Grounded for life

who isn’t 😉

I know, it sounds horrible.

But don’t worry, it’s not me I am talking about, it’s this really funny Tv show that Amazon Prime has. It has been one of the things that made me laugh this week. And I say this week because I legit finished three seasons in 5 days.

Image result for grounded for life gif

If you have never heard of the show I will give you a quick summary:

A senior knocks up another senior and the right thing to do (back then at least) was to marry her, so he did. They have one girl (the bastard child) and two boys. The husband’s father and brother basically live in their home as well. Each episode is another scenario of them attempting to raise their kids the right way (whichever way that is).

My summary may sound bleak but I am telling you, definitely worth all the hours I have spent (no, I won’t say wasted).

Watching Grounded For Life does make me think about my own life. It puts you in your parents shoes and makes you wonder how many conversations they have had together discussing how they felt bad about something they did or how hard they are working to just give you what you want. It’s really hard to parent and it isn’t any easier when you have a parent on top of you trying to parent your parenting!

That’s a major reason why it’s important for newlyweds to start out somewhere else, give themselves a chance to make mistakes and learn from them. My theory is if you’re a nice enough person it will transfer over to your kids even if you screw up more than a couple of times. 😉

I only hope so that is.

I guess I’ll let you all know how it goes when I get there.

Your Editor

Look ahead of you

in life you can’t go backwards, but you also can’t let it hold you back

Everyone had a path in life and although we may all be consumed in what others are doing and how far others have come, at the end of the day, we will achieve all that we are meant to.

When I was fighting my addictions there were days where I just couldn’t be strong, I couldn’t hold back and my better half said something to me that I may not have understood the impact it had on me then and there but now I do. He would list me famous people, like the owner of Macy’s, tell me how many times they failed before they actually succeeded. Most of the time I would just shut him up and be like “I know, I know, you have said this a million times,” but now I realize it did sink in me. Sometimes I find myself telling him “you know the owner of Macy’s failed 9 times before he was finally able to open up a store,” and I can’t help but smile to myself. Now it is his turn to shut me up but who knows, maybe one day he’ll look back and realize it motivated him without him realizing 🙂 .

In this world it is hard to realize that the path you, and only you, are on is the right one, is the one that will lead you to being the happiest. No, you can’t see it. No, you can’t understand it. You are right, it makes no sense why you are sitting in a hospital room and everyone around you is healthy and seemingly so happy. It won’t ever make sense. You will most probably never understand why it took you till age 32 to finally get the job you wanted. You will never understand why it is that you can’t seem to be as wealthy as your friends. But what you can understand is the fact that you will never understand, and that in itself will fill the blanks for all the unanswered questions.

There will always be the question of why, the question of what if. Try and focus on what the next step is; putting one foot in front of the other. Most importantly, try and remember that falling down can and will hurt, but getting back up will make it all worth it.

Your Editor

Let me give you a little perspective

Work.

My department got shifted up to the third floor to join the general pop. We aren’t smack in the middle, we still have a more secluded area. However, our room is the only entrance to the conference room. Let me tell you that in the 24 hours that we’ve been there, there hasn’t been many pretty conversations. Yes, we hear everything. It is really awkward because when the employee comes out they have to go through a little sort of ‘walk of shame’ till they can leave our area, yep… pretty awkward!

With today’s society, no one wants to think anymore. Everyone wants to scroll, click, zoom, like, anything not to have to do anything, including think. It makes going to work and being a part of work so much harder. If you think about it most of your parents growing up didn’t even have cell phones. I know, strange to think about it being that cell phones are legit part of every second of our day-to-day lives. But yes, there was a time were no cell phones were seen in human’s hands or glued to their faces. I must say, yes life had its difficulties back then but having a conversation with someone and being at work were much easier things to do. No one can control the rapid progress of technology and I am not saying we should try, what I am saying is that people are forgetting what matters in life.

You know why a lot of employees are being yelled at? because their quality of work is just an embarrassment. We all have our phones on us during work hours, we all say we’re giving work 100% of our attention but we have bluetooth, wireless, headphones blasting our favorite TV show, where did the 100% work go?

We need our jobs to live. Our phones are not going to be the ones paying the bill or feeding our never-ending needs, and in the society of I want and I need it can be a big issue.

You don’t want to get yelled at by your supervisor? You want to actually get that raise you have been saying you deserve? Well then it’s simple: prove it.

Put the god damn phone down. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, can all wait. Trust me they aren’t going anywhere (and that also means Pinterest). If you seriously can’t control yourself then shut off your notifications. Once you start actually giving your all to your job you’ll realize:

  1. it takes half the time or less than you always take to complete a task
  2. you’ll feel like your eyes can breath because they haven’t been jumping from this screen to that
  3. you’ll feel more accomplished
  4. you’ll be acknowledged at work for doing a good job
  5. and you will probably be a happier person because you have finally decided to cut down stalking other people’s lives and started enjoying your own

This post isn’t meant to tell you to cut down on your social media, rather to stop doing something with half an ear and half an eye. Pay attention, give your fullest to whatever it is you’re doing in life; work, family, school. You’ll realize how valuable your time is and how foolish you have been wasting away precious time, and all for another level of Candy Crush.

I won’t lie, I listen to a morning show while I work and sometimes I watch a TV show, but this week I took it upon myself to stop and now I have so much free time at work and during that free time I watch or do whatever I want because my work allows me. But you see, I am not doing those things anymore while I work, I gave my full attention to my work and as a result I am rewarded with extra time, with no mistakes in my work.

A happy boss, a happier employee.

Try it, I dare you 🙂

Your Editor

An unexpected day

when your schedule just doesn’t go your way

I thought today I’d get back to normal… well if you’d call my life normal. But turns out I was very wrong. I finally got to work after working out who will take me because somehow my car is being used by someone other than myself. Okay, so fine, I’m at work and it only takes about an hour and a 45 minute phone call with customer service to get my computer running. Finally able to work and there’s no work to do. I spent the majority of my morning filing HR paperwork, not fun let me tell you. Then I was reminded by the repeated phone calls from my mother that I needed to go to the doctor. Except when I called the doctors office no one seemed to want to pick up the phone. However, my mother being my mother told me to go because the doctor had time now. So I ran/walkedreallyfast to the doctor which is generally a 10-11 minute walk, in about 5 minutes. I show up, they tell me to sit down, they call me in, take my weight, blood pressure, temperature and then I wait. Now, I left work in the midst of a multiple choice question quiz with the intention I’d be back within 30 minutes. It really doesn’t take long to check my breast. That’s what I thought. An hour later the doctor finally graces me with her presence, and I thought she had time, she checks me, prescribes me more meds and an ultrasound. I am not so excited anymore. I walk back to work when I know I should be running because I just took a 30 minute break and made it an hour and I just got back to work today and I was late this morning, but I just don’t have a head to. I get back and my multiple choice question quiz is open waiting for me, I settle down, answer my mother’s repeated questions and finally think I am able to start the clock again for my goal of 20 hours of studying… but nope, here comes actual work. Everything goes back on pause again and I am stuck working the rest of the day.

I had to tell my boss I’ll be out tomorrow morning, which I proudly didn’t even think twice about.

I’m trying to do a million things at once and I forget that what I need the most is to just take a deep breath and give myself a moment to catch up with my legs. My mind and emotions are somewhere else. I have mixed feelings about my mother coming with me to the doctor, I have excitement and anticipation for our wedding, and I have a lot of things I want to get done.

I started looking for cute poses to show the photographer, songs for the wedding dances and the ceremony, dresses, clothes, shoes, jewelry, the list doesn’t end and that makes me happy.

What doesn’t make me happy is I really should be studying and I really should be going to bed earlier and not watching as many Tv shows as I have been. Whatever, as I say: it is what it is, and this time I’ll add that I’m not rushing to change it.

I really was looking forward to having a boring day at work, to work, study, and blog. I miss blogging.

Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

Your Editor

It’s only been a day

….And I am as pissed as can be.

There is something in this world called RESPECT, that some people just do NOT know exist. Respect to them is whatever is convenient for them.

I’m angry and frustrated. Seems like lately my post have been more complaining than actual help or advice, which would make the lack of views understandable.

I am trying to remember why I started blogging, it’s only been roughly 3.5 months and it has become a list on my to do list. I don’t like that. I should want to blog, and I do, if I wasn’t stressed out, upset, had a million other things that take priority to everyone else yet somehow fall on my shoulders. A friend of mine told me that usually it’s hard for people to transition into marriage but I can probably do it blindfolded. Sounds great for my ego, but I don’t want to be burnt out. I have a friend that was in charge of the laundry in her house growing up, till this day (she’s married with 6 kids) she does not touch an article of laundry. She will not do it. She hires a cleaning lady.

That reminds me of another thing: I grew up calling the household help a maid, however, my better half finds it demoralizing (I think that’s the right word?) and insist on calling her a cleaning lady. I find it sweet of him, how he has the utmost respect for people in all positions. He genuinely cares and to tie this into the top of this blog post, he respects people the way they want to be respected. Since no one knows who I am I can say this: he’s told me in confidence that one day when he becomes wealthy he’s going to spend a night on the streets. Don’t ask me where this idea came into his head, I find it completely outrageous and unusual. But for some reason it’s his thing. So is opening a soup kitchen. That dream I can agree with and I’ll gladly join in.

It’s funny because you don’t expect him to have as big of a heart as he does. He rarely smiles to others and exudes tremendous amount of confidence. Most people within five minutes of meeting him have told him he’s going to be very successful one day. I know that if he sets his heart and mind to something it will turn out amazing. My proof is that he set his heart and mind to our relationship and I see it constantly. With the crazy family that I come from, he as never left, and he has been threatened by both my parents. Despite that, the lack of joyous expression and engagement towards him, the way my siblings treat me and other various external situations he still remains here. To take it one step further, I am not the easiest girl to deal with. I have had my fair share of craziness, addictions, abusive boyfriends, yet somehow he has walked beside me and helped me slowly come around in the span of three years to a whole new being, to no more addictions, to no more self-harm, to no more low self-esteem and self-hatred. It takes a lot.

I heard something interesting the other day: there was a discussion on whether or not entering a relationship with someone who has never been in one is a good idea. My initial thought was no, why would it be? But then I took a minute and reminded myself of the old me and the beginning of my new relationship. When someone is in an unhealthy relationship it affects them and carries through to other relationships in their life. When I first started seeing my better half I could not communicate for the life of me, I thought only about his needs, I threw myself at him whenever he asked and even if he didn’t ask I would just completely destroy myself to do anything and everything for him. Obviously, I didn’t realize what I was doing, I was too used to being used and abused to realize it. But my better half did. And he didn’t let me throw myself at him, he gave me a voice and a chance to speak my mind and give an opinion. To express my feelings, to feel like a human. Not being in a relationship ever is, in my eyes, better than being in a bad relationship. If you’re faced with a choice of whom to go out with I would say the person that has never been in a relationship. Yes, it comes with challenges, but at least you don’t have to spend the beginning of your relationship correcting all the damages that the previous person did. It’s a tough position to be in, and sometimes you don’t realize your relationship was poison, you just have to hope that the next one that comes has a big enough heart to treat you right and to help you gain the respect that you deserve.

I don’t know what I have done in my life to have deserved such a person. I am forever grateful.

Your Editor

And… the Internet is back

it wasn’t because I was in the woods

Yes, that is where I have gone, into a world where WiFi barely exist and I run around trying to find some sort of service, or even just a sliver of connection to be able to just one more text message. I am so sick and tired of: “hello? Helllooo?? Can you hear me??” and me yelling back “I HEAR YOU! CAN YOU HEAR ME???!” You do not understand the level of frustration and anxiety it gives me. Lesson: make sure you have damn good service in a house before you buy it.

I attempted to blog but the Internet just wouldn’t connect to anything; it was very, very, very, upsetting.

So with the WiFi back let me catch all of you guys up with my life:

The weekend went smooth, we had some unexpected visitors come from out-of-state and it’s very nice to see them, yes they are staying by us, where else would they stay? However, one of them has taken ill and is now hospitalized for possibly stomach cancer and it’s not fun. Mind you all, when they showed up, after I already cooked most of the food for the weekend, I was informed of their vegan status. Trust me when I tell you that I was pretty shocked how that information was not made known to the one cooking all their meals in advance. Foolish souls. Applesauce is a great replacement for eggs by the way 😉

I participated in Sally’s Baking Addiction March competition, I made what I thought was a very pretty cake, however I did not win, so that was disappointing. I also wasn’t one of the lucky ones to get their cake posted on her blog. It seems to me that she tends to use whatever she sees on Facebook as opposed to other social media sites. I guess I won’t be winning anytime soon because I do not have a Facebook account.

Why is that you ask?

Well I am just not interested. My life is too busy. I do not need to spend time looking at whatever everyone else is doing and feeling like I am missing out or why wasn’t I invited. We have enough stress in our life, why on earth would I put myself in a position to just gossip and snoop around other people’s lives? I suppose WordPress is the most I have got to social media and I feel like people use this more as an inspirational and therapeutic environment than to show off. That being the case, I am totally content without it.

As for the rest of the week…

I sort of did something I really shouldn’t have and I knew at the time that I was making a mistake and I should stop and I didn’t. I don’t know what possessed me to act so foolishly, or why I even had the desire too. I guess when things aren’t allowed for you, you have more of a temptation to do those things. Anyway, I feel dreadful. I, however, made peace with myself a little bit because I had a choice to tell my better half or not, if not, he would have never have found out. But as hard as it was: I told him. He reacted in the best way a person could. Legit. He was sweet, so sweet, didn’t scream or yell, or make this about him. He just acted lovingly to try to understand why I did what I shouldn’t have. I feel dreadful and no amount of apologies can take away what I did. It affects him too, and he’s trying to see why I did it because maybe he is the reason why I did it, but he’s not. He can never be. He is too good to me for that. No, I didn’t cheat on him, I’m not that type of girl, and I overly happy being in a relationship with him, but what I did still affects him. The truth was when I did it I wasn’t thinking that he would be affected, just that maybe he would be disappointed. When I had the conversation to him I realized that being in a relationship means that what you do, good or bad, will no matter what or how somehow will always affect your partner. I should have been smarted than I was, I should have realized. I selfishly did something I wanted to do without thinking of the other person in my life, that makes up my life. My life is no longer MY life to live alone and do as I please, I have someone who will be my Husband in a few short months that I constantly need to put ahead of me and think of before acting foolishly. Maybe all of this was supposed to happen so I can learn this lesson. They do say the best lessons in life come from experiences. I wish it wouldn’t have tho.

I’m disappointed in myself. I am better than that.

Your Editor

What a week!

and to think it’s only Wednesday…

I won’t start this off apologizing for not writing in almost a week because it was not like I had a minute. Between traveling and getting ready for the holidays and dealing with family, there has been absolutely no time. I have been going to sleep so late that I wake up in the morning dreading getting up. Some days I can’t seem to get out of bed till 9:25 and that’s only because I have to be at work at 9:30. Thankfully, I live five minutes away. However, with my other siblings in town there has been a shortage of cars so I am dependent on someone driving me to work and let me just tell you that they are never around when you need them. Most days this week I didn’t make it in before 10. As if this all wasn’t enough… I somehow got some breast infection. When I say it’s painful, it’s painful. I generally have a high tolerance for pain but oh my God my boob kills. They have been hurting for a while so I ignored it. But when I felt some sort of ball on it, I freaked out. Good that I freaked out because when I walked into the doctor’s office she asked me why I waited so long to come in! Hopefully the antibiotics help and I don’t need any surgery of some sorts. Please God.

Can I just say something though? If my mother hadn’t raised me so ashamed of my body sexually or made me feel like a gross person every time I discussed something to do with my body, I probably would have told her sooner and wouldn’t have been so stressed out. However, since my mother has made me feel like a complete disgusting person when I discuss such things, I refrain from telling her till the last possible second. This time I was lucky though, I didn’t get any nasty remarks just: “what now?” I preferred that. I don’t think im afraid, right now i just want to cry a bit to release some stress, sadly, I barely have the time for that. I am hoping the Tylenol kicks in until the antibiotics are ready because I don’t know how much longer I can handle this.

Things are really hectic here and they are just going to get even more hectic. I just hope that I can somehow find time to type my feelings and thoughts, because I really need it.

Your Editor