What category are you part of?
There is a fine line between a mother and a person. I wonder what it will be like for me. I see mothers all around me and it is easy to tell the angry mother from the selfish mother and the loving warm mother from the cold mother.
A mother is in the position to be every type of person out there. There is a time and place for every emotion, what you decide to use in that situation is what mother you become. I met a family of 10 kids that each one can honestly say they have never heard their mother raise her voice. Shocking, I know. On the other hand I know mothers that scream, that is their way of talking. I know mothers that have absolutely nothing nice to say to their kids. There are mothers who only think about themselves and if they want something they get it because they have the position of a mother.
I am not entering motherhood yet but entering marriage makes your mind automatically think about the next stage in your life. I would like to think that I can figure out how to be a well balanced mother; firm when my children need it, always loving and supportive, caring, strong, patient, happy. The list goes on. I want to be able to come home from a rough day at work and file work away in a cabinet and put a smile on my face. If my kid wants to know why after everything I say, be able to respond without getting annoyed. I know a mother who made a hole in her wall because she punched it so hard as a result of her daughter asking why too many times. I want to show my children how to have the proper respect, fear , and love for us. I do not want to create a home where my children are built out of fear. On the other side, I want them to have the level of fear they need to have in order to properly respect. It is all so complex. I think of it as a sound system that has over a hundred different lines that can be leveled up or down yet somehow they are all supposed to evenly match up but when you try matching them up there are always a few that go too high or too low.
We still need to be humans. Until about a few years ago I never thought of my mother as a person, she was my mother. Only when you reach a certain age do you realize your mother has emotions, needs, desires too. It is hard to have kids that do not realize it. The key is to raise them in a way that they know it. I have not figured out how to do that, yet.
We will need to figure out how to balance us and the children (us being husband and wife). It is no longer just us in the marriage. However, one cannot act as though there is no us. First came you, then your spouse, then your kids. You must care for yourself. Once you are at peace, your husband, and last your kids. Balance is the key word here; one cannot be overly obsessed with taking care of just themselves or just their spouse, the sound levels need to match up with the amount you put into each line.
I hope thinking about this now can help me in the future be a well balanced mother to our children.
Before we even got to the airport we had to call United to check in because they played around with our flights and apparently put the baby on its own confirmation number, which makes no sense because the baby can’t sit by itself. Then they told us over the phone, mind you an hour and half wait, that since it is a basic economy ticket we cannot do anything over the phone and they cannot help us. Which makes no sense- how do you sell a ticket that you can’t help anyone with? Most of us get checked in and the rest of us are waiting. We wait in line for a kiosk and then some worker rudely cuts us off the kiosk and starts restarting the kiosk while we are in middle of using it! She then tells us we need to go to another machine and we can’t use this one anymore, why? No explanation, simply because she felt like it. We then wait on another line to get help and finally a nice worker somehow manages to do her job and actually get us checked in to our flight.
Security lines are next. We head there thinking we got this we can make our flight- nope. The Airport closes it’s TSA security lines at 8:30 pm (PRIME TRAVEL TIME!!). It is almost as if the airport and airlines work together to arrange for every situation to be so that you will miss your flight. They somehow only have one security lane open and nothing else matters. Oh, and now you have to take out your food in a separate bin, your shoes in another, your laptop in another. What is next your socks?! I don’t get it. Nasty, nasty people. There is a difference of doing your job and doing your job with a heart. You see we have five minutes till the gate closes, you see we are a lot of people, you see we are rushing, so you’re going to purposely hold our bin back and let three more people ahead of us? Like can’t you be slightly understanding. We are not blowing up no planes, we’re holding a freakin one month old! Like seriously?! Mind you, every single one of our bags got pulled to the side to be rechecked it was like what on earth was the point of going through the machine if you were going to just pull them all out anyways?????!
I am starting to hate flying. It has become a group of horrible workers doing a horrible job and taking their time. I get it I am fueled by a very very upsetting trip and should not generalize- but it comes to a point where have some common sense. It’s like why can’t they use their brains a bit?
There were some nice people on the plane which was a relief because if there wouldn’t have been, that would have been the last straw for all of us.
How much anxiety does the airport process give you?
Depending who you ask I suppose
It’s funny how life surprises you sometimes. I feel like we’re all living some sort of reality show and each of us (or I should say some of us) are living off each other.
I don’t know what to make of all the mixed emotions and craziness combined with all the positive events, it has just turned into a cat playing with a ball of yarn: I have no clue where the cat is (and that’s me, if none of you guys got that).
I think that is why I like dry, bitter, comedy. Everyone’s life is crazy but they some how make it into a humorous event. I find myself telling over my “reality show” to people in a very similar way.
I don’t want my blog post to be negative so I turn that negativity into humor. I am sure there is a psychological word for it or something.
So here’s an episode of today’s events:
I am laying on the doctors bed or whatever you call those things with my bra off and my sister FaceTimes in, of course my mother is there and answers because why not let my sister and brother in law see my topless? I then listen to then small talk on VERY high volume that I am almost sure everyone in the doctors office heard them. Mind you, the conversation went something like this: how are you? Good, how are you? Where are you? At the Doctor with you sister (camera turns towards me- I completely ignore) what did the doctor say? We didn’t see him yet. Oh, okay, what else? Nothing (shrug of a shoulder) did you take a nap? you’re going to be tired tonight. (Mind you she’s married for a few years now) Nah, I don’t have time to. Okay, well the doctors here so we’ll talk later. Okay, bye.
Now what exactly was the point of that conversation? Anyway, doctor comes in and I am touched with very cold hands. I don’t get it, can’t doctors like warm their hands before they touch your bare skin? Its freezing enough in the office as it is! He then proceeds to tell me an analogy of how my surgery will go: “well you see, it’s like taking a pie of pizza and we’ll just cut off a really small slice and close the pizza back together”…. and there goes pizza for me.
However, don’t you worry because it will only be a slightly deformed pie of pizza.
I am now wondering the psychology behind comparing my nipple to pizza.