It’s coming up so soon!! I’m thrilled and looking forward to walking away from the canopy, hand in hand, on a path to wherever life takes us. The feelings are full of newness and anticipation for what life together will bring. The chance to function as a couple, cook, eat, and sleep together, is refreshing. Some ask if I am marrying to escape the surroundings I am in, I see how that can be thought of, honesty though, it’s a mix of everything. Obviously, I will be relieved to have the chance to be my own person, answer to an equal partner, and not be constantly watched upon. But I will miss everyone here, the constant noise and bustle of the house, the million kids flying around doing silly things. However, I will have the quiet I have been dreaming of. The chance to bake at my leisure, type up my book without being demanded an explanation, have no fear that I will be yelled at, guilt tripped, for something I chose to do. It will be a whole new world, relaxing. I do know that at times things will get stressful though, and that marriage can’t solve the bond between my parents or siblings. That only I can decide how to fix those things. I get it. I get both sides and that is why I suppose the answer to me running away from life by getting married is conflicting. I love my better half, even when he drives me up the wall and I want to throw a pillow at him, because he is so much more than that moment. And so is family, but it hasn’t been like that for some time, so those feelings are buried under pain and emptiness. Maybe the correct word is longing. I wish it could be different, I wish the excitement and hustle bustle could be about me for a change, the way I need it though, because doing it the way I won’t appreciate it won’t help. Call me ungrateful but if someone needs Tylenol to make them feel better then don’t give them an apple. I promise you, it won’t help.
It will be fun though, and every other positive emotion because I will be spending it with the person I value and love most.