The city life

Ever wonder who the people hustling and bustling in New York city are? You see them rushing back and forth, throngs of people, from every walk of life. I always watched and thought how cool it is to have a life so determined, focused, and on point. Of course, not everyone in the City has that mindset but their hurried footsteps, phone conversations all sound of great importance. Everyone all dressed up, heels, suites; it’s a perfect scene.

Turns out there is a lot going on under ground. No, literally, there are the subways, a million flights down. But it is more than that, I know because I have become one. Every day it is a rush to get to the right stop, hope to find a seat and by hope I mean you have to be really quick or else you will be standing for 45 minutes. It is a constant struggle to give up your seat for someone older because who are you to sit while they tower over you with their cane and all. On the other hand, it is really heavy to carry those fancy purses. So I hustle and bustle like the rest of the pack of people I have been squashed onto a bus with. All that body odor and skin touching takes time to get used to. There are many who’s eyes shut instantly, mine are scanning for the odd ones, making sure I am safe. Some days it takes me an hour some days 40 minutes, I am doing my best but at the mercy of transportation, so are all of us here in the City. You may have thought the life under the famous tourist streets were smooth and peaceful because the streets were very much the opposite, you are mistaken though, the life is a ground of red, blue, green lines mixed all together yet somehow there is a flow.

It just shows how much more there is than meets the eye. The heels, the suites, there is more to it, a lot more.

Your Editor

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If you are going to be anything in life, be nice

it can’t hurt

It is a simple thing to be. There is nothing more to it: just be nice.

I met a very nice lady today, she gave her time to me, genuinely cared about how I looked, and took the time to make me feel good. Not everyone can be nice, but if you have the chance, nice for even a moment, is better than nothing.

My Husband laughs at me because I say “hello” and “good morning” to just about everyone I see. I can tell you that about 85-90% of the people do not respond. Why? I was just being nice and saying hello or wishing you a good day. I don’t get it. Actually, I take that back- I get it to an extent. If I was some creepy person saying hi then I do not blame you for avoiding all eye contact. However, last I checked the mirror, I looked as un-creepy as they get. Yes, everyone has their perception of what creepy is, but some people you can just tell are not out to kidnap you or steal your wallet. Anyways- back to being nice…

It is nice to be nice- if you know what I mean. You get pleasure from being nice to someone else. It is fulfilling in its own sense of the word.

There is  famous saying of “if you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say it,” I am not the greatest at following to it, but there are certainly some very fine people out there who have nothing bad to say about anyone and anything. I am human tho, and plenty of times I will complain about something/someone, or say a not so nice comment. But what I try to do is whenever a nice comment pops in my head I say it. I don’t care if I never met you, if I think your dress is pretty I will openly tell you “nice dress!” Your choice on how to respond- but I will not keep a complement inside. So, I will still have times where I won’t say the nicest thing ever but I have plenty more nice things that come out of my mouth that I say with pride. You never know when a nice compliment can save someone’s day, life, or even make a slight improvement, or even make them laugh because they think you are crazy!

I remember vividly sitting in class one day during a rough patch in my life and just waiting to see how long it would take for someone to just smile my way, say hello, wave, anything. I remember thinking to myself that if only people would look outside themselves for a moment they would realize that there is a world filled with people, and some of those people they can actually make a difference to. It was a lonely time in my life and I think that is why I try so very hard to look for the sad people in the crowd, sometimes it is hard to find them but when you make eye contact, you can see it all. No one should feel like that. No one should wait for someone to smile at them, notice them, we are all humans and deserved to be treated with respect and the simple and easiest way that can be done is by looking at someone and saying “hello”.

Your Editor

 

The Cafe Lady

who would have thought

Well what do you know, people sitting next to you really do get a kick out of your telephone conversations! Before I tell you the story I want to tell you another story. I was on the bus the other day and the girl sitting next to me, must have been around 16-19 years old, was writing out a text message of some form. Curious as I was and with nowhere else to look, I casually looked down and a little to the side and had a great view of everything she was typing. “I am supposed to sit at home and wait for my father to pass out then call the police,”… “The deposition just is a bunch of lawyers saying things I can never understand,” my heart broke. Who knows where this girl was headed to, what she had to deal with but just sitting beside her made me want to reach out and comfort her. As young as she was, dealing with who knows what, makes you realize sitting beside people from all ends of the earth is… there is just no words for it.

Today, I had a couple of words of my own, and so did she. We were sitting at a lovely cafe, kids playing, beautiful atmosphere, one of those places that just make you happy. There was a skinny, short curly-haired lady sitting directly across from us. From when we got there till she left we did not have any interaction except one. She mumbled something to herself, picked up the phone, and boy, what a mouth she had! Every other word was a curse word. “I’m Hungry and I can’t F****** leave here because then I will be expected to clean and cook for a F****** grown adult. I can’t handle this it’s breaking my F****** balls. I just want to go home and sit with my S**** and my own food and not have to listen to this F****** shrieking anymore.” It went on for a bit longer than that. My Husband and I took one look at each other, raised our eyebrows, and were very happy when she hung up, though it was quite amusing. She was overheating, most likely because she was hangry, but boy did she want to go home. Five minutes after her cursing fiasco, she gives me a smile and in the nicest voice ever, as if we did not hear her whole list of profanities, asks me to unplug her computer charger. This brought to mind the idea of how a person can treat a total stranger with the utmost respect and a person they actually know with complete and utter disgust.

It is like we have this idea in our mind that we need to be nice to those we do not know and being mean to those we do, is normal. Well, it should not be. Why should we care about what a total stranger thinks of us? They most likely will never see us again. It is a scary thought because you can be so angry at someone you know and the minute you bump into someone not as known a mask falls over your face and you are this brand new human that hasn’t a care in the world. This lady was angry. She was pissed. She was hungry, why couldn’t she express any of that in her tone when she turned to me? Just because one doesn’t know someone doesn’t mean that one cannot express an emotion that is strong. It is like we are all expected to be perfect and because of that everyone has a fear of what people will say and think, so they are quick to hide any sign of imperfection. If only we could have that feeling with the people we are most comfortable with, the world would be a whole lot better of a place. 

Plenty people are divorcing, separating, breaking-up, losing friends and family relationships all because they are too comfortable and forget that those closest to them still deserve respect. It is challenging because when you spend day in and day out with people you grow accustomed to being around them and forget that they still deserve a thank you and just because you are upset about your day doesn’t mean they deserve the lashing for it. It takes a person to constantly work on themselves to continue to make sure their relationships stay new and fresh. If you think back to the first time you met the person you are in a relationship with, most of the time it was a positive scenario and stayed positive until one person in the relationship got too comfortable and stopped thinking about the other person and instead only about themselves. It happens to everyone but being aware of it, makes you one less person part of the ‘people pleasing population.’

Your Editor

My non-existent garden

as of now 🙂

Photo by Janelle Hewines on Unsplash

As I prepared for marriage one thing that came on my list over and over was I wanted to garden. I want a place for me to grow herbs, fruits, vegetables, and I want to be able to eat them. I want one day our kids to enjoy them, to have fun cutting the weeds out, picking a tomato and watching them eat it knowing that it came from home. It brings me a sense of peace. I do not know where to start, how to start, especially living in a place that is more cold than hot, and also because I haven’t a clue to anything about gardening…. I will get there tho.

For now, I dream of what I will start with, what will grow first, and the what recipes I will use with the things I have spent time bringing to life.

Turns out our new neighbors garden. It is quite ironic because the husband gardens and the wife could care less about it. Though, the more we get to know them the more we are realizing that the ‘normal’ role of husband and wife is reverse when it comes to them- but hey, whatever gets the job done, no? 🙂

Back to gardening … there are endless possibilities of where to start and I am sure as soon as these dreadful exams are done I can pick up and attempt to begin something that I imagine to be beautiful, filled with live, fresh, and emotionally rewarding.

Your Editor

Being a MRS.

a happy wife is a happy life

There is more to life than a ring, flowers, a big white dress, and one day. Life continues after. Life gets real after. Life becomes life. I know I say this a lot but it is important so I will say it here again: life is what you make it. Life would be easier if you could blame someone else or hold them responsible for your happiness. However, that is not how it works as I am sure many of you bloggers know.

Being married puts this concept into practice. Your spouse is NOT responsible for your happiness. Obviously, doing things to enhance your spirits is always nice but not dependable to your happiness. I say this because married or not, you go through things in life and you are in charge of how you decide to react. Your partner does not become responsible for your perspective. Yes, being married entails realizing your partner’s emotions, cheering them, being there for them, giving, etc, but one thing that continues to remain your responsibility is your reaction.

Marriage comes with a whole list of things to take care of: cleaning, cooking, laundry, I am sure I don’t need to verbalize more. Now all these things can become something hard to do, something bothersome, something painful, or you can put a smile, say you are lucky to have someone in your life to come home to, and get the job done. That, I would say, is step 1: starting your new role positively. Step 2 would be when your spouse does something, how do you react to it? It is not easy. It is easy to become ungrateful, unhappy, and unsatisfied, but doing the opposite will be much more fulfilling.

This may just be a post filled with thoughts not fully completed, but the bits and pieces are worth holding on to. We all know these ideas, concepts, whatever you want to call them, but like I always say, you have to do something with this information or else it will just sit in the front of your mind for a span of 30 seconds until something else more captivating takes over that spot and these thoughts will most likely be forever forgotten. That being said, have a saying hanging on your fridge that reminds you to stay and be positive, to be thankful, grateful, and most of all to smile. My Husband says one line that I will never forget: the hottest curve on your body is your smile. Being happy yourself will most definitely have an effect on your spouse, and if all is normal in your corner of the world, then that effect will be more positive than not.

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I hope my bits of randomness made you think of one more reason to look at life through a smiley pair of shades 🙂

Your Editor

Back from seventh heaven

Hey ya’ll!

Boy does time fly. The wedding came and went so fast. I keep looking at pictures trying to make it sink in, that this actually happened, I am actually a MRS! It is a crazy feeling. Also pretty crazy that it has not hit me! It was beautiful. A night filled with smiles, love, family, friends, and a handsome man to go home with. Mind you all, our ride home was ONE OF A KIND! Not the typical limo. My Husband (AHH!) arranged to get the car of my dream, 1960 Bentley! I was shocked! He completely surprised me, and that was the best part. He knew what I wanted and I did not even realize it!! It made the whole night! We danced our hearts out and left holding each other as one.

Everyone has high expectations of the first night. We came back and I was bent over trying not to throw up, it was comforting knowing my Husband (it won’t ever get old saying it ;)) put me first and made sure I got what I needed to feel better.

Marriage is what you make it. Everyone can tell you what it will and won’t be but at the end of the day your attitude is what will get you the furthest. Things get challenging but a smile and a bit of compromising never killed anyone and actually can get you further than you think. With that in mind, today is a brand new day filled with endless giving, devotion, love, and putting each other first. Take a minute and tell your partner you love them. Reflect on why you chose them to be in your life and you will suddenly be filled with a whole lot of love 🙂

Till next time 😘

Your Editor

The positive theory

Not so much a theory as a new idea that has yet to be fully developed. But- I sort of had to snap out of being so snappy (pun 🙃) so I took a look at what was making me bonkers:

I found that I was not communicating my emotions as much and instead was keeping things bottled up and I was not very happy. I also noticed that when I did not have a busy or structured day it made me a bit wired and on edge (it also gave me time to concentrate on the negative things). For example, being busy gave me the ability to forget the nervs in my stomach. I did not concentrate on hum much this pill affects my body. However, I did take notice that when I did not let myself think that the pill was in control of me, I gave myself the ability to be in control of the pill, which is just already a start in controlling your life and feeling more focused.

Taking all of the above into my list of fuzes made it much easier to figure out how to stay happy. No more not knowing tomorrow’s schedule or waiting around for people to decide when and what to do. Having things organized keeps my head and body in the same spot and just gives me a sense of direction. That being taken care of I moved on to the next issue: communication. I always struggles with communicating, especially after being in an abusive relationship. Just today I watched a seven year old perfectly communicate over to his mother how something someone told him hurt his feelings and caused him to be upset for a few minutes. He used many things to describe his pain and what caused it and the scenario. I was amazed, one because I could only now do that and I barely come close to that and two because his mother responded with such affection and love that the boy felt secure telling over his feelings and did not feel as though he could not say them. I may have been deprived of that in my life but I certainly see and am learning what it takes to properly communicate how and what I am feeling and to also listen to what someone complaining has to say and to make them feel secure to tell me. It takes a lot of effort and is not very easy but the results are worth it. So part of me being able to communicate better will mean that I better organize my day so that I have time to discuss and actually think about how I feel. This also will allow me to get a decent nights sleep, which I have not been getting but need very badly.

All that being said I hope to try and continue to be in control of my life, feelings, words, and most importantly, actions. I think I finally have my head on straight and can take this on with a smile and love. ☺️

Your Editor