Make your own magic

it’s so simple

Photo by Sarah Trummer from Pexels

A very sweet friend of mine gave me this awesome birthday present: The Happy Planner. I think I have spoken about it before but in case that I haven’t, IT IS A MUST BUY! For someone like me, who loves to be organized, keep lists, be focused, and on track, it really puts you in a great mood. I sat today filling it all up and it makes me happy inside. I love being organized and feeling like everything is all settled and taken care of. If you haven’t done so yet, I highly suggest it! (Also, on a side note- great present!) 🙂

You know that feeling you have when the world is spinning around you and you’re trying to hold on to something but every chance you get somehow you end up attached to something else and then when you look back, you have completely forgotten what was just in your face two minutes ago? If you haven’t had that feeling than wow you’re lucky! If you have had it-I get it you’re a busy, busy person!

As I am sure you all know, I am always busy, hence my lack of blog posts. However, I am a firm believer in making time for things that matter to me (don’t ask me why there hasn’t been many blog posts though lol). Anyway, back to what I was saying: life has me hanging upside down at the moment, thankfully for good reasons though. There is one thing though… no I am not complaining… I will need surgery and it just so happens that everything is falling out all within the same two weeks (so please, forgive me in advance for the lack of blog posts). What is it that people say? It’s good to be busy? Yes, agreed, but every so often a chance to sit and hold a warm cup of tea and take a deep breath would be really wonderful.

My better half is in town this weekend and it is so refreshing seeing his clean-shaven face, (that he does specially for me- don’t you love it when they care so much about you that even the smallest of things that make you happy suddenly mean so much more coming from him?) smile, smell, and just hear his laugh. Oh, and the absolute best part is that I can finally put down my phone! I know it sounds odd, but long distance relationships mean always calling/texting/FaceTiming, emailing, everything that involves a screen, and I know that the new generation is all for technology but I won’t lie and tell you I like it. I prefer the silence, no phones buzzing, nothing to rush to, you know, the life you can actually enjoy? Sorry, rambling again.

To be quite honest with you all, I would love to sit here and brag about how wonderful my better half is and tell you all about the things he does for me but that is what the world and social media wants from all of us today. I feel as though blogging isn’t as much as social media in this regard- let me explain: social media has become a place where people plaster their life, things, people they interact with and anything they can get their hands on to show off. Since people are acting this way, followers that are having a low day, moment, period of their life, view these posts, pictures, etc. and get the wrong impression, causing them to be angry, upset, jealous. Take a simple example: say you walk into your home and your partner hadn’t taken out the trash, after you asked him and reminded him numerous times, you will get angry at them, either have a fight with them or something will just be off. Then, you go to your friend’s house and you see their partner taking out the trash… and it all goes downhill and all because of your garbage. Obviously, this was a small example, but as the saying goes, it could be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Now, take my example and fit it into the constant swiping motion our thumbs do the majority of the day, it’s all so close to you, so easy to access that it becomes less of a distraction (what I believe it was intended to be) and more of a blood boiler. Therefore, I will not brag and I will not complain, I will simply say that we all have someone who does things for us in life, you can choose to make those moments the magic between you or you can choose to make it the worlds.

Your Editor

 

Hey all…

There’s no reason but the truth

No, I didn’t get abducted and disappear from the world, I simply got lost… or something like that 🙂

So update on my life, here goes:

I am all over the place. Between kids and flying from here to there and back again, and then the doctors. More doctors and then the same doctors and then all over again. LOL it never ends. But hey, it can be worse!

Somehow my days are filled with everything and nothing at all. It’s funny what God does for you. It’s like he really does know what it is and how it is that you need. I can’t tell you I understand it at all, but I’d be a fool not to admit to seeing it.

In the span of such a short few days, a life was created and a life was lost. I don’t know what was more bittersweet than to be surrounded by such opposite spectrums of the world. I can’t say I am ecstatic and I can’t say I am in pain, all I can say that within this very moment I am surrounded by both life and death, causing everything in between to fit precisely in between the two. It’s odd but beautiful. Challenging but rewarding. I’d say see for yourself but sometimes that objectively is hard to find.

Be careful though, every moment is filled with so much… it can all just blow up before you even realize.

Tread lightly and don’t let it all pass you. Try and make it last because what’s gone will never come back.

Your Editor

Did I ask your opinion?

I think not.

Life, life, life, and more life. Please tell me when do all these decisions end?

1. I am tired of making them

2. I am tired of people making me take their opinion as my own

3. It’s my life so shouldn’t it be my decision?

I have learned many things as a result of being a part of a big family and one of those things is when everyone has an opinion they will most likely consider theirs as the right one and therefore convince you, manipulate you, and do whatever it takes for you to take their opinion as your own.

I have also learned that following those opinions that are not your own will most likely mean you will regret them and the majority of the time it will be too late to change them.

So a note to myself and a note to all of you with bossy siblings or meddling parents: do your best and never not put your foot down when you know what you want. And even if you don’t know what you want but you know what you don’t want, then hold your ground because you will regret it (and that’s not just advice for all of you but me too).

Life has been so super busy that things are finally settling down and I feel as though there is a list of things I need to get done and I have no idea what is on that list.

I will apologize though for the lack of blog post. I really do miss it, so don’t take it as though I have moved on to the next hobby.

I am falling asleep now so hopefully, I will be back tomorrow with more on my exciting life. And for all of you who missed the sarcasm there, take note of it.

Your Editor

Life can be as simple as a pie of pizza

Depending who you ask I suppose

It’s funny how life surprises you sometimes. I feel like we’re all living some sort of reality show and each of us (or I should say some of us) are living off each other.

I don’t know what to make of all the mixed emotions and craziness combined with all the positive events, it has just turned into a cat playing with a ball of yarn: I have no clue where the cat is (and that’s me, if none of you guys got that).

I think that is why I like dry, bitter, comedy. Everyone’s life is crazy but they some how make it into a humorous event. I find myself telling over my “reality show” to people in a very similar way.

I don’t want my blog post to be negative so I turn that negativity into humor. I am sure there is a psychological word for it or something.

So here’s an episode of today’s events:

I am laying on the doctors bed or whatever you call those things with my bra off and my sister FaceTimes in, of course my mother is there and answers because why not let my sister and brother in law see my topless? I then listen to then small talk on VERY high volume that I am almost sure everyone in the doctors office heard them. Mind you, the conversation went something like this: how are you? Good, how are you? Where are you? At the Doctor with you sister (camera turns towards me- I completely ignore) what did the doctor say? We didn’t see him yet. Oh, okay, what else? Nothing (shrug of a shoulder) did you take a nap? you’re going to be tired tonight. (Mind you she’s married for a few years now) Nah, I don’t have time to. Okay, well the doctors here so we’ll talk later. Okay, bye.

Now what exactly was the point of that conversation? Anyway, doctor comes in and I am touched with very cold hands. I don’t get it, can’t doctors like warm their hands before they touch your bare skin? Its freezing enough in the office as it is! He then proceeds to tell me an analogy of how my surgery will go: “well you see, it’s like taking a pie of pizza and we’ll just cut off a really small slice and close the pizza back together”…. and there goes pizza for me.

However, don’t you worry because it will only be a slightly deformed pie of pizza.

I am now wondering the psychology behind comparing my nipple to pizza.

Your editor

An unexpected day

when your schedule just doesn’t go your way

I thought today I’d get back to normal… well if you’d call my life normal. But turns out I was very wrong. I finally got to work after working out who will take me because somehow my car is being used by someone other than myself. Okay, so fine, I’m at work and it only takes about an hour and a 45 minute phone call with customer service to get my computer running. Finally able to work and there’s no work to do. I spent the majority of my morning filing HR paperwork, not fun let me tell you. Then I was reminded by the repeated phone calls from my mother that I needed to go to the doctor. Except when I called the doctors office no one seemed to want to pick up the phone. However, my mother being my mother told me to go because the doctor had time now. So I ran/walkedreallyfast to the doctor which is generally a 10-11 minute walk, in about 5 minutes. I show up, they tell me to sit down, they call me in, take my weight, blood pressure, temperature and then I wait. Now, I left work in the midst of a multiple choice question quiz with the intention I’d be back within 30 minutes. It really doesn’t take long to check my breast. That’s what I thought. An hour later the doctor finally graces me with her presence, and I thought she had time, she checks me, prescribes me more meds and an ultrasound. I am not so excited anymore. I walk back to work when I know I should be running because I just took a 30 minute break and made it an hour and I just got back to work today and I was late this morning, but I just don’t have a head to. I get back and my multiple choice question quiz is open waiting for me, I settle down, answer my mother’s repeated questions and finally think I am able to start the clock again for my goal of 20 hours of studying… but nope, here comes actual work. Everything goes back on pause again and I am stuck working the rest of the day.

I had to tell my boss I’ll be out tomorrow morning, which I proudly didn’t even think twice about.

I’m trying to do a million things at once and I forget that what I need the most is to just take a deep breath and give myself a moment to catch up with my legs. My mind and emotions are somewhere else. I have mixed feelings about my mother coming with me to the doctor, I have excitement and anticipation for our wedding, and I have a lot of things I want to get done.

I started looking for cute poses to show the photographer, songs for the wedding dances and the ceremony, dresses, clothes, shoes, jewelry, the list doesn’t end and that makes me happy.

What doesn’t make me happy is I really should be studying and I really should be going to bed earlier and not watching as many Tv shows as I have been. Whatever, as I say: it is what it is, and this time I’ll add that I’m not rushing to change it.

I really was looking forward to having a boring day at work, to work, study, and blog. I miss blogging.

Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

Your Editor

It’s only been a day

….And I am as pissed as can be.

There is something in this world called RESPECT, that some people just do NOT know exist. Respect to them is whatever is convenient for them.

I’m angry and frustrated. Seems like lately my post have been more complaining than actual help or advice, which would make the lack of views understandable.

I am trying to remember why I started blogging, it’s only been roughly 3.5 months and it has become a list on my to do list. I don’t like that. I should want to blog, and I do, if I wasn’t stressed out, upset, had a million other things that take priority to everyone else yet somehow fall on my shoulders. A friend of mine told me that usually it’s hard for people to transition into marriage but I can probably do it blindfolded. Sounds great for my ego, but I don’t want to be burnt out. I have a friend that was in charge of the laundry in her house growing up, till this day (she’s married with 6 kids) she does not touch an article of laundry. She will not do it. She hires a cleaning lady.

That reminds me of another thing: I grew up calling the household help a maid, however, my better half finds it demoralizing (I think that’s the right word?) and insist on calling her a cleaning lady. I find it sweet of him, how he has the utmost respect for people in all positions. He genuinely cares and to tie this into the top of this blog post, he respects people the way they want to be respected. Since no one knows who I am I can say this: he’s told me in confidence that one day when he becomes wealthy he’s going to spend a night on the streets. Don’t ask me where this idea came into his head, I find it completely outrageous and unusual. But for some reason it’s his thing. So is opening a soup kitchen. That dream I can agree with and I’ll gladly join in.

It’s funny because you don’t expect him to have as big of a heart as he does. He rarely smiles to others and exudes tremendous amount of confidence. Most people within five minutes of meeting him have told him he’s going to be very successful one day. I know that if he sets his heart and mind to something it will turn out amazing. My proof is that he set his heart and mind to our relationship and I see it constantly. With the crazy family that I come from, he as never left, and he has been threatened by both my parents. Despite that, the lack of joyous expression and engagement towards him, the way my siblings treat me and other various external situations he still remains here. To take it one step further, I am not the easiest girl to deal with. I have had my fair share of craziness, addictions, abusive boyfriends, yet somehow he has walked beside me and helped me slowly come around in the span of three years to a whole new being, to no more addictions, to no more self-harm, to no more low self-esteem and self-hatred. It takes a lot.

I heard something interesting the other day: there was a discussion on whether or not entering a relationship with someone who has never been in one is a good idea. My initial thought was no, why would it be? But then I took a minute and reminded myself of the old me and the beginning of my new relationship. When someone is in an unhealthy relationship it affects them and carries through to other relationships in their life. When I first started seeing my better half I could not communicate for the life of me, I thought only about his needs, I threw myself at him whenever he asked and even if he didn’t ask I would just completely destroy myself to do anything and everything for him. Obviously, I didn’t realize what I was doing, I was too used to being used and abused to realize it. But my better half did. And he didn’t let me throw myself at him, he gave me a voice and a chance to speak my mind and give an opinion. To express my feelings, to feel like a human. Not being in a relationship ever is, in my eyes, better than being in a bad relationship. If you’re faced with a choice of whom to go out with I would say the person that has never been in a relationship. Yes, it comes with challenges, but at least you don’t have to spend the beginning of your relationship correcting all the damages that the previous person did. It’s a tough position to be in, and sometimes you don’t realize your relationship was poison, you just have to hope that the next one that comes has a big enough heart to treat you right and to help you gain the respect that you deserve.

I don’t know what I have done in my life to have deserved such a person. I am forever grateful.

Your Editor

And… the Internet is back

it wasn’t because I was in the woods

Yes, that is where I have gone, into a world where WiFi barely exist and I run around trying to find some sort of service, or even just a sliver of connection to be able to just one more text message. I am so sick and tired of: “hello? Helllooo?? Can you hear me??” and me yelling back “I HEAR YOU! CAN YOU HEAR ME???!” You do not understand the level of frustration and anxiety it gives me. Lesson: make sure you have damn good service in a house before you buy it.

I attempted to blog but the Internet just wouldn’t connect to anything; it was very, very, very, upsetting.

So with the WiFi back let me catch all of you guys up with my life:

The weekend went smooth, we had some unexpected visitors come from out-of-state and it’s very nice to see them, yes they are staying by us, where else would they stay? However, one of them has taken ill and is now hospitalized for possibly stomach cancer and it’s not fun. Mind you all, when they showed up, after I already cooked most of the food for the weekend, I was informed of their vegan status. Trust me when I tell you that I was pretty shocked how that information was not made known to the one cooking all their meals in advance. Foolish souls. Applesauce is a great replacement for eggs by the way 😉

I participated in Sally’s Baking Addiction March competition, I made what I thought was a very pretty cake, however I did not win, so that was disappointing. I also wasn’t one of the lucky ones to get their cake posted on her blog. It seems to me that she tends to use whatever she sees on Facebook as opposed to other social media sites. I guess I won’t be winning anytime soon because I do not have a Facebook account.

Why is that you ask?

Well I am just not interested. My life is too busy. I do not need to spend time looking at whatever everyone else is doing and feeling like I am missing out or why wasn’t I invited. We have enough stress in our life, why on earth would I put myself in a position to just gossip and snoop around other people’s lives? I suppose WordPress is the most I have got to social media and I feel like people use this more as an inspirational and therapeutic environment than to show off. That being the case, I am totally content without it.

As for the rest of the week…

I sort of did something I really shouldn’t have and I knew at the time that I was making a mistake and I should stop and I didn’t. I don’t know what possessed me to act so foolishly, or why I even had the desire too. I guess when things aren’t allowed for you, you have more of a temptation to do those things. Anyway, I feel dreadful. I, however, made peace with myself a little bit because I had a choice to tell my better half or not, if not, he would have never have found out. But as hard as it was: I told him. He reacted in the best way a person could. Legit. He was sweet, so sweet, didn’t scream or yell, or make this about him. He just acted lovingly to try to understand why I did what I shouldn’t have. I feel dreadful and no amount of apologies can take away what I did. It affects him too, and he’s trying to see why I did it because maybe he is the reason why I did it, but he’s not. He can never be. He is too good to me for that. No, I didn’t cheat on him, I’m not that type of girl, and I overly happy being in a relationship with him, but what I did still affects him. The truth was when I did it I wasn’t thinking that he would be affected, just that maybe he would be disappointed. When I had the conversation to him I realized that being in a relationship means that what you do, good or bad, will no matter what or how somehow will always affect your partner. I should have been smarted than I was, I should have realized. I selfishly did something I wanted to do without thinking of the other person in my life, that makes up my life. My life is no longer MY life to live alone and do as I please, I have someone who will be my Husband in a few short months that I constantly need to put ahead of me and think of before acting foolishly. Maybe all of this was supposed to happen so I can learn this lesson. They do say the best lessons in life come from experiences. I wish it wouldn’t have tho.

I’m disappointed in myself. I am better than that.

Your Editor