More than just afraid of the unknown

when you’re irrationally afraid of something you have never experienced

Where do I begin?

I don’t know what it is about childbirth but I am petrified, most people are though. However, I am afraid at a whole new level. When I found out my sister was pregnant, for about the last 4 months of her pregnancy I had nightmares every night. I would wake up drenched in a pool of my own sweat. I didn’t ever go anywhere with her alone and when I did I held my breath until someone came back or we returned. I couldn’t stand the idea of her water breaking and me being the only one there to deal with the situation. Legit, petrified.

I did a lot of things to distract myself but some nights I was afraid to go to sleep because I didn’t know what nightmare I would have and I didn’t want to think about it anymore.

So, when I had to rearrange all my plans last night and come rushing home to deal with the kids while my parents ran to the hospital, I did my very best to think about everything but my mother. I really don’t know what it is or why I am so afraid. My sister ended up having a very, understatement, traumatic birth experience. I wasn’t there to witness it but gosh her face had red splotches from all the blood vessels she popped.

I haven’t had any nightmares for about 5 months now (about giving birth) and I will not begin to let my mind wander down that road because it is the last place I want to be. My better half mentioned last night that we may need to go for counseling when we get pregnant. I think most people take classes and what not, but he is probably right, I may need a little more breathing lessons than others 😉 .

I guess I will let you know when I get to that point in my life 🙂

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