It will only take 3 minutes

It’s worth it 😊

Well… maybe add a few more seconds, so three minutes and a little bit. BUT trust me (if you want to) it is worth it!!

So maybe it’s not an incurable cancer, four tumors, and two heart attacks and maybe it’s a surgery, wisdoms teeth, five root canals, and a cast, it doesn’t matter. It matters if you make it matter. If you have the option, which you do, to make something matter than decide to make what actually matters, matter. Make your positive perspective matter. Make your decision to smile, do something for someone less fortunate than you, or even just put on some lipstick and make yourself feel good. It takes little to make us feel a bit more positive, go the extra two steps and make that change.

I feel like I have discussed perspectives in other posts and I think sometimes I make it sound so simple. The truth is: it’s a challenge. It takes a lot of energy to get up when you really don’t want to. However, the boy in the video was able to do it because he had one thing that was crucial: a good support system. We may not all be as lucky to have a good relationship with a mother, father, sibling, but hopefully everyone has that one person in their life they know they can turn to.

If you don’t, it may be a good time to work on finding that person. If you can’t seem to find them, maybe you’re searching too far and they are really in front of your eyes. Maybe you just need to work to build the relationships you have already. That is for you to figure out.

Be honest and true with yourself because it may one day save your life.

Your Editor

Did I ask your opinion?

I think not.

Life, life, life, and more life. Please tell me when do all these decisions end?

1. I am tired of making them

2. I am tired of people making me take their opinion as my own

3. It’s my life so shouldn’t it be my decision?

I have learned many things as a result of being a part of a big family and one of those things is when everyone has an opinion they will most likely consider theirs as the right one and therefore convince you, manipulate you, and do whatever it takes for you to take their opinion as your own.

I have also learned that following those opinions that are not your own will most likely mean you will regret them and the majority of the time it will be too late to change them.

So a note to myself and a note to all of you with bossy siblings or meddling parents: do your best and never not put your foot down when you know what you want. And even if you don’t know what you want but you know what you don’t want, then hold your ground because you will regret it (and that’s not just advice for all of you but me too).

Life has been so super busy that things are finally settling down and I feel as though there is a list of things I need to get done and I have no idea what is on that list.

I will apologize though for the lack of blog post. I really do miss it, so don’t take it as though I have moved on to the next hobby.

I am falling asleep now so hopefully, I will be back tomorrow with more on my exciting life. And for all of you who missed the sarcasm there, take note of it.

Your Editor

Tell me something embarrassing

Promise you won’t laugh?

I have been thinking about this idea for a while and I finally found myself some time to write it all out and actually carry through with it:

Once a week I will have a post labeled “Tell Me Something Embarrassing” where I will write about a time in my life that was awkward, uncomfortable, weird, etc. The point of doing this is to move on in a way. Part of dealing with past experiences and getting over situations that you are embarrassed or ashamed of that happened in the past is to think/talk about them and then play the scenario back but include the things you would do differently. This shows you that 1. if you were put in the situation again your adult self will be able to handle it in a way that doesn’t make you uncomfortable and 2. it helps you get over the situation.

Please do not hesitate to go through this “exercise” of sorts on your own blog, label your post as I did and link it to this post. I find this helped me through situations I was deeply ashamed about and now, though still a bit embarrassed, I am able to talk about it more than I used to. I am not a doctor though, just offering some helpful, creative ways that helped me progress in my life.

For today I would like to share this story:

When I was five years old, kindergarten, I used to finish my homework really fast so my mother to keep me busy would print out sheets herself from other work books and have me do them. One day I walked into class with a pile of homework sheets and gave them out to a few of my friends for homework. It wouldn’t have been awkward if the story ended there… somehow one of the kids actually took it seriously and was struggling with the homework and I guess when his mother asked him about it he said I had given it to him. That led the boys mother to then call my mother and ask for some explanation as to why her daughter was giving out homework. Which then led to my mother rebuking me for doing something like that. It was awkward for me because my mother had to get involved, she was embarrassed and I felt that in the way she told me off and till this day it bothers me that I was so foolish. When I was younger I would block this story from my mind because I couldn’t handle ever finishing thinking about the whole scenario. It bothered me that my friend didn’t understand that he wasn’t supposed to show it to his mother. It bothered me that adults had to be involved. Obviously, I was a kid and didn’t know the difference but if I could go back I definitely would not have handed out work sheets.

Come back for more embarrassing moments of my life sometime next week ☺️

Your Editor

Give me a ring

say what?

When I was in high school I had a corny geography teacher. I say corny because he would make corny jokes all the time. For example, when he met his future wife for the first time he knew it was her and told her he’d give her a ring, she got so scared and he responded “you know, a ring, ring, from the telephone?”

It’s kind of weird how everything happens around the same time. My co-worker was telling me how one of her friends got engaged to this rich guy and she practically designed the whole ring by herself. I have met people who do that, they know exactly what they want and they let their significant other know. However, I am not like that. It is very hard for me to decide what I like. You see, I don’t have the greatest taste (well at least that is what everyone says, I am told I have old lady taste… I guess that means when I am older I will actually be in style;) ), so when it comes down to deciding if that dress looks good or the makeup is too much I tend to second guess myself.

My better half originally told me he wanted me to have nothing to do with the ring and he would design and find something himself and I was SO relieved. It becomes so complicating when you look at rings and then you find something you like and you think that is what you’re getting and then you’re handed your ring and it is something completely different and all your hopes go crashing down… So you see I did not want to feel that way, so I was totally fine with having him decide what, when, where, and how. Turns out though he is a little too nervous that I won’t be happy with something he chooses. The truth is I will be happy with whatever he decides because 1. I have no expectations 2. he will have chosen it all by himself and I find that romantic.

Some people have that type of relationship where they tell the person what type of ring they want and others have one where they don’t. I think it says a lot about the relationship you are in. It shows if there are expectations and the way each partner deals with their expectations not being met. It’s a tricky field to be in and all I will say is that I will love that ring even if it is the last idea on this earth of what I had ever imagined simply because it’s a symbol for everything our relationship stands for.

Your Editor

Defining moments

only you are in control of who you become

We are all humans, even if we try to pretend to not be.

There isn’t one person more perfect than the next. One may have better qualities than another, but to say that someone is better than someone else is false. We are the only ones that can tell us how good we are. We are the only ones that can limit our full potential. Everyone has a history, everyone has some defining moment in their life where if that wouldn’t have happened they would not be where they are today (good place or bad). We decide if we want those moments to define us.

You know when people go through situations such as abuse, rape, and things that someone does to them, we all can agree that we can’t blame the victim. However, there comes a certain point in a victim’s life where they begin acting as the victim, and that is where the victim decides how their life will go. No, you can’t blame a kid for being molested by an adult. Yes, the kid will do certain things in life because they have been messed with, that maybe other kids wouldn’t do. But when that kid becomes of an age where they can decide to play the victim card or stand up for themselves, that is when the real defining moment takes place. It is how they decide to use life experiences.

I would have never become who I am today without going through everything that I did, so in a way I needed those situations to happen to me. In the beginning, and still sometimes now, it’s SO much easier to play the victim card; you don’t have to try so hard to get anything. However, it wasn’t me. Let me explain: someone is born and their life is normal and as they grow up something bad happens in their life and for that time period they are someone who is a victim to something bad, but then that moment ends either ten minutes later or 5 years later, and that someone has a chance to try to be themselves again or someone better than themselves, but continuing to be the victim would mean that they are continuing whatever it is that was done to them. I know it sounds easy to say, and some may think what am I talking about but let me just say that I have been there, done that, and it is no place anyone wants to be.

Most victims don’t realize what was done to them, and in a way it is good and bad. For example, if someone never knew that they were molested they may never understand why they act and react a certain way. However, if that person knew they may be able to control certain scenarios in their life and work on themselves to not let what happened to them control their life. When I finally understood what I went through in life I felt bad for myself, I blamed things that others considered weird on it and didn’t own up to situations that I had full control of. I was letting my abuser control my life further. I was giving everything to him, and in a way, more than what he had actually taken. You see, when someone does something to another person it’s that moment or those years, but what happens after that is in their own hands. Yes, people can say that abused people can’t control themselves, and I agree as well as disagree. Everything that I am aware of I can control and that means so can anyone else. And that also means I can work on everything that I am aware of and that will make the things that I am unaware of either better or come out of hiding. I have it easy, I have someone in my life who knows me and when things don’t seem like myself he helps me realize what I am unaware of. Others may have to spend hours analyzing themselves and their actions to try to figure out what will trigger them and why they react a certain way. I am not saying that I do not do that, I just don’t do it to the extent that others may. However, one thing that I did realize is that I pitied myself and I used that pity to dig myself deeper into the pit I was thrown in. Once I realize I was hurting myself, in a way more than the abuser, I had to stop. It is one thing to have someone mess up your life, it is another thing to continue to ruin your own life. There is always tomorrow. There is always another moment, another chance, to correct, to fix, to grow, to learn, to love. If I stayed where I was consumed by hatred for what had happened to me, consumed by the disgust I felt, I would not be planning my wedding today to a healthy, stable young man.

Don’t let yourself actually become a victim. I know it sounds horrible to say move on but it really is one of the only ways to actually move on. You have to be ready to just put everything all behind you, who cares what happened, who cares why, who cares when. Now is the time to not let it define you, not let it become you. Yes, they did a horrible thing to you but you will do a more horrible thing to yourself by letting what they did actually become you.

Your Editor

 

Look ahead of you

in life you can’t go backwards, but you also can’t let it hold you back

Everyone had a path in life and although we may all be consumed in what others are doing and how far others have come, at the end of the day, we will achieve all that we are meant to.

When I was fighting my addictions there were days where I just couldn’t be strong, I couldn’t hold back and my better half said something to me that I may not have understood the impact it had on me then and there but now I do. He would list me famous people, like the owner of Macy’s, tell me how many times they failed before they actually succeeded. Most of the time I would just shut him up and be like “I know, I know, you have said this a million times,” but now I realize it did sink in me. Sometimes I find myself telling him “you know the owner of Macy’s failed 9 times before he was finally able to open up a store,” and I can’t help but smile to myself. Now it is his turn to shut me up but who knows, maybe one day he’ll look back and realize it motivated him without him realizing 🙂 .

In this world it is hard to realize that the path you, and only you, are on is the right one, is the one that will lead you to being the happiest. No, you can’t see it. No, you can’t understand it. You are right, it makes no sense why you are sitting in a hospital room and everyone around you is healthy and seemingly so happy. It won’t ever make sense. You will most probably never understand why it took you till age 32 to finally get the job you wanted. You will never understand why it is that you can’t seem to be as wealthy as your friends. But what you can understand is the fact that you will never understand, and that in itself will fill the blanks for all the unanswered questions.

There will always be the question of why, the question of what if. Try and focus on what the next step is; putting one foot in front of the other. Most importantly, try and remember that falling down can and will hurt, but getting back up will make it all worth it.

Your Editor

It’s only been a day

….And I am as pissed as can be.

There is something in this world called RESPECT, that some people just do NOT know exist. Respect to them is whatever is convenient for them.

I’m angry and frustrated. Seems like lately my post have been more complaining than actual help or advice, which would make the lack of views understandable.

I am trying to remember why I started blogging, it’s only been roughly 3.5 months and it has become a list on my to do list. I don’t like that. I should want to blog, and I do, if I wasn’t stressed out, upset, had a million other things that take priority to everyone else yet somehow fall on my shoulders. A friend of mine told me that usually it’s hard for people to transition into marriage but I can probably do it blindfolded. Sounds great for my ego, but I don’t want to be burnt out. I have a friend that was in charge of the laundry in her house growing up, till this day (she’s married with 6 kids) she does not touch an article of laundry. She will not do it. She hires a cleaning lady.

That reminds me of another thing: I grew up calling the household help a maid, however, my better half finds it demoralizing (I think that’s the right word?) and insist on calling her a cleaning lady. I find it sweet of him, how he has the utmost respect for people in all positions. He genuinely cares and to tie this into the top of this blog post, he respects people the way they want to be respected. Since no one knows who I am I can say this: he’s told me in confidence that one day when he becomes wealthy he’s going to spend a night on the streets. Don’t ask me where this idea came into his head, I find it completely outrageous and unusual. But for some reason it’s his thing. So is opening a soup kitchen. That dream I can agree with and I’ll gladly join in.

It’s funny because you don’t expect him to have as big of a heart as he does. He rarely smiles to others and exudes tremendous amount of confidence. Most people within five minutes of meeting him have told him he’s going to be very successful one day. I know that if he sets his heart and mind to something it will turn out amazing. My proof is that he set his heart and mind to our relationship and I see it constantly. With the crazy family that I come from, he as never left, and he has been threatened by both my parents. Despite that, the lack of joyous expression and engagement towards him, the way my siblings treat me and other various external situations he still remains here. To take it one step further, I am not the easiest girl to deal with. I have had my fair share of craziness, addictions, abusive boyfriends, yet somehow he has walked beside me and helped me slowly come around in the span of three years to a whole new being, to no more addictions, to no more self-harm, to no more low self-esteem and self-hatred. It takes a lot.

I heard something interesting the other day: there was a discussion on whether or not entering a relationship with someone who has never been in one is a good idea. My initial thought was no, why would it be? But then I took a minute and reminded myself of the old me and the beginning of my new relationship. When someone is in an unhealthy relationship it affects them and carries through to other relationships in their life. When I first started seeing my better half I could not communicate for the life of me, I thought only about his needs, I threw myself at him whenever he asked and even if he didn’t ask I would just completely destroy myself to do anything and everything for him. Obviously, I didn’t realize what I was doing, I was too used to being used and abused to realize it. But my better half did. And he didn’t let me throw myself at him, he gave me a voice and a chance to speak my mind and give an opinion. To express my feelings, to feel like a human. Not being in a relationship ever is, in my eyes, better than being in a bad relationship. If you’re faced with a choice of whom to go out with I would say the person that has never been in a relationship. Yes, it comes with challenges, but at least you don’t have to spend the beginning of your relationship correcting all the damages that the previous person did. It’s a tough position to be in, and sometimes you don’t realize your relationship was poison, you just have to hope that the next one that comes has a big enough heart to treat you right and to help you gain the respect that you deserve.

I don’t know what I have done in my life to have deserved such a person. I am forever grateful.

Your Editor