One who gives kindness

There is a difference between one who gives kindness and one who does kindness. The nature of the word giving is to give of oneself. When someone is in the position of giving with a full heart, their gift can mean a lot. However, when one does kindness they can simply be doing it with no part of themselves. When one gives they are giving a part of oneself. When one does they are not including themselves in their gift.

I have met many people in my life that will continue to do things for others. When ever someone needs them they run to do it but they are missing the right intention. There is a certain feeling that comes along with giving that one does not get when they are just doing.

This applies to every relationship in life. Take it a step further and it applies to random strangers you encounter in the streets. When you have the personality of giving everyone around you can feel that you care about them.

I feel very special to have people in my life who genuinely give to me. It inspires me to give to people in return. Take note of how you make others feel: do you give to them or do you do for them?

Your Editor

What gives you positive feelings?

#happyplace

I have not had a minute to try new recipes or be in the kitchen and it feels as though a part of me is missing. I love the feeling of putting everything I have into a recipe and staring at the oven as it grows into a beautiful perfection. I must have over 30 cookbooks and I just want more and more. I love being involved with the cooking and baking; it just feels natural to me. Not being in the kitchen for over two months has me itching to just bake all day and try out new recipes. I want to invent and create concoctions that will make people happy. It satisfies me so much hearing people get enjoyment for the things I make. I have no time now, I know I won’t have much time over the next few months but I hope to be able to make as much time as I can. It is important to make time for the things that breathe life into you. It is crucial to surround yourself with things that make you happy in a world filled of darkness and cruelty.

I hope all of you are passionate about something as strongly as I am. If you are not, I highly suggest you make some time to discover what fills your life with positivity, it is a worthwhile investment. Knowing what you can do to make any day turn better, any moment mean more, makes life better.

Your Editor

Man plans and God laughs

As most of you know I had scheduled my CPA exam however having surgery, being in recovery, flying across the globe, makes taking the hardest test in the world close to impossible. So I pushed it off. I know, after waiting so long to finally have a chance to take it and I push it off again!

You see the review course I am using is famous, amazing, and one of the top ones out there, but it is just not working for me. I find myself overwhelmed with the amount of work I need to do and I cannot figure out how to manage it all. Our lovely technology solved my problem though: since I have searched CPA exam help so much, I am getting adds on every YouTube video about different CPA programs. So, I clicked one and it really had me interested, so interested that after spending four thousand dollars I went and spent another four hundred dollars for the program.

Yep – call me crazy, but it is well worth it. I now feel like I can actually cover all this insane material without having to spend 12 hours a day studying. I am doing my best, trying my best, working hard and now with this new program I actually feel like I am getting somewhere.

So the CPA saga continues… let us see what comes next- hopefully it is a passing score 😊

Your Editor

The balance between mother and person

What category are you part of?

There is a fine line between a mother and a person. I wonder what it will be like for me. I see mothers all around me and it is easy to tell the angry mother from the selfish mother and the loving warm mother from the cold mother.

A mother is in the position to be every type of person out there. There is a time and place for every emotion, what you decide to use in that situation is what mother you become. I met a family of 10 kids that each one can honestly say they have never heard their mother raise her voice. Shocking, I know. On the other hand I know mothers that scream, that is their way of talking. I know mothers that have absolutely nothing nice to say to their kids. There are mothers who only think about themselves and if they want something they get it because they have the position of a mother.

I am not entering motherhood yet but entering marriage makes your mind automatically think about the next stage in your life. I would like to think that I can figure out how to be a well balanced mother; firm when my children need it, always loving and supportive, caring, strong, patient, happy. The list goes on. I want to be able to come home from a rough day at work and file work away in a cabinet and put a smile on my face. If my kid wants to know why after everything I say, be able to respond without getting annoyed. I know a mother who made a hole in her wall because she punched it so hard as a result of her daughter asking why too many times. I want to show my children how to have the proper respect, fear , and love for us. I do not want to create a home where my children are built out of fear. On the other side, I want them to have the level of fear they need to have in order to properly respect. It is all so complex. I think of it as a sound system that has over a hundred different lines that can be leveled up or down yet somehow they are all supposed to evenly match up but when you try matching them up there are always a few that go too high or too low.

We still need to be humans. Until about a few years ago I never thought of my mother as a person, she was my mother. Only when you reach a certain age do you realize your mother has emotions, needs, desires too. It is hard to have kids that do not realize it. The key is to raise them in a way that they know it. I have not figured out how to do that, yet.

We will need to figure out how to balance us and the children (us being husband and wife). It is no longer just us in the marriage. However, one cannot act as though there is no us. First came you, then your spouse, then your kids. You must care for yourself. Once you are at peace, your husband, and last your kids. Balance is the key word here; one cannot be overly obsessed with taking care of just themselves or just their spouse, the sound levels need to match up with the amount you put into each line.

I hope thinking about this now can help me in the future be a well balanced mother to our children.

Your Editor

Airports

What’s your experience?

Before we even got to the airport we had to call United to check in because they played around with our flights and apparently put the baby on its own confirmation number, which makes no sense because the baby can’t sit by itself. Then they told us over the phone, mind you an hour and half wait, that since it is a basic economy ticket we cannot do anything over the phone and they cannot help us. Which makes no sense- how do you sell a ticket that you can’t help anyone with? Most of us get checked in and the rest of us are waiting. We wait in line for a kiosk and then some worker rudely cuts us off the kiosk and starts restarting the kiosk while we are in middle of using it! She then tells us we need to go to another machine and we can’t use this one anymore, why? No explanation, simply because she felt like it. We then wait on another line to get help and finally a nice worker somehow manages to do her job and actually get us checked in to our flight.

Security lines are next. We head there thinking we got this we can make our flight- nope. The Airport closes it’s TSA security lines at 8:30 pm (PRIME TRAVEL TIME!!). It is almost as if the airport and airlines work together to arrange for every situation to be so that you will miss your flight. They somehow only have one security lane open and nothing else matters. Oh, and now you have to take out your food in a separate bin, your shoes in another, your laptop in another. What is next your socks?! I don’t get it. Nasty, nasty people. There is a difference of doing your job and doing your job with a heart. You see we have five minutes till the gate closes, you see we are a lot of people, you see we are rushing, so you’re going to purposely hold our bin back and let three more people ahead of us? Like can’t you be slightly understanding. We are not blowing up no planes, we’re holding a freakin one month old! Like seriously?! Mind you, every single one of our bags got pulled to the side to be rechecked it was like what on earth was the point of going through the machine if you were going to just pull them all out anyways?????!

I am starting to hate flying. It has become a group of horrible workers doing a horrible job and taking their time. I get it I am fueled by a very very upsetting trip and should not generalize- but it comes to a point where have some common sense. It’s like why can’t they use their brains a bit?

There were some nice people on the plane which was a relief because if there wouldn’t have been, that would have been the last straw for all of us.

How much anxiety does the airport process give you?

Your Editor

The things you do when you are guilt tripped

Don’t you wish you could have stood strong?

I must have said no a dozen times yet I find myself once again doing what I said I wouldn’t do.

Is being guilt tripped really your own problem?

Does it mean you are lacking confidence? Self esteem? Balls?

Does it mean you are a people pleaser?

All I know is I was damn sure I wasn’t going anywhere yet somehow I found myself on a plane… thinking “I can’t believe I am doing this.” What happened in between my hard rock decision and me actually doing the complete opposite? Guilt tripping. It takes talent to put just the right amount of pressure where you’re not coming across as demanding and mean but just enough to bring you over to the dark side. Now, if you are really good at this you know exactly when to stop talking and how to tweak your manipulating speech to your crowd. For someone who does not know how to guilt trip, I find myself being on the receiving end with certain people and it is not fun.

I have confidence, I have self esteem, and I want to have those that are (or should be) important to me, like and respect me. Now, you see when things aren’t done the way they want, feel, think, the guilt tripping starts. That shows two things: 1) they don’t actually respect me for my decisions, and 2) I obviously care too much about how they treat me. However, I am coming to realize that it is a never ending cycle. I can want something, get guilt tripped out of it, internally miserable, everyone shows a few minutes of satisfaction and then moves on, so in the end I am left feeling like I pleased everyone for a total of one minute, the people that actually care about me are now pissed, and I am left cut in two; failing to make myself happy and only given a brief feeling of this guilt trip might have been worth it. Either way I lose, so what is the better route to take?

I have come to a conclusion that many of us know internally and outwardly may express it as well but when push comes to shove, their actions show the complete opposite.

In life you can only strive to make yourself happy. It sounds selfish but the world is filled with selfish people and if one knows that another genuinely doesn’t care about their values they owe no such obligation to compromise on their own happiness to make them happy. At times it may be hard to figure out who really does respect you but over time you are put in situations that help you uncover who is legitimate. The trick here is to not be fooled by the desire of having that person care about you. Often, myself included, we are so focused on wanting that person to care about us that we color the scenarios in our mind to make it feel like they have done nothing but respect us and only after do we realize that we are only fooling ourselves and harming ourselves in the process.

It’s a tricky balance between it all but if one can conquer it and genuinely not care about what others feel about them, they can reach a level of happiness- true happiness.

Your Editor

Wedding

💍❣️

It’s coming up so soon!! I’m thrilled and looking forward to walking away from the canopy, hand in hand, on a path to wherever life takes us. The feelings are full of newness and anticipation for what life together will bring. The chance to function as a couple, cook, eat, and sleep together, is refreshing. Some ask if I am marrying to escape the surroundings I am in, I see how that can be thought of, honesty though, it’s a mix of everything. Obviously, I will be relieved to have the chance to be my own person, answer to an equal partner, and not be constantly watched upon. But I will miss everyone here, the constant noise and bustle of the house, the million kids flying around doing silly things. However, I will have the quiet I have been dreaming of. The chance to bake at my leisure, type up my book without being demanded an explanation, have no fear that I will be yelled at, guilt tripped, for something I chose to do. It will be a whole new world, relaxing. I do know that at times things will get stressful though, and that marriage can’t solve the bond between my parents or siblings. That only I can decide how to fix those things. I get it. I get both sides and that is why I suppose the answer to me running away from life by getting married is conflicting. I love my better half, even when he drives me up the wall and I want to throw a pillow at him, because he is so much more than that moment. And so is family, but it hasn’t been like that for some time, so those feelings are buried under pain and emptiness. Maybe the correct word is longing. I wish it could be different, I wish the excitement and hustle bustle could be about me for a change, the way I need it though, because doing it the way I won’t appreciate it won’t help. Call me ungrateful but if someone needs Tylenol to make them feel better then don’t give them an apple. I promise you, it won’t help.

It will be fun though, and every other positive emotion because I will be spending it with the person I value and love most.

Your Editor