The wedding dress

It is hanging by the window so the sunlight reflects through the delicate fabric. When I open my eyes in the morning, I am faces with a beautiful white glow. It is insane that this is what will bring me to womanhood. The fabric is soft between my fingers. The lace intricate and delicate. Soft and beautiful. It is almost as if looking at an angel and knowing that every aspect is beyond words. The pearls that line the back marking the meeting of two bones are evenly spaced. The hand sown lace, the hours of time put into creating such a masterpiece alone, will have you awestruck. It faces me every morning. And every morning I am one day closer to being wrapped in pure innocence. At night it is as though a shadow of my figure hovers over my window, waiting patiently. The vail beside it sways in the air, not having enough wait to simply stay put. It is in a way dancing, almost as if it knows what is coming up.

One night of pure white. One night of holiness and love. One night dressed in elegance far beyond words can describe.

The excitement is here.

The dress is above my window, reflecting the sunlight God created, almost as though God, Himself, is shinning his light on me, giving me His approval.

Your Editor

Stressful me

I am trying to control it

I have been a stressed out mess lately. Snapping left and right, hangry, impatient, rude and not very pleasant. I must admit that it is probably not very comforting for the man I am about to marry, especially since he is getting the brunt of it. There are days I can only manage to calm down by the time we are heading to bed. There are times where he just leaves me alone because he knows space is the only thing that will calm me. It is not his fault I am angry or stressed.

It is just this pill I am on leaves me in knots in my stomach. I feel as though I am running on empty, impatiently waiting something yetI do not know what. Or maybe I do, I am waiting for our day to arrive, to be distracted from this agonizing pain, from running to the bathroom on spur of the moment because I cannot stomach the contents in me any longer. It is difficult to sleep last night because my stomach has released a large amount of nervous causing my body to not stop working even for a nights rest. An interrupted sleep is not fun.

I start every day with the ambition to control my organs and ignore the anxiety bubbling inside me. It lasts quite well, until someone says the slightest thing to throw me off and within seconds I am very annoyed and thrown off the balance I was trying to maintain. It is not many people’s fault, I think as though they may not realize what is going on inside me. There is a lot to get done still and we are just a few weeks away. I know all will be gorgeous and I will care less of the faults overtime but for someone who is a tad bit controlling and likes to get things done, this wait is certainly adding to my craziness.

These days will soon be gone and I will be disappointed in myself for the attitude I had. This time is supposed to be one of excitement and filled with love and I am deterring that. He loves me dearly though, continues to fight to make me smile and see happiness in it all; it is romantic, it is special. It is disappointing that my reaction is out of control. I seem to have lost the ability to keep my mouth shut and sift through the words before letting them out. I now understand snappy mothers: birth control does dreadful things to people.

We’ll manage it somehow, one day, or find something else to work its magic in its place. There is no fun in being angry and stressed all the time, no fun at all.

Your Editor

The story of my —-

Upside down world

I would say life but then that would defeat the purpose of you ever continuing to read this blog. Also, remaining anonymous would be much harder.

I will simply say: the story of today, or more like the compilation of the past week or two.

Sigh

I was about to start typing and my hands were touching the keys that start with “so basically” and I laughed because everyone starts telling stories like that. Well, I shouldn’t say everyone rather I should say some people do. But this isn’t about that, so please excuse my wandering mind. What is it about? Everything and nothing all at once. I am overwhelmed to the bone. I get it why people take years to plan a wedding but at the same time HOW THE HELL CAN YOU MANAGE IT ALL FOR SO LONG?! Sorry– I’ve been trying to control the OCD part of me and it’s been so-so working. There is just so little time to get everything done in but then again it is taking so long to finally come. On top of it all, some really stupid part of my brain thought it would be smart to take my CPA exam, mind you the hardest one, right before the big day. Don’t ask what got into my brain. And as a result, I am spending my hours studying in between the million and two doctors appointments I suddenly have. Why is it that when you get engaged things just flip upside down? It’s like you are trying to fit into two worlds: dating and marriage. I feel like I have no common ground. I see why married people gravitate towards each other; they understand what it means to be so supper busy but nothing getting accomplished (if that makes any sense at all).

Anyhow, enough complaining. I am truly blessed to have someone in my life. There are plenty people out there less fortunate then me. That being said, I will talk about my day, not complain about it.

And I think that is all I can manage right now.

Your Editor

Excitement is in the air

the key is staying happy

You know when something new is happening everyone is so excited? Like, it’s fun planning a wedding (or should be at least), the engagement party, the proposal.

My better half was talking with some of his friends last night and the conversation was about what he will do after the excitement of marriage dies down. Now, can I just say something? Why does the excitement have to ever die down? I was reading a book the other day and it brought up something I found gave me mixed emotions: the priest was telling one of the participants of a divorce support group how he finds it ironic how when he gives marriage classes and everyone is falling asleep but in his divorce classes, everyone is taking notes. I know people don’t get married thinking about getting divorced. Actually, I take that back, now a days people get married while planning their divorce. There are people out there that have hidden bank accounts just waiting for the day they get divorced. But why can’t people just put their all into their marriage. Instead they are splitting themself either in half or 30/70 or some other percentage and not giving their undivided attention to building and being a part of a relationship. It takes a lot of work, effort, time, commitment to have a successful relationship so if you’re so busy splitting your attention between your relationship and the end of your relationship, it will never last.

Image result for gifs of getting divorced

It’s so pathetic.

Image result for gifs of getting divorced

(side note: if you have not watched The Good Wife, you are missing out on an unbelievably, genius TV show- the character in the gif above is one of the actors)

Overhearing my better half’s conversation got me thinking about all of this and also the reason why I started this blog in the first place. The name is Forever Day One for a reason; I want the rest of my life to be as exciting as the first day I started anything I was looking forward too. There is no reason in the world why every morning I shouldn’t wake up with the same enjoyment. I get it, life gets hectic, it’s hard out there. But at the end of the day we are all going through life anyway, why on earth won’t we just make the most out of it?

The answer may be because that would require us to be constantly focusing on the positive. Now, I am not perfect and I have my mean, bitchy days but at the end of it, or throughout the day if I did not try to bring whatever it is I screwed up around back to the happy place it was before, then I have failed to live that day as a gift. We all feel so blessed when we encounter things we don’t generally deserve or things we have worked up to in our life but then we get sick of it. We become that four-year old boy who has been begging his parents for a new truck, finally get it, plays with it for a week, maybe a month, and then forgets about it. Marriage is not like that. You can’t just marry someone, have fun with them, get used to them, and then three months later find a new toy to play with. You have to find ways to make yourself the ‘toy’ no one wants to ever stop playing with.

Which is hard to do. There is always someone who will be more attractive, successful, motivated, wealthier, than you. But as long as you remember why you started out with someone, other people in the world won’t matter. Don’t focus on who is out there, focus on what is in you, how far can you go? If you concentrate on that, I will tell you that you won’t be faced with what will life be like after the excitement of marriage dies down, rather you will be confronted with what excitement will today bring that wasn’t here yesterday? 

It is more than just living every day to the fullest. Like I wrote in My Dream, asking yourself how hard you worked today and not going to sleep until you’ve done all that you can, can be applied to this; how much effort did you put into your relationship today so that it can feel like it felt the first day you met your partner/spouse?

All it takes it the desire to make life beautiful and when any relationship starts out, all they should be focusing on is the beauty, not the divorce papers.

Make every day better than the first day.

Your Editor