Who said it has to make sense?

Well it doesn’t 🙃

It’s interesting how the older you get you understand more about people and sometimes you just wish you could have stayed young forever.

I am referring to characteristics of a person. For example, I notice that one of my friends is more of a last minute kind of person and it shows in everything. Obviously, you’re probably thinking – duh. The older you get, the more you understand, the more you realize, the more things annoy you. But there’s just something really annoying about understanding why people act and do certain things.

I would personally think that when something exciting happens peoples lazy character traits would drop. I am wrong. Once lazy, always lazy. Or how about the person that rushes. Always, always rushing, you’ll notice it in the way they talk.

Okay enough about all this randomness- what I am really trying to get at is: I dislike how when someone who is more of a get it done kind of person gets held up by someone who procrastinates. I guess it makes sense though because everyone is selfish so if it’s not for them, why work crazy hard or do something out of their nature, like, get it done.

I have my lists, I have all my ideas of what and how I want things done. Why does it have to be held up? I wish I can handle it all myself but when it’s not up to me, I don’t have much option.

So moral of this really pressured post, that makes minimal to no sense at all: don’t let the way people are bother you because you can’t change them.

Your Editor

It will only take 3 minutes

It’s worth it 😊

Well… maybe add a few more seconds, so three minutes and a little bit. BUT trust me (if you want to) it is worth it!!

So maybe it’s not an incurable cancer, four tumors, and two heart attacks and maybe it’s a surgery, wisdoms teeth, five root canals, and a cast, it doesn’t matter. It matters if you make it matter. If you have the option, which you do, to make something matter than decide to make what actually matters, matter. Make your positive perspective matter. Make your decision to smile, do something for someone less fortunate than you, or even just put on some lipstick and make yourself feel good. It takes little to make us feel a bit more positive, go the extra two steps and make that change.

I feel like I have discussed perspectives in other posts and I think sometimes I make it sound so simple. The truth is: it’s a challenge. It takes a lot of energy to get up when you really don’t want to. However, the boy in the video was able to do it because he had one thing that was crucial: a good support system. We may not all be as lucky to have a good relationship with a mother, father, sibling, but hopefully everyone has that one person in their life they know they can turn to.

If you don’t, it may be a good time to work on finding that person. If you can’t seem to find them, maybe you’re searching too far and they are really in front of your eyes. Maybe you just need to work to build the relationships you have already. That is for you to figure out.

Be honest and true with yourself because it may one day save your life.

Your Editor

A letter I wish I can send

you know who you are

Dear very unlucky girl,

I heard you are engaged to my leftovers and I really, really feel bad for you. Not just for you, but for any possible offsprings you may have, my suggestion: don’t have them, at least not with that guy.

I don’t think I need to tell you how crazy he is. I think you already know. It’s sad though because you know it, I know it, your parents and most of the friends that actually care about you, know it. You don’t know me but I care about you. Because I would never want anyone to be in my situation. You may think this is what you deserve, but trust me, you can do better, and you will get better if you just actually gave it a try. With him, it’s impossible to cut the umbilical cord but it is more than necessary. I wish there was someone who can walk you through it. You may think I am crazy, and you most likely disagree with me but if you give yourself just a moment of thought without him you will realize how right I am. How right your mother is for hating him. How right all your friends are when they gave you the nervous look when you mentioned going out with him. Don’t you remember how happy everyone was when you finally broke up with him? We weren’t all putting on a show, we meant what we said, he is crazy. He may be a genius, but he is cruel and heartless. He is selfish, manipulative, uncaring, and rude. He will act as if he loves you now but behind closed doors, he is watching porn and drinking. Soon enough those doors will fall away and you will be living with this monster. You’ll wonder what it is you have done to make him this way but what you will fail to realize, because he has cleverly organized it this way, is that he has been doing this since day one. You’ll confront him, beg him to change, and don’t you worry, he will promise you the moon. But it won’t last, turn your back once and you will have him back at where he was. You won’t trust him to pee with the door shut. Is that the life you want? And what happens when you’re expecting? Suddenly the day you’re in labor he’ll be sober? I doubt it.

Maybe this is the route you want to go, in which case I don’t know what or how to say anything to you because why would you want to do that to yourself? For money? Yes, he’s got millions, but he’s not even half a person. He’s drunk or angry. The world is his but what happens when he finds out it’s not? Do you really think that will go down easily?

He’ll use your body for his pleasures. Make you go in all uncomfortable positions. Make you feel anything but human, dirty, violated. And then he’ll ask for it again. And again. And again. Try saying no and he’ll manipulate you to make yourself believe you want to do it. Before you know it you will lose all of who and what you are. You will have become this unrecognizable, barely human, that is constantly sacrificing of the little that remains a part of you. I don’t know why, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to do this to themselves. I know, however, that you probably don’t realize it. Just like I didn’t. You make yourself believe that the one gift he’s given to you, the one sweet thing he’s said, means a million more than anything else in the world. You’ll convince yourself so much, you will come to believe he does so many things for you. But when you actually look at the facts you will see you have created this imaginative character that is so far from the person in front of you, you will start to believe you are going mad. You will become obsessed with certain things, angry at everyone around you, and completely unpleasant. You will have no self worth because you have allowed him to destroy every part of you.

I wish you can realize this. I wish when I told you to run, you ran. I thought you were through and when I heard you came back crawling a part of my heart tore for you. Because you shouldn’t have to go through what I went through. I thought having him date us both at the same time would have you realize who you were getting into bed with. I thought you seeing how crazy and torn I became from him would be obvious signs for you. I am only sorry that I can’t save you. I have seen myself that only you can save yourself from such evil grasps. No matter what I will say or anyone else will say, it’s only in your hands to realize the monster beside you claiming to be your husband, best friend, and partner is truly the one thing that will destroy you, possibly murder you. I pray you will have a good support system that can save you from the harm he will cause you because it is inevitable. People will call you crazy and send you for help, they will not understand that it is really him and not you. You may end up in a home for crazy people because you will become a harm to yourself but no one will realize it is not you who has made yourself want to hurt yourself but the monster controlling you with words that sound loving but are filled with poison.

I wish I can save you from those hands. I wish I can lock him away and keep the world safe from such horrible things. I wish I was lying, I wish none of this were true and there are many who don’t believe me but that is only because they are too close to see. They have failed to step outside, to distance themselves in order to understand. I however, have removed myself entirely and although it has taken a good few years I can look back and try and warn you of the dangers you are putting your life to.

I know you don’t know me, but trust me he is everything far from the human he claims to be.

Your Editor

Tell me something embarrassing

Promise you won’t laugh?

Tell me something embarrassing  

I was an interesting child growing up: too old for my age, wild, smiley, and full of very awkward moments. One such as the story below:

I had this best friend in preschool and we played all sorts of games. One day during school we were bored so I decided to come up with a new game to keep us entertained. Generally in preschool they have all sorts of toys in a classroom such as kitchen sets, fake food, etc. Being the crazy me that I was (and maybe still am) I told my friend to stick a fake doughnut in his mouth and I would stand a few feet away from him and kick the doughnut out of his mouth. The first few rounds went great, I kicked it, then he kicked it but then when I got to kick again, I guess I kicked a little too hard… because his two front teeth went flying along with the doughnut!

I was extremely in shock and he was screaming from the pain and blood everywhere. The teachers had no clue what it was that caused it and when I tried explaining that we were just playing I wounded up on the floor in the principles office crying my eyeballs out because we were just playing! In the end, I came in the next day with a yellow smiley face shaped bag with black marker eyes and a mouth, filled with fruit roll-ups, gushers, crayons and a coloring book (don’t ask me why I remember all of that). The day after that, I never saw my friend again.

Well… not never but it felt like never. Until one day in high school I find this girl staring at me weirdly, whispering and looking at me, and following me. Later I found out it was my friend’s sister and they had moved back into town. Boy, was I excited. (sarcasm)

My Mother then of course had to run into them at a school function and I had to listen to them laugh at how crazy I was and how watch we’d end up as lovers because I knocked his teeth out.

What do you know, I am engaged to be married to a completely different human being, what are the odds. (sarcasm)

I think it’s more embarrassing for him to say a girl knocked out his teeth than for me to say I did it 🙂 or maybe that’s just my perspective after years of covering my face in embarrassment.

Your Editor

 

Did I ask your opinion?

I think not.

Life, life, life, and more life. Please tell me when do all these decisions end?

1. I am tired of making them

2. I am tired of people making me take their opinion as my own

3. It’s my life so shouldn’t it be my decision?

I have learned many things as a result of being a part of a big family and one of those things is when everyone has an opinion they will most likely consider theirs as the right one and therefore convince you, manipulate you, and do whatever it takes for you to take their opinion as your own.

I have also learned that following those opinions that are not your own will most likely mean you will regret them and the majority of the time it will be too late to change them.

So a note to myself and a note to all of you with bossy siblings or meddling parents: do your best and never not put your foot down when you know what you want. And even if you don’t know what you want but you know what you don’t want, then hold your ground because you will regret it (and that’s not just advice for all of you but me too).

Life has been so super busy that things are finally settling down and I feel as though there is a list of things I need to get done and I have no idea what is on that list.

I will apologize though for the lack of blog post. I really do miss it, so don’t take it as though I have moved on to the next hobby.

I am falling asleep now so hopefully, I will be back tomorrow with more on my exciting life. And for all of you who missed the sarcasm there, take note of it.

Your Editor

Life can be as simple as a pie of pizza

Depending who you ask I suppose

It’s funny how life surprises you sometimes. I feel like we’re all living some sort of reality show and each of us (or I should say some of us) are living off each other.

I don’t know what to make of all the mixed emotions and craziness combined with all the positive events, it has just turned into a cat playing with a ball of yarn: I have no clue where the cat is (and that’s me, if none of you guys got that).

I think that is why I like dry, bitter, comedy. Everyone’s life is crazy but they some how make it into a humorous event. I find myself telling over my “reality show” to people in a very similar way.

I don’t want my blog post to be negative so I turn that negativity into humor. I am sure there is a psychological word for it or something.

So here’s an episode of today’s events:

I am laying on the doctors bed or whatever you call those things with my bra off and my sister FaceTimes in, of course my mother is there and answers because why not let my sister and brother in law see my topless? I then listen to then small talk on VERY high volume that I am almost sure everyone in the doctors office heard them. Mind you, the conversation went something like this: how are you? Good, how are you? Where are you? At the Doctor with you sister (camera turns towards me- I completely ignore) what did the doctor say? We didn’t see him yet. Oh, okay, what else? Nothing (shrug of a shoulder) did you take a nap? you’re going to be tired tonight. (Mind you she’s married for a few years now) Nah, I don’t have time to. Okay, well the doctors here so we’ll talk later. Okay, bye.

Now what exactly was the point of that conversation? Anyway, doctor comes in and I am touched with very cold hands. I don’t get it, can’t doctors like warm their hands before they touch your bare skin? Its freezing enough in the office as it is! He then proceeds to tell me an analogy of how my surgery will go: “well you see, it’s like taking a pie of pizza and we’ll just cut off a really small slice and close the pizza back together”…. and there goes pizza for me.

However, don’t you worry because it will only be a slightly deformed pie of pizza.

I am now wondering the psychology behind comparing my nipple to pizza.

Your editor

Tell me something embarrassing

Promise you won’t laugh?

I have been thinking about this idea for a while and I finally found myself some time to write it all out and actually carry through with it:

Once a week I will have a post labeled “Tell Me Something Embarrassing” where I will write about a time in my life that was awkward, uncomfortable, weird, etc. The point of doing this is to move on in a way. Part of dealing with past experiences and getting over situations that you are embarrassed or ashamed of that happened in the past is to think/talk about them and then play the scenario back but include the things you would do differently. This shows you that 1. if you were put in the situation again your adult self will be able to handle it in a way that doesn’t make you uncomfortable and 2. it helps you get over the situation.

Please do not hesitate to go through this “exercise” of sorts on your own blog, label your post as I did and link it to this post. I find this helped me through situations I was deeply ashamed about and now, though still a bit embarrassed, I am able to talk about it more than I used to. I am not a doctor though, just offering some helpful, creative ways that helped me progress in my life.

For today I would like to share this story:

When I was five years old, kindergarten, I used to finish my homework really fast so my mother to keep me busy would print out sheets herself from other work books and have me do them. One day I walked into class with a pile of homework sheets and gave them out to a few of my friends for homework. It wouldn’t have been awkward if the story ended there… somehow one of the kids actually took it seriously and was struggling with the homework and I guess when his mother asked him about it he said I had given it to him. That led the boys mother to then call my mother and ask for some explanation as to why her daughter was giving out homework. Which then led to my mother rebuking me for doing something like that. It was awkward for me because my mother had to get involved, she was embarrassed and I felt that in the way she told me off and till this day it bothers me that I was so foolish. When I was younger I would block this story from my mind because I couldn’t handle ever finishing thinking about the whole scenario. It bothered me that my friend didn’t understand that he wasn’t supposed to show it to his mother. It bothered me that adults had to be involved. Obviously, I was a kid and didn’t know the difference but if I could go back I definitely would not have handed out work sheets.

Come back for more embarrassing moments of my life sometime next week ☺️

Your Editor