You opened it.

And it hurts

I don’t understand how people go through other’s things!

I feel completely violated. I said do not touch it, so DON’T TOUCH IT!! Like, hellooo???! Where has common respect gone?

I don’t care who you are. What you do. Where you come. If it is not yours: You. Do. Not. Touch. It.

It’s not that I am hiding things you can’t see, it’s the fact that it is mine and if I wanted you to see it I would have allowed you too. Okay, well maybe I wrote a few things down that were personal. Doesn’t every person have a right to that? I didn’t think I couldn’t wright down my feelings and that you would snoop.

What hurts the most is the disrespect. I asked you, and you lied to my face, looked me in the eyes and said you didn’t touch it. Guess what? Everyone else told me you did.

Maybe they could all be wrong but it pains me that you couldn’t respect me enough. It hurts a lot. I can’t even say anything to you because you would just make it worse.

Im sad and really pained, I thought our relationship had turned for the better. I didn’t realize we were still holding were we used to be.

Your Editor

Tell me something embarrassing

Promise you won’t laugh?

Tell me something embarrassing  

I was an interesting child growing up: too old for my age, wild, smiley, and full of very awkward moments. One such as the story below:

I had this best friend in preschool and we played all sorts of games. One day during school we were bored so I decided to come up with a new game to keep us entertained. Generally in preschool they have all sorts of toys in a classroom such as kitchen sets, fake food, etc. Being the crazy me that I was (and maybe still am) I told my friend to stick a fake doughnut in his mouth and I would stand a few feet away from him and kick the doughnut out of his mouth. The first few rounds went great, I kicked it, then he kicked it but then when I got to kick again, I guess I kicked a little too hard… because his two front teeth went flying along with the doughnut!

I was extremely in shock and he was screaming from the pain and blood everywhere. The teachers had no clue what it was that caused it and when I tried explaining that we were just playing I wounded up on the floor in the principles office crying my eyeballs out because we were just playing! In the end, I came in the next day with a yellow smiley face shaped bag with black marker eyes and a mouth, filled with fruit roll-ups, gushers, crayons and a coloring book (don’t ask me why I remember all of that). The day after that, I never saw my friend again.

Well… not never but it felt like never. Until one day in high school I find this girl staring at me weirdly, whispering and looking at me, and following me. Later I found out it was my friend’s sister and they had moved back into town. Boy, was I excited. (sarcasm)

My Mother then of course had to run into them at a school function and I had to listen to them laugh at how crazy I was and how watch we’d end up as lovers because I knocked his teeth out.

What do you know, I am engaged to be married to a completely different human being, what are the odds. (sarcasm)

I think it’s more embarrassing for him to say a girl knocked out his teeth than for me to say I did it 🙂 or maybe that’s just my perspective after years of covering my face in embarrassment.

Your Editor

 

Tell me something embarrassing

Promise you won’t laugh?

I have been thinking about this idea for a while and I finally found myself some time to write it all out and actually carry through with it:

Once a week I will have a post labeled “Tell Me Something Embarrassing” where I will write about a time in my life that was awkward, uncomfortable, weird, etc. The point of doing this is to move on in a way. Part of dealing with past experiences and getting over situations that you are embarrassed or ashamed of that happened in the past is to think/talk about them and then play the scenario back but include the things you would do differently. This shows you that 1. if you were put in the situation again your adult self will be able to handle it in a way that doesn’t make you uncomfortable and 2. it helps you get over the situation.

Please do not hesitate to go through this “exercise” of sorts on your own blog, label your post as I did and link it to this post. I find this helped me through situations I was deeply ashamed about and now, though still a bit embarrassed, I am able to talk about it more than I used to. I am not a doctor though, just offering some helpful, creative ways that helped me progress in my life.

For today I would like to share this story:

When I was five years old, kindergarten, I used to finish my homework really fast so my mother to keep me busy would print out sheets herself from other work books and have me do them. One day I walked into class with a pile of homework sheets and gave them out to a few of my friends for homework. It wouldn’t have been awkward if the story ended there… somehow one of the kids actually took it seriously and was struggling with the homework and I guess when his mother asked him about it he said I had given it to him. That led the boys mother to then call my mother and ask for some explanation as to why her daughter was giving out homework. Which then led to my mother rebuking me for doing something like that. It was awkward for me because my mother had to get involved, she was embarrassed and I felt that in the way she told me off and till this day it bothers me that I was so foolish. When I was younger I would block this story from my mind because I couldn’t handle ever finishing thinking about the whole scenario. It bothered me that my friend didn’t understand that he wasn’t supposed to show it to his mother. It bothered me that adults had to be involved. Obviously, I was a kid and didn’t know the difference but if I could go back I definitely would not have handed out work sheets.

Come back for more embarrassing moments of my life sometime next week ☺️

Your Editor

An unexpected day

when your schedule just doesn’t go your way

I thought today I’d get back to normal… well if you’d call my life normal. But turns out I was very wrong. I finally got to work after working out who will take me because somehow my car is being used by someone other than myself. Okay, so fine, I’m at work and it only takes about an hour and a 45 minute phone call with customer service to get my computer running. Finally able to work and there’s no work to do. I spent the majority of my morning filing HR paperwork, not fun let me tell you. Then I was reminded by the repeated phone calls from my mother that I needed to go to the doctor. Except when I called the doctors office no one seemed to want to pick up the phone. However, my mother being my mother told me to go because the doctor had time now. So I ran/walkedreallyfast to the doctor which is generally a 10-11 minute walk, in about 5 minutes. I show up, they tell me to sit down, they call me in, take my weight, blood pressure, temperature and then I wait. Now, I left work in the midst of a multiple choice question quiz with the intention I’d be back within 30 minutes. It really doesn’t take long to check my breast. That’s what I thought. An hour later the doctor finally graces me with her presence, and I thought she had time, she checks me, prescribes me more meds and an ultrasound. I am not so excited anymore. I walk back to work when I know I should be running because I just took a 30 minute break and made it an hour and I just got back to work today and I was late this morning, but I just don’t have a head to. I get back and my multiple choice question quiz is open waiting for me, I settle down, answer my mother’s repeated questions and finally think I am able to start the clock again for my goal of 20 hours of studying… but nope, here comes actual work. Everything goes back on pause again and I am stuck working the rest of the day.

I had to tell my boss I’ll be out tomorrow morning, which I proudly didn’t even think twice about.

I’m trying to do a million things at once and I forget that what I need the most is to just take a deep breath and give myself a moment to catch up with my legs. My mind and emotions are somewhere else. I have mixed feelings about my mother coming with me to the doctor, I have excitement and anticipation for our wedding, and I have a lot of things I want to get done.

I started looking for cute poses to show the photographer, songs for the wedding dances and the ceremony, dresses, clothes, shoes, jewelry, the list doesn’t end and that makes me happy.

What doesn’t make me happy is I really should be studying and I really should be going to bed earlier and not watching as many Tv shows as I have been. Whatever, as I say: it is what it is, and this time I’ll add that I’m not rushing to change it.

I really was looking forward to having a boring day at work, to work, study, and blog. I miss blogging.

Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

Your Editor

Calling in sick

stop trying to rationalize how you can do something you really don’t want to do

I have come to realize that I am one of those types of people who cringe from saying no or telling people I can’t do something that I either am supposed to or should be doing. For example, I have a doctor’s appointment coming up and I didn’t tell my boss yet because I am already taking off for something else… but the appointment is still on and I just need to just tell her already. It’s not like she is mean about how much I take off (she may be annoying for other reasons 🙂 ) but I still dislike having to tell her. My stomach gets all pins and needles type and it really is uncomfortable.

The funny thing is I have no problem telling people in my family no. Maybe that is just because I am comfortable with them but up until now I have never really considered myself to be one of those people who are afraid to say no.

My better half is the complete opposite though and to me, it feels like sometimes he says no way too quickly. But that is all a matter of perspective.

Yes, I will tell her I can’t come in on that day because I have no idea how long the appointment will be and if it will take most of the morning then I might as well make another appointment for the afternoon and get it out-of-the-way. My problem is though, since I do not know how long the appointment will take I am not sure how to schedule the other appointment that I need to schedule, which makes me unsure of whether I should tell my boss I am missing the whole day or only half of it. I could just be finding reasons to push-off asking her… I am not sure which feeling is stronger, more like I don’t want to have to decide which is stronger. I really do not want to be that person that doesn’t ever say no.

I emailed her right before I left work that I will be taking that day off as well. I ran out of work before she could message me… maybe I am one of those people who never say no.

My mother is and it makes it a thousand times harder for all of us at home. Someone asked on one of the group chats if we could host some people and I was actually shocked when my mother responded that she couldn’t. I wonder what made her finally say no. Maybe because she realized she is nine months pregnant and there already 5 guest in our home and where would she put five more?

All I know is that I better start learning how to stand up for myself with others not just those I am comfortable with so that when I have a family of my own I can put them before others.

Your Editor

 

 

When you have food stuck in your teeth

**hands covering face** how could I have…

You know when you meet someone for the first time and then after they leave you feel all jittery and then you look in the mirror and check your teeth…. and you have food in them, and not just a small piece but like a big one? That feeling where you just want to kick yourself.

I am a very talented person and sometimes in not the best areas; I can’t keep my mouth shut.  I just don’t stop talking. I have gotten better, don’t get me wrong, but I’m still pretty bad. Everytime I say too much I get that same feeling as if I had something in my teeth and didn’t realize.  Except having something in your teeth is something people don’t make that big of a deal about, whereas saying something you probably shouldn’t have could cause a bit more issues.  As I said… I am just really very talented.  These moment happen so often that I can’t even remember one because there is just too many.

Anyway, back to meeting that person and kicking yourself because you should have not said that, or done that, or should have said that but didn’t, the possibilities are endless.

The feeling that I want to harp on though, is when you have that kicking feeling and then they still come back it’s like: 😀 (the biggest smile in the world!) .  Especially if you liked the person. It also shows you something about that other person: that they realize it could have been you on nerves, you not thinking straight, you making a mistake, and to have someone in your life from the first moment you meet understand that you make mistakes but that doesn’t make you, you, is a real blessing.

You hear a lot of stories about people that do something unexpected on their first date and the other person is just like “this is not for me,” but doesn’t even give them a chance to explain.  People do not care anymore that it was an accident, they just care about themselves.  Often you will find people not even confronting the situation. I’m just like; helllooooooo, just ask?! Legit, what is there to lose? It is awkward enough with the big elephant in the room, why on earth won’t you just confront it? It WILL defuse the situation. Trust me, I know.

My better half always lets me bring up that ‘awkward comment’ I made but if I don’t and he thinks I’d do it again without realizing, he’ll let me know, just as he would let me know that I have food stuck in my teeth.  It is more for me than him, and that is the point in your relationship where you realize you have someone special.

When your mother pinched you under the table while you were talking it was because you were embarrassing her, when he gives you the eyeballs or changes the conversation real quick so that no one can harp on what you just said, you know it is because he is stopping you from embarrassing yourself.

Your Editor