One who gives kindness

There is a difference between one who gives kindness and one who does kindness. The nature of the word giving is to give of oneself. When someone is in the position of giving with a full heart, their gift can mean a lot. However, when one does kindness they can simply be doing it with no part of themselves. When one gives they are giving a part of oneself. When one does they are not including themselves in their gift.

I have met many people in my life that will continue to do things for others. When ever someone needs them they run to do it but they are missing the right intention. There is a certain feeling that comes along with giving that one does not get when they are just doing.

This applies to every relationship in life. Take it a step further and it applies to random strangers you encounter in the streets. When you have the personality of giving everyone around you can feel that you care about them.

I feel very special to have people in my life who genuinely give to me. It inspires me to give to people in return. Take note of how you make others feel: do you give to them or do you do for them?

Your Editor

The balance between mother and person

What category are you part of?

There is a fine line between a mother and a person. I wonder what it will be like for me. I see mothers all around me and it is easy to tell the angry mother from the selfish mother and the loving warm mother from the cold mother.

A mother is in the position to be every type of person out there. There is a time and place for every emotion, what you decide to use in that situation is what mother you become. I met a family of 10 kids that each one can honestly say they have never heard their mother raise her voice. Shocking, I know. On the other hand I know mothers that scream, that is their way of talking. I know mothers that have absolutely nothing nice to say to their kids. There are mothers who only think about themselves and if they want something they get it because they have the position of a mother.

I am not entering motherhood yet but entering marriage makes your mind automatically think about the next stage in your life. I would like to think that I can figure out how to be a well balanced mother; firm when my children need it, always loving and supportive, caring, strong, patient, happy. The list goes on. I want to be able to come home from a rough day at work and file work away in a cabinet and put a smile on my face. If my kid wants to know why after everything I say, be able to respond without getting annoyed. I know a mother who made a hole in her wall because she punched it so hard as a result of her daughter asking why too many times. I want to show my children how to have the proper respect, fear , and love for us. I do not want to create a home where my children are built out of fear. On the other side, I want them to have the level of fear they need to have in order to properly respect. It is all so complex. I think of it as a sound system that has over a hundred different lines that can be leveled up or down yet somehow they are all supposed to evenly match up but when you try matching them up there are always a few that go too high or too low.

We still need to be humans. Until about a few years ago I never thought of my mother as a person, she was my mother. Only when you reach a certain age do you realize your mother has emotions, needs, desires too. It is hard to have kids that do not realize it. The key is to raise them in a way that they know it. I have not figured out how to do that, yet.

We will need to figure out how to balance us and the children (us being husband and wife). It is no longer just us in the marriage. However, one cannot act as though there is no us. First came you, then your spouse, then your kids. You must care for yourself. Once you are at peace, your husband, and last your kids. Balance is the key word here; one cannot be overly obsessed with taking care of just themselves or just their spouse, the sound levels need to match up with the amount you put into each line.

I hope thinking about this now can help me in the future be a well balanced mother to our children.

Your Editor

Make your own magic

it’s so simple

Photo by Sarah Trummer from Pexels

A very sweet friend of mine gave me this awesome birthday present: The Happy Planner. I think I have spoken about it before but in case that I haven’t, IT IS A MUST BUY! For someone like me, who loves to be organized, keep lists, be focused, and on track, it really puts you in a great mood. I sat today filling it all up and it makes me happy inside. I love being organized and feeling like everything is all settled and taken care of. If you haven’t done so yet, I highly suggest it! (Also, on a side note- great present!) 🙂

You know that feeling you have when the world is spinning around you and you’re trying to hold on to something but every chance you get somehow you end up attached to something else and then when you look back, you have completely forgotten what was just in your face two minutes ago? If you haven’t had that feeling than wow you’re lucky! If you have had it-I get it you’re a busy, busy person!

As I am sure you all know, I am always busy, hence my lack of blog posts. However, I am a firm believer in making time for things that matter to me (don’t ask me why there hasn’t been many blog posts though lol). Anyway, back to what I was saying: life has me hanging upside down at the moment, thankfully for good reasons though. There is one thing though… no I am not complaining… I will need surgery and it just so happens that everything is falling out all within the same two weeks (so please, forgive me in advance for the lack of blog posts). What is it that people say? It’s good to be busy? Yes, agreed, but every so often a chance to sit and hold a warm cup of tea and take a deep breath would be really wonderful.

My better half is in town this weekend and it is so refreshing seeing his clean-shaven face, (that he does specially for me- don’t you love it when they care so much about you that even the smallest of things that make you happy suddenly mean so much more coming from him?) smile, smell, and just hear his laugh. Oh, and the absolute best part is that I can finally put down my phone! I know it sounds odd, but long distance relationships mean always calling/texting/FaceTiming, emailing, everything that involves a screen, and I know that the new generation is all for technology but I won’t lie and tell you I like it. I prefer the silence, no phones buzzing, nothing to rush to, you know, the life you can actually enjoy? Sorry, rambling again.

To be quite honest with you all, I would love to sit here and brag about how wonderful my better half is and tell you all about the things he does for me but that is what the world and social media wants from all of us today. I feel as though blogging isn’t as much as social media in this regard- let me explain: social media has become a place where people plaster their life, things, people they interact with and anything they can get their hands on to show off. Since people are acting this way, followers that are having a low day, moment, period of their life, view these posts, pictures, etc. and get the wrong impression, causing them to be angry, upset, jealous. Take a simple example: say you walk into your home and your partner hadn’t taken out the trash, after you asked him and reminded him numerous times, you will get angry at them, either have a fight with them or something will just be off. Then, you go to your friend’s house and you see their partner taking out the trash… and it all goes downhill and all because of your garbage. Obviously, this was a small example, but as the saying goes, it could be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Now, take my example and fit it into the constant swiping motion our thumbs do the majority of the day, it’s all so close to you, so easy to access that it becomes less of a distraction (what I believe it was intended to be) and more of a blood boiler. Therefore, I will not brag and I will not complain, I will simply say that we all have someone who does things for us in life, you can choose to make those moments the magic between you or you can choose to make it the worlds.

Your Editor

 

Words to live by

your attitude comes first

Hey all 🙂

I finally have a few minutes and I wanted to jot down some thoughts and feelings.

First: when there’s a new person at work: pity them. They legit don’t know how to do anything. It takes some people more time than others to get things right. Also, cut the person who is training them some slack because it is not easy!

Second: for the second time in my whole life I actually felt what it is like to have a normal birthday. You see it is the simple things and that’s all it it takes for one to feel special. For example, a cake, a nice card, or even just remembering. I can’t tell you how many birthdays went by where I simply waiting for someone to remember, there’s just too many! Now, I know some families celebrate and some families don’t. Mine happens to be the one where we celebrate for half of them. But you see it’s not equally half… just not so much mine. I don’t know why or how it came to be this way but unfortunately it is. So my advice to you is even if you’re not the richest, don’t have the time, and are not in the mood it really doesn’t take a long time to make someone feel special. It’s not hard also. No need for big parties or wild presents, simple is special too so long as it is meaningful.

Third: ignorance is bliss. Many people say that and many people are still not blissful. I’d like to take that phrase and twist it a bit to mean that ignoring something that bothers you can give you happiness. Now, this obviously applies in many areas. However, I want you to just take note in one area: your health. That can mean a headache, nausea, cold, etc. Feeling anything less healthy than you usually feel can really drain you emotionally and physically. Many days of my life have gone by focusing on the horrible physical feelings, like the exceptionally painful headaches. Yesterday I actually chose to try and ignore my head pains. I didn’t tell anyone, I didn’t focus on it, I simply refused to give my headache any credit. 1. It made me fee better already because I wasn’t overly obsessing over my headache which usually would make it feel worse 2. I actually had a beautiful day yesterday and having a headache was just not part of it and I wasn’t going to let it get in the way. It’s hard sometimes to let it be and try and focus on other things. But trust me, it’s worth it. I heard an interesting phrase from my grandma (no, I don’t know why I am using so many phrases, must be because I cannot sleep) she used to tell her children that she put her head to rest on the bookshelf. It sounds hilarious but apparently back in her day it was some for of ‘medication,’ I put it in quotes because it’s not actually medication like somehow everything today is. The best medicine for any human being is all in the mind. Everyone knows it yet somehow everyone rather drug them self silly and destroy their organs than actually put their brain to work. Anyhow, back to grandma. She used to suffer from severe migraines and could simply not handle it anymore. Part of the way she got over it was by mentally shutting her brain off and figuratively putting her head on the shelf. Now, I am not doctor and this is all my not so humble opinion but let me just tell you that ignorance in this department is truly a blessing.

And last but not least: have a blessed day 🙂

Which reminds me of how my hair stylist answers the question how are you, simply saying “I am blessed”. Now that attitude can take you far 🙂

Your Editor

Twisted

balance your giving and taking, it’ll make your life a happier place

Life is full of unexpected events.

Today was a good day but it was twisted. I was happy but sad. Enjoying myself but knew deep down I was suffering. It was twisted. I didn’t enjoy it very much but yet there were some moments I thought were precious: that FaceTime call, baking cookies with my little cousin, playing with my little sister, and feeling proud about my fruit tart :).

So why was it so twisted? Let me just tell you this: the world is filled with givers and takers, you can be either or, but very few people are both. When you are surrounded my takers your life can either feel completely empty or somewhat full. Meaning: if I give because I know you will appreciate that I am giving, my life becomes a somewhat full life but if I am giving knowing your taking will never end, my life has just become completely empty.  I give. Unconditionally, except when I am being used dry and then I just cannot take it anymore. You can’t blame me, I am tired of being used. But some people just don’t know their boundaries, you give and they want more, and more, and more, and oh did I mention that they want more? So you see today was a beautiful day because I just let it not get to me: the fact that people are taking everything out of me. It is not as horrible as it sounds when you read it but it is quiet a not so great feeling.

I love to bake so when I was asked my automatic response is: yes. But call me crazy, I was sort of expecting a “thank you,” or anything for that matter? I get it, you needed the cake and you didn’t have time to do it but then shouldn’t it mean so much more to you that I went and did it for you? Call me crazy (don’t worry, you wouldn’t be the first) but I was sort of expecting something.

Now you’re probably thinking well she’s probably not really a giver but a giver that is giving only to take and my reply to that thought is: no. I give without expecting in return. Then why did I expect something here? Well maybe it’s because this person has a tendency to be passive aggressive (Dr. Perry has a good post on the character traits of this type of person), she takes, takes, takes, and makes me very not happy. She doesn’t just take what I give her, she thinks everything is hers and she can take whatever she wants, whenever she wants WITHOUT ASKING! You don’t do that. After saying no soooo many times to her, you would think she would be at least somewhat appreciative when I said yes.

I am learning now, or trying to, to balance a giver and taker, because there is no reason in the world why you can’t be both. Saying thank you is just proper etiquette, not even expectations.

That was just five minutes of my day. The rest of it had some twisted moments but I am focusing on being positive, not with her though, I don’t need to try and convice myself that she’s changed when she probably never will.

Wish me luck, she’ll be here all weekend.

Your Editor