Being you

who said you need to be perfect?

I have met wayy too many new people in the span of much too short of a time. I can vaguely recall maybe a quarter of the people’s names. One thing I have stuck to is being myself. I find that when placed in many new scenes one can lose themselves trying to hold on to what is around them. It is a scary thought because one can get consumed in it and by the time they look up they are surrounded by unfamiliarity, with no clue how they got there.

I met the people, said hi, smiled, waved, pretended to show interest in details I could not remember two seconds after being said, most of all I stayed true to myself. So when they all stopped dancing and I wanted to dance, I danced despite every eye on me. And when the wannabe girlfriend flanked around my Husband, I felt pity for her but did not detour from standing confidently beside him. And when I wanted to jump in the pool and only the kids were in it- we jumped in together and all the adults secretly wished they had the balls to do it. I am me. I may have looked like a fool to you. I may have worn the wrong outfit in your opinion- but it’s just that- your opinion.

I know it’s not over, being in a new place requires the constant smiles and overly enthusiastic responses, however, I will be true to myself- and trust me- it’s doing you a favor. Say what you want behind my back, I am me and I am proud of me, good or bad, I will try my best to be pleasant, sweet, and nothing but wonderful, you on the other hand, may just not be my cup of tea- but it’s great meeting you 🙂

I sound mean but I mean it from the goodness inside me: I dislike the show everyone puts on for everyone else, I dislike the constant need to sound amazing and always happy, life is serious you know? We don’t all live in mansions covered in heaps of cash with not a worry in the world. It is like driving down a road filled with beautiful houses; you met me once, stopped, said a few words, commented on my looks, and went on to the next. There is more to me than that. Maybe if you actually heard what I had to say instead of nodding until I am done so you can say what you wanted to say next- then maybe I would think you would actually care to meet me. Instead all these people walk by me, stop, say their two cents, leave, catch up with the person a few steps ahead who just did the same thing and discuss what ‘type’ they think I am. I have only heard good things circle back my way about myself but it also just confirms that the cycle of people walking into my life actually is factual. Now if only one would stop, look me in the eyes and care for a genuine response, not just wait to hear the perfectly fabricated response you want me saying.

So if I say something unusual, maybe it is because I am an actual person not just a house standing on a pedestal waiting to be awed at.

Your Editor

 

Being a MRS.

a happy wife is a happy life

There is more to life than a ring, flowers, a big white dress, and one day. Life continues after. Life gets real after. Life becomes life. I know I say this a lot but it is important so I will say it here again: life is what you make it. Life would be easier if you could blame someone else or hold them responsible for your happiness. However, that is not how it works as I am sure many of you bloggers know.

Being married puts this concept into practice. Your spouse is NOT responsible for your happiness. Obviously, doing things to enhance your spirits is always nice but not dependable to your happiness. I say this because married or not, you go through things in life and you are in charge of how you decide to react. Your partner does not become responsible for your perspective. Yes, being married entails realizing your partner’s emotions, cheering them, being there for them, giving, etc, but one thing that continues to remain your responsibility is your reaction.

Marriage comes with a whole list of things to take care of: cleaning, cooking, laundry, I am sure I don’t need to verbalize more. Now all these things can become something hard to do, something bothersome, something painful, or you can put a smile, say you are lucky to have someone in your life to come home to, and get the job done. That, I would say, is step 1: starting your new role positively. Step 2 would be when your spouse does something, how do you react to it? It is not easy. It is easy to become ungrateful, unhappy, and unsatisfied, but doing the opposite will be much more fulfilling.

This may just be a post filled with thoughts not fully completed, but the bits and pieces are worth holding on to. We all know these ideas, concepts, whatever you want to call them, but like I always say, you have to do something with this information or else it will just sit in the front of your mind for a span of 30 seconds until something else more captivating takes over that spot and these thoughts will most likely be forever forgotten. That being said, have a saying hanging on your fridge that reminds you to stay and be positive, to be thankful, grateful, and most of all to smile. My Husband says one line that I will never forget: the hottest curve on your body is your smile. Being happy yourself will most definitely have an effect on your spouse, and if all is normal in your corner of the world, then that effect will be more positive than not.

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I hope my bits of randomness made you think of one more reason to look at life through a smiley pair of shades 🙂

Your Editor

The positive theory

Not so much a theory as a new idea that has yet to be fully developed. But- I sort of had to snap out of being so snappy (pun 🙃) so I took a look at what was making me bonkers:

I found that I was not communicating my emotions as much and instead was keeping things bottled up and I was not very happy. I also noticed that when I did not have a busy or structured day it made me a bit wired and on edge (it also gave me time to concentrate on the negative things). For example, being busy gave me the ability to forget the nervs in my stomach. I did not concentrate on hum much this pill affects my body. However, I did take notice that when I did not let myself think that the pill was in control of me, I gave myself the ability to be in control of the pill, which is just already a start in controlling your life and feeling more focused.

Taking all of the above into my list of fuzes made it much easier to figure out how to stay happy. No more not knowing tomorrow’s schedule or waiting around for people to decide when and what to do. Having things organized keeps my head and body in the same spot and just gives me a sense of direction. That being taken care of I moved on to the next issue: communication. I always struggles with communicating, especially after being in an abusive relationship. Just today I watched a seven year old perfectly communicate over to his mother how something someone told him hurt his feelings and caused him to be upset for a few minutes. He used many things to describe his pain and what caused it and the scenario. I was amazed, one because I could only now do that and I barely come close to that and two because his mother responded with such affection and love that the boy felt secure telling over his feelings and did not feel as though he could not say them. I may have been deprived of that in my life but I certainly see and am learning what it takes to properly communicate how and what I am feeling and to also listen to what someone complaining has to say and to make them feel secure to tell me. It takes a lot of effort and is not very easy but the results are worth it. So part of me being able to communicate better will mean that I better organize my day so that I have time to discuss and actually think about how I feel. This also will allow me to get a decent nights sleep, which I have not been getting but need very badly.

All that being said I hope to try and continue to be in control of my life, feelings, words, and most importantly, actions. I think I finally have my head on straight and can take this on with a smile and love. ☺️

Your Editor

Man plans and God laughs

As most of you know I had scheduled my CPA exam however having surgery, being in recovery, flying across the globe, makes taking the hardest test in the world close to impossible. So I pushed it off. I know, after waiting so long to finally have a chance to take it and I push it off again!

You see the review course I am using is famous, amazing, and one of the top ones out there, but it is just not working for me. I find myself overwhelmed with the amount of work I need to do and I cannot figure out how to manage it all. Our lovely technology solved my problem though: since I have searched CPA exam help so much, I am getting adds on every YouTube video about different CPA programs. So, I clicked one and it really had me interested, so interested that after spending four thousand dollars I went and spent another four hundred dollars for the program.

Yep – call me crazy, but it is well worth it. I now feel like I can actually cover all this insane material without having to spend 12 hours a day studying. I am doing my best, trying my best, working hard and now with this new program I actually feel like I am getting somewhere.

So the CPA saga continues… let us see what comes next- hopefully it is a passing score 😊

Your Editor

The things you do when you are guilt tripped

Don’t you wish you could have stood strong?

I must have said no a dozen times yet I find myself once again doing what I said I wouldn’t do.

Is being guilt tripped really your own problem?

Does it mean you are lacking confidence? Self esteem? Balls?

Does it mean you are a people pleaser?

All I know is I was damn sure I wasn’t going anywhere yet somehow I found myself on a plane… thinking “I can’t believe I am doing this.” What happened in between my hard rock decision and me actually doing the complete opposite? Guilt tripping. It takes talent to put just the right amount of pressure where you’re not coming across as demanding and mean but just enough to bring you over to the dark side. Now, if you are really good at this you know exactly when to stop talking and how to tweak your manipulating speech to your crowd. For someone who does not know how to guilt trip, I find myself being on the receiving end with certain people and it is not fun.

I have confidence, I have self esteem, and I want to have those that are (or should be) important to me, like and respect me. Now, you see when things aren’t done the way they want, feel, think, the guilt tripping starts. That shows two things: 1) they don’t actually respect me for my decisions, and 2) I obviously care too much about how they treat me. However, I am coming to realize that it is a never ending cycle. I can want something, get guilt tripped out of it, internally miserable, everyone shows a few minutes of satisfaction and then moves on, so in the end I am left feeling like I pleased everyone for a total of one minute, the people that actually care about me are now pissed, and I am left cut in two; failing to make myself happy and only given a brief feeling of this guilt trip might have been worth it. Either way I lose, so what is the better route to take?

I have come to a conclusion that many of us know internally and outwardly may express it as well but when push comes to shove, their actions show the complete opposite.

In life you can only strive to make yourself happy. It sounds selfish but the world is filled with selfish people and if one knows that another genuinely doesn’t care about their values they owe no such obligation to compromise on their own happiness to make them happy. At times it may be hard to figure out who really does respect you but over time you are put in situations that help you uncover who is legitimate. The trick here is to not be fooled by the desire of having that person care about you. Often, myself included, we are so focused on wanting that person to care about us that we color the scenarios in our mind to make it feel like they have done nothing but respect us and only after do we realize that we are only fooling ourselves and harming ourselves in the process.

It’s a tricky balance between it all but if one can conquer it and genuinely not care about what others feel about them, they can reach a level of happiness- true happiness.

Your Editor

Life

Who will walk with you?

I haven’t lived that many years but the ones I have, I have learned a lot.

Life is meant to be challenging, that is what makes it, ironically, enjoyable. Without the struggles, life isn’t worth living. Everyone knows it. But feeling it in the moment, is a whole other story.

There are many ways situations in life can go and like everyone knows, it is all a matter of your perspective. Once you have the correct mindset whatever hits you, and I say hits you because life isn’t kind, it will hurt and it will be unexpected, then dealing with it is just a walk in the park.

And what happens if you don’t like to take walks in the park? I would say: too bad because life doesn’t design things that you like.

You will find yourself in many situations that are scary, painful, annoying, difficult. But you will also find yourself in many situations that are happy, fun, loving, pleasurable and other enjoyable moments. Let’s try and remember life isn’t all about the bad or all about the good, it is a balance between that two that makes life special and meaningful.

You may also find yourself looking back at difficult moments and telling yourself that those times were the best things that ever happened to you and made you who you are today. You will say that to yourself when you have the right mindset. The trick is saying it in the moment. Looking back is easy, looking forward is scary, looking at the present is hard, but the only way to live. Many of us are too busy planning, too busy sulking, to busy focusing on everything other than what is right around us causing being in the moment to be close to impossible.

You know this all. We all do. But we all seek to find ways to look everywhere but in front of our feet. So, maybe instead of looking how to feel better with what happened, make a point to try and feel now. Feel what is around you and use a positive mindset to make the current difficulties manageable.

Always remember you may not be in the mood of a walk in the park today but one day you will be, and you will regret all those walks you missed.

Your Editor

Who said it has to make sense?

Well it doesn’t 🙃

It’s interesting how the older you get you understand more about people and sometimes you just wish you could have stayed young forever.

I am referring to characteristics of a person. For example, I notice that one of my friends is more of a last minute kind of person and it shows in everything. Obviously, you’re probably thinking – duh. The older you get, the more you understand, the more you realize, the more things annoy you. But there’s just something really annoying about understanding why people act and do certain things.

I would personally think that when something exciting happens peoples lazy character traits would drop. I am wrong. Once lazy, always lazy. Or how about the person that rushes. Always, always rushing, you’ll notice it in the way they talk.

Okay enough about all this randomness- what I am really trying to get at is: I dislike how when someone who is more of a get it done kind of person gets held up by someone who procrastinates. I guess it makes sense though because everyone is selfish so if it’s not for them, why work crazy hard or do something out of their nature, like, get it done.

I have my lists, I have all my ideas of what and how I want things done. Why does it have to be held up? I wish I can handle it all myself but when it’s not up to me, I don’t have much option.

So moral of this really pressured post, that makes minimal to no sense at all: don’t let the way people are bother you because you can’t change them.

Your Editor