What gives you positive feelings?

#happyplace

I have not had a minute to try new recipes or be in the kitchen and it feels as though a part of me is missing. I love the feeling of putting everything I have into a recipe and staring at the oven as it grows into a beautiful perfection. I must have over 30 cookbooks and I just want more and more. I love being involved with the cooking and baking; it just feels natural to me. Not being in the kitchen for over two months has me itching to just bake all day and try out new recipes. I want to invent and create concoctions that will make people happy. It satisfies me so much hearing people get enjoyment for the things I make. I have no time now, I know I won’t have much time over the next few months but I hope to be able to make as much time as I can. It is important to make time for the things that breathe life into you. It is crucial to surround yourself with things that make you happy in a world filled of darkness and cruelty.

I hope all of you are passionate about something as strongly as I am. If you are not, I highly suggest you make some time to discover what fills your life with positivity, it is a worthwhile investment. Knowing what you can do to make any day turn better, any moment mean more, makes life better.

Your Editor

My dream

follow what makes you happiest, you only live once

There is a short list of things I absolutely love to do and they are: bake, cook, write, puzzles, and read. Let’s start from the bottom first:

Reading: my whole high school I spent in the back of a classroom reading a different book every couple of days. My grandmother is the type of person that had a bottomless library and whenever I went over, I stashed a bunch for the week. It was a bit tricky though because my parents didn’t approve of what I read so I would have to hide them. That usually meant sneaking them into the bathroom and staying in there for hours trying to finish the book or waiting until I heard my sister fast asleep and taking out a flashlight to read under my blanket. I read so many books, some of my favorites are:

  • Beyond Eden by Catherine Coulter
  • Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
  • The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
  • Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
  • The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson (the whole series)

I also read most of the Star Wars books, though I am not one of those extreme fans. I am not usually obsessed with books like those are with Star Wars, Harry Potter, and all the other big series. It is funny because my younger siblings are all reading the books I read when I was their age and it brings back many memories. There was also another series that I oddly enjoyed: Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer. A lot of the books I don’t remember by name anymore, I only remember when I see the front cover. The more I spend time writing this, the more books are coming back into my mind 🙂 .

So why did I stop reading? I got a lot of books taken away, a lot of arguments with my parents about how I am too young to be reading this or that, and just because I ran out of time, plus, I felt like I read everything. Now a days I pick up a book and it’s like reading a porn script. I just want a good book not something so obvious how everything will end. However, I plan to start subscribing to: Crate of Joy, (creds to my Pilate’s teacher for telling me about this!). Also, there’s just no time to read now 😦 it makes me really sad to admit that but it is true. I need to make time though… in between all that studying.

Puzzles: yes, I am one of those. Give me a puzzle, any puzzle, and I will be happy for hours. The problem was that every time I started a 1000 piece puzzle or 2000 piece puzzle no matter how I hide the puzzle, locked my door, bought the puzzle contraption thing to keep my puzzle all together, one of the kids would get to it and I would come home to all my puzzle pieces scattered all over the house. No matter if I counted all the pieces and finally was able to start all over again, the next day somehow the puzzle pieces would be scattered all over the house yet again. After not being able to finish so many puzzles and having to throw them out because I just can’t find the last piece; I have given up on puzzles for the time being but they are still part of my happy place.

Write: I wrote a book when I was in high school (one of the other things I did in class when I couldn’t pull off reading a book in front of the teacher). I didn’t publish it…. yet. A lot of kids would read it in class and they all loved it. To be honest with you, I loved and hated writing it. It’s easier to write when life is upside down and everything seems so black. It is a lot harder to write when you’re on stable ground, the words don’t flow as fast or as smooth and everything sounds ten times better when it is coming from a place of deep emotion. I used to write poems of some sorts but those are in the trash or at the bottom of the ocean. My better half is the one that pushed me to blog. I mentioned it and he ran with it. He knows what I need to be happy 🙂 .

Cooking & Baking: I LOVE the kitchen. Love is an understatement it is just the one place that no matter what I am feeling can make me feel better. I stress bake a lot. Once I made 6 batches of chocolate chip cookies and 2 batches of brownie bars in one night. It just makes me happy. I love it. I am happy just thinking about it.

So what is my dream…?

I want to go to culinary school. I want to learn to cook better. Baking comes, thank God, naturally, but cooking is a bit tougher for me and I want to try it until I am as good as I am at baking. I am not THAT amazing at baking but I would consider myself pretty okay for someone who has had no teaching or time to invest in teaching myself. I wish I can just pause life and just spend time traveling the world and learning the foods of different countries and how to make all the flavors go together to create magic in your mouth when you take a bite. I wish I can open up a little bakery where I just work myself and create and put things together that make people happy. I feel so satisfied taking things out of the oven and watching people enjoy eating something I made.

I won’t give up, even if I have to start at the bottom and spend time doing things I don’t enjoy as much so that I can save up money to do what I love, I will do it. Who knows, maybe I will still be blogging and maybe you’ll all hear all about it.

I heard a speech once about this Disney animator who described his story of how he got to work for Disney, which was his dream. He had a dream, he knew what he wanted, and that is the first place everyone needs to start. Find something you just can’t live without, something that starts a fire within you and do something about it. Unlike all those people out there, myself included, that have a dream, passion, and do nothing about it. Take your dream and you have the equal sign to your equation. Simply find what things you will need to add up together to make your dream come true. This man knew he had to apply to 4 top colleges in order to even be considered by Disney so his equation began: one of the 4 colleges= Disney animator. When he got to that college he realized that in order to get his dream he would need an internship at Disney, so his equation expanded: one of the 4 colleges + internship at Disney = Disney animator. As the years went on he focused on his solution, adding anything that he encountered that could possibly help him reach the end of his equation. Sure enough, he did it. He now works as a Disney animator and worked on a lot of the classical movies, as well as more current ones. But more importantly, he followed his dream. He left us with two things: 1. no dream is impossible so don’t ever think yours is 2. he made us all write down on a piece of paper this quote: “nobody worked harder today than me.”

What does it mean? It means you can go to sleep knowing you did everything in your power today to get you one step closer to fulfilling your dream, and if you can’t say that to yourself every night before you go to bed then don’t go to bed until you can.

Your Editor

 

Twisted

balance your giving and taking, it’ll make your life a happier place

Life is full of unexpected events.

Today was a good day but it was twisted. I was happy but sad. Enjoying myself but knew deep down I was suffering. It was twisted. I didn’t enjoy it very much but yet there were some moments I thought were precious: that FaceTime call, baking cookies with my little cousin, playing with my little sister, and feeling proud about my fruit tart :).

So why was it so twisted? Let me just tell you this: the world is filled with givers and takers, you can be either or, but very few people are both. When you are surrounded my takers your life can either feel completely empty or somewhat full. Meaning: if I give because I know you will appreciate that I am giving, my life becomes a somewhat full life but if I am giving knowing your taking will never end, my life has just become completely empty.  I give. Unconditionally, except when I am being used dry and then I just cannot take it anymore. You can’t blame me, I am tired of being used. But some people just don’t know their boundaries, you give and they want more, and more, and more, and oh did I mention that they want more? So you see today was a beautiful day because I just let it not get to me: the fact that people are taking everything out of me. It is not as horrible as it sounds when you read it but it is quiet a not so great feeling.

I love to bake so when I was asked my automatic response is: yes. But call me crazy, I was sort of expecting a “thank you,” or anything for that matter? I get it, you needed the cake and you didn’t have time to do it but then shouldn’t it mean so much more to you that I went and did it for you? Call me crazy (don’t worry, you wouldn’t be the first) but I was sort of expecting something.

Now you’re probably thinking well she’s probably not really a giver but a giver that is giving only to take and my reply to that thought is: no. I give without expecting in return. Then why did I expect something here? Well maybe it’s because this person has a tendency to be passive aggressive (Dr. Perry has a good post on the character traits of this type of person), she takes, takes, takes, and makes me very not happy. She doesn’t just take what I give her, she thinks everything is hers and she can take whatever she wants, whenever she wants WITHOUT ASKING! You don’t do that. After saying no soooo many times to her, you would think she would be at least somewhat appreciative when I said yes.

I am learning now, or trying to, to balance a giver and taker, because there is no reason in the world why you can’t be both. Saying thank you is just proper etiquette, not even expectations.

That was just five minutes of my day. The rest of it had some twisted moments but I am focusing on being positive, not with her though, I don’t need to try and convice myself that she’s changed when she probably never will.

Wish me luck, she’ll be here all weekend.

Your Editor

The craziness of life

I decided to just write today, even if it has no meaning or purpose at all, I just have so much on my mind and head that I want to get off.

It’s a crazy week this week, I have a million (okay that is an exaggeration) different family members staying by my house and I have to give up my room and it is just so frustrating. I legit had to move everything out and just organize all my stuff because I don’t need my sister’s husband all over my closet. Not that he’s the type but STILL – so awkward.  Then my mother tells me that I got to finish baking my brother’s birthday cake a week before his birthday because other family members want to be there for the ‘no party, party,’ because there really is no party. Just my cake.

My Pilate’s teacher laughs at the craziness of my life.  Today I told her I could do stand up comedy and I would be so good at it.  Should I tell you why? because my life is so crazy and there would be just so much to talk about. But I guess I should be thankful, don’t get me wrong, I am, just everyone needs to vent once in a while.

You know when you have so much work to do but of things you do NOT want to be doing? and then you have so much work to do of things you DO want to do? Well that is my life right now. Obviously, I do not want to have to deal with everything I need to deal with, which just stresses me out more. The day isn’t long enough. But then again nor is the night and yes, yes, I know: take one thing at a time! but I just can’t help it! I want to get everything done now! I was the girl who the minute an assignment was scheduled I had it done that night, MAX the next day.  Because I just don’t like having a list of things to do.  I like having the ability to choose what I want to do and when. Despite the fact that I have a million different lists.

Anyway my life is about to get even more hectic because my mother, yes my mother, is having her 10th, yes I said the 10th child. Yay me 🙂 It’s great, it’s nice, it’s beautiful, except when I got to raise them and then it’s like if I wanted that, I’d just have my own kids. The truth is she does raise them, just when I get home she can’t handle them anymore (which makes sense after having to deal with them all day, just sucks for me).

I also am a very giving person.  Sometimes I give wayyy too much though and it shoots me in the leg (and I say the leg and not any other part of my body because I can’t do anything that requires my feet afterwards).  So because my cousin is on and off in the hospital, I told my Aunt and Uncle that I’d stop by and entertain their other son. Which of course is happening tomorrow, the same day that a million of those family members and other beings are coming into my house.  But I figured I’d rather not be in the middle of two very pregnant woman, 8 kids under the age of 12, and 6 people ranging from 15-22. Oh wait… I forgot my 80 something year old grandparents (God bless them), and my brothers two friends, and my mother’s sister from Holland and her husband. Where would you rather be?

I miss my better half. At times like these I really wish he was here: 1. it would make my life a thousand times easier and 2. I’d be able to actually have a face-to-face conversation with him which would be so much better because when I’m stressed I make no sense. I am trying to ignore the fact that I have my CPA exams coming up and that I really need to focus on studying. How do people manage all these things?! It is times like this that I really just need to stop everything I’m doing and just take a big, long deep breath and not panic when I’m done.

You know what I miss most? Just sitting down and being able to read a book, with not a care in the world, and all the time on my hands. When we’re kids we are all so busy trying to grow up as fast as we can and now that we are all here it’s like where is my time?

Your Editor