Man plans and God laughs

As most of you know I had scheduled my CPA exam however having surgery, being in recovery, flying across the globe, makes taking the hardest test in the world close to impossible. So I pushed it off. I know, after waiting so long to finally have a chance to take it and I push it off again!

You see the review course I am using is famous, amazing, and one of the top ones out there, but it is just not working for me. I find myself overwhelmed with the amount of work I need to do and I cannot figure out how to manage it all. Our lovely technology solved my problem though: since I have searched CPA exam help so much, I am getting adds on every YouTube video about different CPA programs. So, I clicked one and it really had me interested, so interested that after spending four thousand dollars I went and spent another four hundred dollars for the program.

Yep – call me crazy, but it is well worth it. I now feel like I can actually cover all this insane material without having to spend 12 hours a day studying. I am doing my best, trying my best, working hard and now with this new program I actually feel like I am getting somewhere.

So the CPA saga continues… let us see what comes next- hopefully it is a passing score 😊

Your Editor

What do you say

You just have to do what is best for yourself

Doctors, doctors, and more doctors. I don’t think in all my life I’ve been to so many doctors. Even when I kept collapsing and no one knew why. I am sick yet again. Don’t ask with what or how on earth but I am. And I am failing to remain positive. For that past five months I have been sick 20 out of the 30 days there are in a month. Why? I don’t know. But by now I know That I am allergic to half the antibiotics I have been put on, the strep shot kills. Like hell. Going in it was fine but the after effect had me on the floor, passed out.

Apparently when one has fever you are not supposed to cover them up in blankets to keep them warm because the heat gets trapped around them and causes the fever to stay up. I have gone from freezing to physically sweating in a matter of minutes. And this isn’t even a bad thing, I feel physically pained for those people sick with big diseases. I don’t know how they manage to get up, stay positive, and face another day. I’m being dramatic, I have my moments. But sometimes- when people around me are giving me a hard time- I can’t handle anything and everything is worse off than it is.

It’s pouring here and I just want to go outside and get soaked, sit under the beat of the rain and have my illnesses get washed away.

I’m cancelling my exam, the one I fought so hard to get. I can’t manage it between surgery and not feeling well. My study time is being slept away because I have no energy to get through the material I need to cover. It pains me. But my health comes first. I am not going to try and fight it any more. I possibly could have done it if my family would have respected my study time, and not continuously gave me the role of mother.

Something positive though, because life should never be so negative, my better half has gone above and beyond to make me happy, comfortable, and make sure I am putting myself first. It’s awfully romantic.

I guess that’s just how I have to look at all of this: some good, some bad, and make the good weigh more because it should.

To health 🍾

Your Editor

A robot

Not even a person

As the time gets closer to my CPA exam and the wedding I have barely found any time to write at all. Sadly.

I’m a person of simple means that doesn’t require much to please. However, my simple request have been met with such hostility that I feel foolish and small. All I wanted was a cake at my wedding, but for some strange reason I cannot have one. All I wanted was to be able to be prepared by a certain date but for some reason everyone else’s desires come before mine. Am I not the one getting married here? If you didn’t want to give me the attention to begin with then don’t make a wedding I didn’t ask for. But one thing I didn’t want is giving me the option and then taking away my right to have an opinion. It’s my wedding. I get the say on what dress I want to wear. I shouldn’t be cornered and demanded to wear something I do not want. I shouldn’t have to wait three weeks to buy what I need and then forced to take off from work because you couldn’t manage to find any time during the three weeks I told you I was available. Just like it’s not up to you if I want to have surgery now or later. It’s my life, my body, my time. Or at least that is what I thought.

How wrong we can be. How foolish I am to think people who are supposed to matter will actually care. I thought I was smart. I thought this would make things change. Wrong again. Doesn’t seem like I can ever get it right. I guess it is good that I am going away, far away. With no plans to come back so soon. I doubt I will be summoned. Part of me wishes they’d want me back but the gut inside me knows it’s short term and will not last. It is false. The attention is filled with air and as soon as the outsiders leave the room that beautiful picture pops and I am in rags, emotionally and physically. I don’t know why or what it will take to change these things. They say distance, but I doubt the distance across the globe and back infinity times will ever mend the shattered feelings inside me. This time was it all. I’ve waited and built up to this moment yet somehow I wake up with nightmares that sadly, will come true, of what a beautiful day would have looked like only to be destroyed in every way. No one caring or looking at me. No one realizing the stress, anxiety, happiness, rush of emotions to help me get through it. Me being humiliated because no one thought twice of the person it is all supposed to be about.

I used to say I would do anything to change these feelings, to put in everything I have just to be an equal. I have. Now I know that no matter what I put in I will never get there. Do I succumb to their desires and leave my feelings locked away, to cry in a place all alone surrounded by imaginary beautiful moments that I slowly watch shatter? Or do I not care and dig their fight deeper, show them no respect and continue onwards? Either way I lose. But somehow one way will make everyone else happy. Do I do that? I am not that person. I don’t need to make you happy to be happy. I am happy alone and if you wish to join my happy circle you must have the ability to respect me. Me. Not you. It shouldn’t be too hard yet I am pained watching how many people are failing. I should not even give myself the ability to get hurt anymore, you would think I would be numb by now. Somehow when I became a person again I realized my emotions are what enhanced me and my opinions brought me to life. However, it seems that those around me prefer I be a backdrop in life. Void of emotions, expressions, opinions, feelings, and desires. A robot to follow their every needs. Someone to complete someone else’s picture. Don’t ask them about my own because no one would even know what you are talking about.

Your Editor

Make your own magic

it’s so simple

Photo by Sarah Trummer from Pexels

A very sweet friend of mine gave me this awesome birthday present: The Happy Planner. I think I have spoken about it before but in case that I haven’t, IT IS A MUST BUY! For someone like me, who loves to be organized, keep lists, be focused, and on track, it really puts you in a great mood. I sat today filling it all up and it makes me happy inside. I love being organized and feeling like everything is all settled and taken care of. If you haven’t done so yet, I highly suggest it! (Also, on a side note- great present!) 🙂

You know that feeling you have when the world is spinning around you and you’re trying to hold on to something but every chance you get somehow you end up attached to something else and then when you look back, you have completely forgotten what was just in your face two minutes ago? If you haven’t had that feeling than wow you’re lucky! If you have had it-I get it you’re a busy, busy person!

As I am sure you all know, I am always busy, hence my lack of blog posts. However, I am a firm believer in making time for things that matter to me (don’t ask me why there hasn’t been many blog posts though lol). Anyway, back to what I was saying: life has me hanging upside down at the moment, thankfully for good reasons though. There is one thing though… no I am not complaining… I will need surgery and it just so happens that everything is falling out all within the same two weeks (so please, forgive me in advance for the lack of blog posts). What is it that people say? It’s good to be busy? Yes, agreed, but every so often a chance to sit and hold a warm cup of tea and take a deep breath would be really wonderful.

My better half is in town this weekend and it is so refreshing seeing his clean-shaven face, (that he does specially for me- don’t you love it when they care so much about you that even the smallest of things that make you happy suddenly mean so much more coming from him?) smile, smell, and just hear his laugh. Oh, and the absolute best part is that I can finally put down my phone! I know it sounds odd, but long distance relationships mean always calling/texting/FaceTiming, emailing, everything that involves a screen, and I know that the new generation is all for technology but I won’t lie and tell you I like it. I prefer the silence, no phones buzzing, nothing to rush to, you know, the life you can actually enjoy? Sorry, rambling again.

To be quite honest with you all, I would love to sit here and brag about how wonderful my better half is and tell you all about the things he does for me but that is what the world and social media wants from all of us today. I feel as though blogging isn’t as much as social media in this regard- let me explain: social media has become a place where people plaster their life, things, people they interact with and anything they can get their hands on to show off. Since people are acting this way, followers that are having a low day, moment, period of their life, view these posts, pictures, etc. and get the wrong impression, causing them to be angry, upset, jealous. Take a simple example: say you walk into your home and your partner hadn’t taken out the trash, after you asked him and reminded him numerous times, you will get angry at them, either have a fight with them or something will just be off. Then, you go to your friend’s house and you see their partner taking out the trash… and it all goes downhill and all because of your garbage. Obviously, this was a small example, but as the saying goes, it could be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Now, take my example and fit it into the constant swiping motion our thumbs do the majority of the day, it’s all so close to you, so easy to access that it becomes less of a distraction (what I believe it was intended to be) and more of a blood boiler. Therefore, I will not brag and I will not complain, I will simply say that we all have someone who does things for us in life, you can choose to make those moments the magic between you or you can choose to make it the worlds.

Your Editor

 

The story of my —-

Upside down world

I would say life but then that would defeat the purpose of you ever continuing to read this blog. Also, remaining anonymous would be much harder.

I will simply say: the story of today, or more like the compilation of the past week or two.

Sigh

I was about to start typing and my hands were touching the keys that start with “so basically” and I laughed because everyone starts telling stories like that. Well, I shouldn’t say everyone rather I should say some people do. But this isn’t about that, so please excuse my wandering mind. What is it about? Everything and nothing all at once. I am overwhelmed to the bone. I get it why people take years to plan a wedding but at the same time HOW THE HELL CAN YOU MANAGE IT ALL FOR SO LONG?! Sorry– I’ve been trying to control the OCD part of me and it’s been so-so working. There is just so little time to get everything done in but then again it is taking so long to finally come. On top of it all, some really stupid part of my brain thought it would be smart to take my CPA exam, mind you the hardest one, right before the big day. Don’t ask what got into my brain. And as a result, I am spending my hours studying in between the million and two doctors appointments I suddenly have. Why is it that when you get engaged things just flip upside down? It’s like you are trying to fit into two worlds: dating and marriage. I feel like I have no common ground. I see why married people gravitate towards each other; they understand what it means to be so supper busy but nothing getting accomplished (if that makes any sense at all).

Anyhow, enough complaining. I am truly blessed to have someone in my life. There are plenty people out there less fortunate then me. That being said, I will talk about my day, not complain about it.

And I think that is all I can manage right now.

Your Editor

CPA application update

Ahhh 🎉

I noticed that I did not give you all an update on my very long application process, which led me to take note how people (including myself) are quick to complain and not as quick to share good news.

CPA application original post

I GOT ACCEPTED 🎊

I did a little more than that when I found out…. 🤗

So let me fill you all in:

I waited and waited and waited some more. And by waited I mean was on hold for an hour and 35 minutes. I finally got through to a person and she told me that my application was sitting on someone’s desk with all the paperwork just waiting. For what? Absolutely nothing!

So the very kind lady agreed to put it on the top of the pile. That would mean that I should have a response within the next 24 hours. Wrong I was.

There’s just something about working with government officials that they try and make it as hard as possible to get whatever it is you are asking from them. But if you ask them they will tell you they are just trying to do their job. So about a week or two later, I finally received my acceptance. It came with such relief and stress all at once. Now I actually have to study.

Sure enough I tried to create my NASBA account but the site happened to be down the day I tried.

And then that was finally done and then I got locked out and then the security controls on my laptop were getting in the way and I couldn’t download study materials … don’t ask.

However: I got through it all and I am now studying my brain cells off to try and past the hardest exam in the world.

Yay me ☺️

Your Editor

CPA application process

I am on the verge of giving up.

I have never been through something as annoying as this never-ending process. I applied in January, it is March. Yep, January, February, March, and I’d hate to jinx myself but I am pretty sure April will be on that list soon too.

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I have been studying, but I am the type of person who studies more when she knows there is a test scheduled. I used to be that type where I studied two weeks in advance of everything and was ALWAYS prepared. But after college, and dreaded high school, I just don’t care anymore. I know I should, being that these tests are like the hardest things ever.

Every time I get an email from NASBA I get a bit of hope and then I open it and I just want to die, more papers missing, more transcripts missing, more “your application is incomplete”!!!

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I got one email that got my hopes SO high, it said my application was COMPLETE!!! and then the next morning I woke up to another email saying “you are missing these documents and at this time your application is incomplete.”

Let’s just say when I called their customer service line, I wasn’t too happy. However, since I was caller #45, I had some time to cool off till I got to #1. Half hour later I finally get through to someone and boy, was she in a worse mood than me.

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I would be too if I had to answer every one of the 45 calls ahead of mine.

So here’s a heads up: doesn’t apparently matter what college you graduated from, they want EVERY SINGLE transcript from every place you ever went to, and no, it doesn’t matter that you transferred all your credits over, they want it from the source. Why couldn’t it just say that in the instructions? Also, they don’t supply any email to send your transcripts to, so the first few I did by mail, and that takes time. Call them up before you apply and ask for the email. Legit, ridiculous.

I highly suggest you start the application long before you intend to take the exam so that you can at least have time to get all the crazy amount of paperwork you somehow need in order to just SIT for the exam.

Wish me luck people, I seriously need it.

Your Editor.