An unexpected day

when your schedule just doesn’t go your way

I thought today I’d get back to normal… well if you’d call my life normal. But turns out I was very wrong. I finally got to work after working out who will take me because somehow my car is being used by someone other than myself. Okay, so fine, I’m at work and it only takes about an hour and a 45 minute phone call with customer service to get my computer running. Finally able to work and there’s no work to do. I spent the majority of my morning filing HR paperwork, not fun let me tell you. Then I was reminded by the repeated phone calls from my mother that I needed to go to the doctor. Except when I called the doctors office no one seemed to want to pick up the phone. However, my mother being my mother told me to go because the doctor had time now. So I ran/walkedreallyfast to the doctor which is generally a 10-11 minute walk, in about 5 minutes. I show up, they tell me to sit down, they call me in, take my weight, blood pressure, temperature and then I wait. Now, I left work in the midst of a multiple choice question quiz with the intention I’d be back within 30 minutes. It really doesn’t take long to check my breast. That’s what I thought. An hour later the doctor finally graces me with her presence, and I thought she had time, she checks me, prescribes me more meds and an ultrasound. I am not so excited anymore. I walk back to work when I know I should be running because I just took a 30 minute break and made it an hour and I just got back to work today and I was late this morning, but I just don’t have a head to. I get back and my multiple choice question quiz is open waiting for me, I settle down, answer my mother’s repeated questions and finally think I am able to start the clock again for my goal of 20 hours of studying… but nope, here comes actual work. Everything goes back on pause again and I am stuck working the rest of the day.

I had to tell my boss I’ll be out tomorrow morning, which I proudly didn’t even think twice about.

I’m trying to do a million things at once and I forget that what I need the most is to just take a deep breath and give myself a moment to catch up with my legs. My mind and emotions are somewhere else. I have mixed feelings about my mother coming with me to the doctor, I have excitement and anticipation for our wedding, and I have a lot of things I want to get done.

I started looking for cute poses to show the photographer, songs for the wedding dances and the ceremony, dresses, clothes, shoes, jewelry, the list doesn’t end and that makes me happy.

What doesn’t make me happy is I really should be studying and I really should be going to bed earlier and not watching as many Tv shows as I have been. Whatever, as I say: it is what it is, and this time I’ll add that I’m not rushing to change it.

I really was looking forward to having a boring day at work, to work, study, and blog. I miss blogging.

Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

Your Editor

It’s only been a day

….And I am as pissed as can be.

There is something in this world called RESPECT, that some people just do NOT know exist. Respect to them is whatever is convenient for them.

I’m angry and frustrated. Seems like lately my post have been more complaining than actual help or advice, which would make the lack of views understandable.

I am trying to remember why I started blogging, it’s only been roughly 3.5 months and it has become a list on my to do list. I don’t like that. I should want to blog, and I do, if I wasn’t stressed out, upset, had a million other things that take priority to everyone else yet somehow fall on my shoulders. A friend of mine told me that usually it’s hard for people to transition into marriage but I can probably do it blindfolded. Sounds great for my ego, but I don’t want to be burnt out. I have a friend that was in charge of the laundry in her house growing up, till this day (she’s married with 6 kids) she does not touch an article of laundry. She will not do it. She hires a cleaning lady.

That reminds me of another thing: I grew up calling the household help a maid, however, my better half finds it demoralizing (I think that’s the right word?) and insist on calling her a cleaning lady. I find it sweet of him, how he has the utmost respect for people in all positions. He genuinely cares and to tie this into the top of this blog post, he respects people the way they want to be respected. Since no one knows who I am I can say this: he’s told me in confidence that one day when he becomes wealthy he’s going to spend a night on the streets. Don’t ask me where this idea came into his head, I find it completely outrageous and unusual. But for some reason it’s his thing. So is opening a soup kitchen. That dream I can agree with and I’ll gladly join in.

It’s funny because you don’t expect him to have as big of a heart as he does. He rarely smiles to others and exudes tremendous amount of confidence. Most people within five minutes of meeting him have told him he’s going to be very successful one day. I know that if he sets his heart and mind to something it will turn out amazing. My proof is that he set his heart and mind to our relationship and I see it constantly. With the crazy family that I come from, he as never left, and he has been threatened by both my parents. Despite that, the lack of joyous expression and engagement towards him, the way my siblings treat me and other various external situations he still remains here. To take it one step further, I am not the easiest girl to deal with. I have had my fair share of craziness, addictions, abusive boyfriends, yet somehow he has walked beside me and helped me slowly come around in the span of three years to a whole new being, to no more addictions, to no more self-harm, to no more low self-esteem and self-hatred. It takes a lot.

I heard something interesting the other day: there was a discussion on whether or not entering a relationship with someone who has never been in one is a good idea. My initial thought was no, why would it be? But then I took a minute and reminded myself of the old me and the beginning of my new relationship. When someone is in an unhealthy relationship it affects them and carries through to other relationships in their life. When I first started seeing my better half I could not communicate for the life of me, I thought only about his needs, I threw myself at him whenever he asked and even if he didn’t ask I would just completely destroy myself to do anything and everything for him. Obviously, I didn’t realize what I was doing, I was too used to being used and abused to realize it. But my better half did. And he didn’t let me throw myself at him, he gave me a voice and a chance to speak my mind and give an opinion. To express my feelings, to feel like a human. Not being in a relationship ever is, in my eyes, better than being in a bad relationship. If you’re faced with a choice of whom to go out with I would say the person that has never been in a relationship. Yes, it comes with challenges, but at least you don’t have to spend the beginning of your relationship correcting all the damages that the previous person did. It’s a tough position to be in, and sometimes you don’t realize your relationship was poison, you just have to hope that the next one that comes has a big enough heart to treat you right and to help you gain the respect that you deserve.

I don’t know what I have done in my life to have deserved such a person. I am forever grateful.

Your Editor

And… the Internet is back

it wasn’t because I was in the woods

Yes, that is where I have gone, into a world where WiFi barely exist and I run around trying to find some sort of service, or even just a sliver of connection to be able to just one more text message. I am so sick and tired of: “hello? Helllooo?? Can you hear me??” and me yelling back “I HEAR YOU! CAN YOU HEAR ME???!” You do not understand the level of frustration and anxiety it gives me. Lesson: make sure you have damn good service in a house before you buy it.

I attempted to blog but the Internet just wouldn’t connect to anything; it was very, very, very, upsetting.

So with the WiFi back let me catch all of you guys up with my life:

The weekend went smooth, we had some unexpected visitors come from out-of-state and it’s very nice to see them, yes they are staying by us, where else would they stay? However, one of them has taken ill and is now hospitalized for possibly stomach cancer and it’s not fun. Mind you all, when they showed up, after I already cooked most of the food for the weekend, I was informed of their vegan status. Trust me when I tell you that I was pretty shocked how that information was not made known to the one cooking all their meals in advance. Foolish souls. Applesauce is a great replacement for eggs by the way πŸ˜‰

I participated in Sally’s Baking Addiction March competition, I made what I thought was a very pretty cake, however I did not win, so that was disappointing. I also wasn’t one of the lucky ones to get their cake posted on her blog. It seems to me that she tends to use whatever she sees on Facebook as opposed to other social media sites. I guess I won’t be winning anytime soon because I do not have a Facebook account.

Why is that you ask?

Well I am just not interested. My life is too busy. I do not need to spend time looking at whatever everyone else is doing and feeling like I am missing out or why wasn’t I invited. We have enough stress in our life, why on earth would I put myself in a position to just gossip and snoop around other people’s lives? I suppose WordPress is the most I have got to social media and I feel like people use this more as an inspirational and therapeutic environment than to show off. That being the case, I am totally content without it.

As for the rest of the week…

I sort of did something I really shouldn’t have and I knew at the time that I was making a mistake and I should stop and I didn’t. I don’t know what possessed me to act so foolishly, or why I even had the desire too. I guess when things aren’t allowed for you, you have more of a temptation to do those things. Anyway, I feel dreadful. I, however, made peace with myself a little bit because I had a choice to tell my better half or not, if not, he would have never have found out. But as hard as it was: I told him. He reacted in the best way a person could. Legit. He was sweet, so sweet, didn’t scream or yell, or make this about him. He just acted lovingly to try to understand why I did what I shouldn’t have. I feel dreadful and no amount of apologies can take away what I did. It affects him too, and he’s trying to see why I did it because maybe he is the reason why I did it, but he’s not. He can never be. He is too good to me for that. No, I didn’t cheat on him, I’m not that type of girl, and I overly happy being in a relationship with him, but what I did still affects him. The truth was when I did it I wasn’t thinking that he would be affected, just that maybe he would be disappointed. When I had the conversation to him I realized that being in a relationship means that what you do, good or bad, will no matter what or how somehow will always affect your partner. I should have been smarted than I was, I should have realized. I selfishly did something I wanted to do without thinking of the other person in my life, that makes up my life. My life is no longer MY life to live alone and do as I please, I have someone who will be my Husband in a few short months that I constantly need to put ahead of me and think of before acting foolishly. Maybe all of this was supposed to happen so I can learn this lesson. They do say the best lessons in life come from experiences. I wish it wouldn’t have tho.

I’m disappointed in myself. I am better than that.

Your Editor

A whole lot of thoughts

something captivating πŸ˜‰

I used to be able to go to sleep at 3 AM, wake up at 730 AM and be fine all day- tolerable, actually, I’m selling myself short, I was able to function just fine! However, the past year I have been training myself to go to bed somewhere between 10 PM and 12 AM. This past week I haven’t gone to bed before 12 AM and I am a complete mess. My eyes twitch (yes, that is because I am over-tired), I have very little energy, and I can barely keep my eyes open. Oh, and I am consuming abnormally large consumptions of food. It’s not fun; I gained 12 lbs. already, don’t ask me how.

That’s another thing: I never stress ate in my life. When I was stressed I wouldn’t be able to eat for days, I’d have to force myself to swallow and not throw up. So, I guess you can say now I’m a healthy normal person πŸ™‚ .

When I started blogging my better half had me get some books to help me figure my way around WordPress. One of the things I read was that it is important to post during the time frame that your users are active. At first I played around with different timings, trying to figure out when people were checking out my site etc. but I couldn’t and still can’t figure out when the best time to post is. A lot of sites I follow have their posts go up at 6 AM or 7 AM, but to me I don’t feel that it’s a good time and I’ll explain why: the first thing people do in the morning is check their phone, their texts, their emails, they skim through everything and don’t really give it much attention, unless something catches their eye. If my post isn’t captivating enough just by the title then they are most likely to just skim right over it and most probably forget about it and maybe a couple of days later when they are bored and flipping through their followed sites, they’ll see my post. That being the case, the late afternoon, early evenings seems like a reasonable time to post. However, I often schedule post and they are supposed to go up automatically, but for some reason they don’t. I am not always able to have a computer on me that I can just open and post it myself; it gets frustrating sometimes and blogging isn’t supposed to be, it’s a way for me to distress. Maybe as I get better in the blogging world I will find new tricks and figure out what time people are interested in reading my post. For now, I realize that when the weekends come I generally have a hard time posting. That being the case, I will just post when I can and hope people will continue to be interested in the randomness of me (if that makes any sense at all).

Another random thought: Organizing!

I don’t know what it is about emptying a whole bunch of filled cabinets and putting everything back in an organized way, but it is so therapeutic. If you haven’t tried it, I HIGHLY suggest it. You will feel better about yourself because:

  1. You’re not around a constant mess
  2. You have just accomplished something and who doesn’t feel proud after they accomplish something time-consuming
  3. You will know where everything is and trust me, that is one satisfying feeling

Tip: take a before and after picture, it will increase your satisfaction!

With all that said or more like typed, my head is bursting from trying to think too much.

Have a great weekend! (because I highly doubt I will have time to blog:( )

Your Editor

 

 

CPA application process

I am on the verge of giving up.

I have never been through something as annoying as this never-ending process. I applied in January, it is March. Yep, January, February, March, and I’d hate to jinx myself but I am pretty sure April will be on that list soon too.

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I have been studying, but I am the type of person who studies more when she knows there is a test scheduled. I used to be that type where I studied two weeks in advance of everything and was ALWAYS prepared. But after college, and dreaded high school, I just don’t care anymore. I know I should, being that these tests are like the hardest things ever.

Every time I get an email from NASBA I get a bit of hope and then I open it and I just want to die, more papers missing, more transcripts missing, more “your application is incomplete”!!!

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I got one email that got my hopes SO high, it said my application was COMPLETE!!! and then the next morning I woke up to another email saying “you are missing these documents and at this time your application is incomplete.”

Let’s just say when I called their customer service line, I wasn’t too happy. However, since I was caller #45, I had some time to cool off till I got to #1. Half hour later I finally get through to someone and boy, was she in a worse mood than me.

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I would be too if I had to answer every one of the 45 calls ahead of mine.

So here’s a heads up: doesn’t apparently matter what college you graduated from, they want EVERY SINGLE transcript from every place you ever went to, and no, it doesn’t matter that you transferred all your credits over, they want it from the source. Why couldn’t it just say that in the instructions? Also, they don’t supply any email to send your transcripts to, so the first few I did by mail, and that takes time. Call them up before you apply and ask for the email. Legit, ridiculous.

I highly suggest you start the application long before you intend to take the exam so that you can at least have time to get all the crazy amount of paperwork you somehow need in order to just SIT for the exam.

Wish me luck people, I seriously need it.

Your Editor.

Let’s all just take a moment and be positive

all it takes is one minute and you can be snapped back into your happy self

My friend sent me this picture and said it was perfect for my life right now and I responded no it’s not 😰. She asked me what happened and all I can think of responding back is: what didn’t happen.

I apparently need to ask permission before I leave the house. What have I become? 12 yrs old? Like, seriously?!

After a much-needed rest I am now able to face the day. Sometimes there are just too many things happening all at the same time and it can make you want to blow up, and that is when you must change your perspective, maybe not the second after the situation but maybe a little after that.

To be honest with you I am not generally the type that naturally is in a bad mood. There are usually three or four reasons of why I am upset/angry/frustrated/annoyed/snappy/yelling/sad:

  • I am on my period or getting it or just finished it (so roughly a few days before and a few days after my cycle)
  • I am hungry (yes I am one of those “hangry” people)
  • I am tired
  • Someone at home pissed me off

Reading that list makes me sound like a baby and I don’t mean an immature person, I mean an actual baby, the ones that cry when they poop, are hungry, tired, or someone bothered them.

We all know what put as in a certain unpleasant mood, it is getting out of it that is usually the problem. Some people, like me, are to lazy to actually mentally make themself just go do whatever it is they need to do to snap them out of their bitchy mood, like go get something to eat. It may take someone around you to send you to bed or order ice cream but it shouldn’t have to. Don’t get me wrong, it is really sweet to get a knock on your door and see your spouse/partner has ordered you your favorite food or anything to make you happy (they probably just did it to make you shut up though, they were getting tired of hearing you whine and bitch). With all that said, I can tell you that it will take practice but putting yourself out of your own misery is sometimes better than waiting for someone else to do it for you.

So, yes I was over-tired, and yes I was yelling but I at least went to sleep because I knew that was what was going to make me feel better. Now, what did you do?

Your Editor