The Cafe Lady

who would have thought

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Well what do you know, people sitting next to you really do get a kick out of your telephone conversations! Before I tell you the story I want to tell you another story. I was on the bus the other day and the girl sitting next to me, must have been around 16-19 years old, was writing out a text message of some form. Curious as I was and with nowhere else to look, I casually looked down and a little to the side and had a great view of everything she was typing. “I am supposed to sit at home and wait for my father to pass out then call the police,”… “The deposition just is a bunch of lawyers saying things I can never understand,” my heart broke. Who knows where this girl was headed to, what she had to deal with but just sitting beside her made me want to reach out and comfort her. As young as she was, dealing with who knows what, makes you realize sitting beside people from all ends of the earth is… there is just no words for it.

Today, I had a couple of words of my own, and so did she. We were sitting at a lovely cafe, kids playing, beautiful atmosphere, one of those places that just make you happy. There was a skinny, short curly-haired lady sitting directly across from us. From when we got there till she left we did not have any interaction except one. She mumbled something to herself, picked up the phone, and boy, what a mouth she had! Every other word was a curse word. “I’m Hungry and I can’t F****** leave here because then I will be expected to clean and cook for a F****** grown adult. I can’t handle this it’s breaking my F****** balls. I just want to go home and sit with my S**** and my own food and not have to listen to this F****** shrieking anymore.” It went on for a bit longer than that. My Husband and I took one look at each other, raised our eyebrows, and were very happy when she hung up, though it was quite amusing. She was overheating, most likely because she was hangry, but boy did she want to go home. Five minutes after her cursing fiasco, she gives me a smile and in the nicest voice ever, as if we did not hear her whole list of profanities, asks me to unplug her computer charger. This brought to mind the idea of how a person can treat a total stranger with the utmost respect and a person they actually know with complete and utter disgust.

It is like we have this idea in our mind that we need to be nice to those we do not know and being mean to those we do, is normal. Well, it should not be. Why should we care about what a total stranger thinks of us? They most likely will never see us again. It is a scary thought because you can be so angry at someone you know and the minute you bump into someone not as known a mask falls over your face and you are this brand new human that hasn’t a care in the world. This lady was angry. She was pissed. She was hungry, why couldn’t she express any of that in her tone when she turned to me? Just because one doesn’t know someone doesn’t mean that one cannot express an emotion that is strong. It is like we are all expected to be perfect and because of that everyone has a fear of what people will say and think, so they are quick to hide any sign of imperfection. If only we could have that feeling with the people we are most comfortable with, the world would be a whole lot better of a place. 

Plenty people are divorcing, separating, breaking-up, losing friends and family relationships all because they are too comfortable and forget that those closest to them still deserve respect. It is challenging because when you spend day in and day out with people you grow accustomed to being around them and forget that they still deserve a thank you and just because you are upset about your day doesn’t mean they deserve the lashing for it. It takes a person to constantly work on themselves to continue to make sure their relationships stay new and fresh. If you think back to the first time you met the person you are in a relationship with, most of the time it was a positive scenario and stayed positive until one person in the relationship got too comfortable and stopped thinking about the other person and instead only about themselves. It happens to everyone but being aware of it, makes you one less person part of the ‘people pleasing population.’

Your Editor

My non-existent garden

as of now 🙂

Photo by Janelle Hewines on Unsplash

As I prepared for marriage one thing that came on my list over and over was I wanted to garden. I want a place for me to grow herbs, fruits, vegetables, and I want to be able to eat them. I want one day our kids to enjoy them, to have fun cutting the weeds out, picking a tomato and watching them eat it knowing that it came from home. It brings me a sense of peace. I do not know where to start, how to start, especially living in a place that is more cold than hot, and also because I haven’t a clue to anything about gardening…. I will get there tho.

For now, I dream of what I will start with, what will grow first, and the what recipes I will use with the things I have spent time bringing to life.

Turns out our new neighbors garden. It is quite ironic because the husband gardens and the wife could care less about it. Though, the more we get to know them the more we are realizing that the ‘normal’ role of husband and wife is reverse when it comes to them- but hey, whatever gets the job done, no? 🙂

Back to gardening … there are endless possibilities of where to start and I am sure as soon as these dreadful exams are done I can pick up and attempt to begin something that I imagine to be beautiful, filled with live, fresh, and emotionally rewarding.

Your Editor

What do you want to eat?

and the endless conversation begins…

I apologize for not posting, been a bit of a hectic weekend (when is it not?).

During this weekend I have been thinking a lot about the relationships in my life. My better half spent Valentine’s Day with me and it really was very enjoyable. However, I did screw up a tad bit. So you see, he always likes to do things that make me happy (which is a very noble thing, and romantic- especially this far into our relationship) but sometimes I don’t let him because I get nervous that he isn’t thinking about himself. Well this weekend I discovered I was wrong and that instead of making a big deal about something sweet that he wants to do for me I should say thank you and keep my mouth shut. You would think that would be simple, but for some reason I get a bit all over the place; giving him a million reasons why he shouldn’t do what it is he wants to do, when at the end of the day it is his choice!

Image result for gifs of it's my choice

Another thing I learned this weekend is that couples will forever have the conversation of: where do you want to go for dinner? I wish I could say I am joking but after so many years we still contemplate (and I will admit: sometimes argue) about what we are in the mood to eat and whose job it is to try to come up with a place. For real, deciding on food is such a big deal.

I heard this thing and I attempted to try it on my better half and it was an epic fail. Basically, you’re supposed to tell your partner/spouse to guess where it is you guys are going for dinner and the first thing they guess you’re supposed to say yes too because that is probably where they want to go if they guessed it first. So when our food conversation began I was trying to see if we can, you know, decide on a place after 2 minutes and not 30. I asked him to guess where we were going and he replied: is it milk or meat? and I was like: I don’t know. He was just like “what do you mean you don’t know, you told me to guess?!”

Image result for gif of i don't know

So you see… that didn’t really work out too well. Which was quite annoying because than we had another 30 minute conversation of where we could possibly go.

For the first time today he said he wanted Chinese, and I was like YESS!! We don’t have to have the hour food conversation!!! And then my dad calls and invites us to a BBQ…. and I’m like are you for real? No. We are going to Chinese. I will not let a guilt trip of how we missed a great BBQ get in the way of a 1.5 minute conversation of where we are going for dinner.

And let me tell you this: it was good Chinese.

Your Editor