Balancing

learn to balance your need for protecting your child with their ability to grow into adults

I don’t know what it is about some parents but at some point they need to learn to cut the cord. You would think that once was a sign at childbirth but no. Maybe I don’t get it because I am not a parent but seriously?!

I get that you want to protect your kids and never want them to get harmed or lose their innocence, but sometimes, keeping them tied to your hip is more harmful than not.

Take a married child for example: they should not be at their parents home more than their own home. It affects their relationship with their spouse.

Some men are ‘mama’s boys’ and they are always crawling back home. This becomes a challenge for their partner/spouse because where do they fit in? I know someone who turns to their parents before their spouse. They view their spouse as…. nothing, to be honest with you I don’t even know how they got married. The spouse has no credibility, they both don’t listen to each other, and they barely spend time together. You may think I am talking about someone who has been married for 10 maybe 15 years…

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They have been married for almost two years. It wasn’t like they spent time dating either or knew each other for five years before they got married. Sadly, it looks like it. Now, I can’t say it’s all their fault, the in-laws aren’t much help either. Once your child is married you don’t get involved in the decisions they make as a couple. If they ask for advice, you can give them your opinion, but that is it!

I may look back on this post when I have my own kids one day and laugh at how crazy I sounded but I really do believe, right now that is, that there is only so much, and so long, that you can control your children.

On the flip side, the younger generations are of a different breed and they are primarily focused on their over-inflated egos, so if their parents are from a bit back, raising them and controlling them becomes a challenge.

Every kid needs a different level of control in order to help them grow into responsible adults. You can’t simply decide that because you can’t control what your child wants, and all they think about is themselves that you will just leave them alone to fend for themselves. No. Put your foot down, make them pay for their car, gas, and other desires that you do not agree with them having. Until they can meet you halfway, meaning say you have certain expectations of your child (which all parents should have because that is what will force your child to think outside their four feet) and your child has not met any of them, and I’m not talking about those parents who expect their child to do everything that when they were a kid, were unable to, I am talking about expecting your child to do their homework, help out in the house, wake up at a reasonable time etc., if your child can not do the bare minimum of your expectations, then don’t meet the bare minimum of their expectations. Depending on what home environment you come from or are building, their expectations will be different. If you have money, the child may expect that they are entitled to certain things, taking away those things will make them stop with the me, me, me, and actually think further than that moment of instant pleasure.

It is sad because it will take these kids late into their life, when possibly their parents are no longer around, to realize “wow, this attitude on life is completely self-absorbed and foolish.”

It is never too late, however, the time wasted can never be brought back. Control each kid the way they need it, in order to make them the best person they can be, not because you can’t bear to see your little baby grow up, you’re ruining them more than building them.

Your Editor

More than just afraid of the unknown

when you’re irrationally afraid of something you have never experienced

Where do I begin?

I don’t know what it is about childbirth but I am petrified, most people are though. However, I am afraid at a whole new level. When I found out my sister was pregnant, for about the last 4 months of her pregnancy I had nightmares every night. I would wake up drenched in a pool of my own sweat. I didn’t ever go anywhere with her alone and when I did I held my breath until someone came back or we returned. I couldn’t stand the idea of her water breaking and me being the only one there to deal with the situation. Legit, petrified.

I did a lot of things to distract myself but some nights I was afraid to go to sleep because I didn’t know what nightmare I would have and I didn’t want to think about it anymore.

So, when I had to rearrange all my plans last night and come rushing home to deal with the kids while my parents ran to the hospital, I did my very best to think about everything but my mother. I really don’t know what it is or why I am so afraid. My sister ended up having a very, understatement, traumatic birth experience. I wasn’t there to witness it but gosh her face had red splotches from all the blood vessels she popped.

I haven’t had any nightmares for about 5 months now (about giving birth) and I will not begin to let my mind wander down that road because it is the last place I want to be. My better half mentioned last night that we may need to go for counseling when we get pregnant. I think most people take classes and what not, but he is probably right, I may need a little more breathing lessons than others 😉 .

I guess I will let you know when I get to that point in my life 🙂

Your Editor