My Day

really just a brief moment in my head

It may sound a bit crazy but what is life if it isn’t?

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I am a very “list” type of person. I write a million ones all over the place. I know it is February but I just bought my 2018 calendar (which are so important- when you don’t like your calendar, there is a problem). CVS did not have as wide of a selection as I would have liked… but it will do. (Just BTW because I am not SOO obsessed with it, I have not been using it as much- point proven).

My life is currently like that movie Bride Wars with Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway. No, my best friend is not getting married on the same day as me, but some other selfish person decided to reserve the hall the same day I did and now it’s one big mess. The difference is the hall isn’t big enough for two weddings. But that was like the one day where all my million siblings and family members and pregnant ladies finally agreed on. Not to mention everyone’s camp schedules. I don’t know about you but I am pretty sure the day is for the bride and groom and everyone else can go screw themselves. My real question though is: is there a bride out there that isn’t stressed out?

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So now after finally all agreeing on a date, we got to go through the whole process all over again and to be quite honest with you I am very close to just eloping and forgetting the whole thing. I never wanted a big wedding. Now I am starting to want one less and less everyday. But at the end of the day, as much as they say the wedding is for the bride it really is not; it’s for the mother of the bride. So while my mother is popping out her kid and my sister is popping out hers, somewhere in the midst of all that I will become a Mrs.

I told my parents to just let me know what day I am getting married. Yep, read that again, still sounds just as crazy as when I typed it out.

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As if it wasn’t enough, my Pilate’s teacher decided to quit. My one escape from life is now officially over the first week of March, and trust me that is coming up sooner than I want it to.

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Despite all the negativism, my better half seems to be handling this, or I really should say me, pretty well. He introduced me to beef jerky the other day. Yes, I know you’re probably thinking “what?! You never had beef jerky?!” Yes, I never had beef jerky. But I will tell you that I found it to be really good and what is even better: I am getting a package in the mail from my better half himself.

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And now everything seems to be that much more manageable.

Good luck with your day,

Your Editor

Is it a problem when…

he calls me mommy sometimes

Your little brother is with your mother and asks for you instead? I don’t know whether to feel overly good about myself or how bad I screwed myself over with this one or how hard it’ll be for this kid when I move out.

It will be an adjustment for the both of us I can tell you that. He’s practically my child!

I’m holding him in bed now, he’s got fever and a runny noise and half of me is like I do not want to catch whatever he has and the other half of me is feeling so horrible for him. He’s just so not himself.

The other day he heard me talking to my better half and I responded to something funny by saying “oh gosh, hunny”. The next thing I know I hear my little brother say “oh gosh, hunny” and it makes me want to just eat him up.

What a mother does for her kids.

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Once a mother always a mother. Does it count if you don’t actually give birth to them? I think so. After all there are people who cannot have kids and adopt. I suppose any person who experiences that sort of pull for their kids; to put them first, to give, to love, even when they are annoying as hell.

With all that said, I know it may sound a bit weird, but he does feel like my child. So, I am sure it is a bit of a problem when he calls  me Mommy instead of his actual mother, but he gets it right sometimes :).

 

Valentine’s Day

it’s more than just a date

Do you celebrate it?

There was conversation about it at work the other day; how it is a girls holiday and they don’t need to get their boyfriends/husbands anything. It made me think about lesbian relationships… does that mean one of them doesn’t get a present because they play the boyfriend/husband figure in the relationship? It also made me think how selfish that is to think that you deserve a present, for what? Wikipedia has a page on Valentine’s Day where is writes:

Valentine’s Day is recognized as a significant cultural, religious, and commercial celebration of romance in many regions around the world, although it is not a public holiday in any country.

That being said, Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate romance. It doesn’t say who, what, where, and how, it just says romance. Therefore, if you are in a romantic relationship, you have an opportunity to celebrate it. That is a decision you make. What person wouldn’t want to celebrate it though? It is a day where you have another chance to express to your partner/spouse how you value them. That doesn’t require you to have to buy expensive gifts, just requires you to do something so that you show your partner/spouse that you appreciate them.

A friend brought up how she dislikes Valentine’s Day because if her boyfriend/husband needs a day to remind him how much he loves her then she doesn’t want to be a part of that relationship. I see where she is coming from.

I feel like everyone is writing about Valentine’s Day and for those of you that aren’t such a big fan of the day altogether, I’m sure it’s not too fun. So, I’d like to just take a minute and talk about romance. The day is after all a celebration of romance. So enough about who celebrates what and why, here’s a bit of romance.

What is romance? What people feel at the beginning of a relationship is romance: the emotions, the light-headedness, the butterflies.

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There is a sense of newness and freshness that people generally have in the beginning of a relationship. I know the day is over (I was supposed to have this post done on Valentine’s Day) but there is still time to take your spouse/partner out and show a little romance. I say romance and not love because you have love if you’re in a relationship for some time now. Do something special that brings those butterflies back.

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Don’t say you love me a million times, do something that shows your spouse/partner that you they are exciting to you, that just because you’ve been together for so many years/months you still feel like the day where your relationship started.

We don’t need a day to tell us to love someone we already love, we need a day to remind us to go back to the romance, to bring it back into our lives.

Make every day like the first and you will never look elsewhere because you have it all.

Your Editor

OXOXO

give me love the way I need it

I say that, you say XOXO.

Who cares?

You do. But guess what? Now every time I say it I make sure to say it my way because I know it gets to you.

I’m smiling. You would be too.

It is times like these, moments like these, words like these, that just make us, US. 

Have your own language, find things that make both of you smile and laugh.  I watched this movie where the ‘thing’ they had together was she wanted a kiss on the nose from him.  So when they argued she would just tap her nose and she’d make him kiss her again and again until it felt just as it would when they weren’t fighting.  It is like having those words that you just can’t say them angrily: bubbles, giggles. Try yelling bubbles, see how far you get without hearing how ridiculous you sound.

There is a book that talks about the 5 love languages that people have and can I just ask why there can’t just be one?!! The book is a very good book but still—– it is hard to have different love languages.  I guess that is how you know when you really love someone; you really got to go out of your comfort zone and do what makes them happy. If you have any friends that are getting married or even in relationships, it is a great present.

But back to what I was saying… I think everyone should know what language they speak, this way if they feel like they are not getting what they need from their partner they could see if maybe their partner isn’t speaking the language they need to hear.

How do you discover that?

I’ll tell you how I did. I realized that my better half and I needed different things when we possessed any sort of emotion. For example, if he did something sweet for me I would show a bunch of different facial expressions in the moment, freak out, hug him, thank him and love whatever it is he did for me. However, he didn’t feel like I cared for it much because I didn’t express to him in words at the moment, later on in the day, or even a week later that I had very much valued what he did for me.  At first this was hard to get used to because 1. I never used to express how I was feeling, I just never knew how to put my words into feelings, 2. you have to really know a lot of different adjectives to not sound like a parrot. Now though, I am an almost expert at it; I can tell you how much I appreciated what you did for me in so many different words.  It takes a lot of practice. A lot of time. A lot of conversations trying to figure out what it is that would make him or me feel loved. I’d same my love language is easier than his but that is just because I am not used to verbally expressing how I feel. I am very physical. I like to be hugged, kissed, cuddled, brought something sweet, or anything of that nature. Pour me a cup of water and it will make me feel good inside.

Anyway, after I searched the words “OXOXO,” I realized he’s right and it is “XOXO.” But what if I want to give you a hug first and then a kiss?

I guess that’s just my love language.

Your Editor

 

I miss you

come home already

I guess it is a good thing when you still can miss someone so much after so long (pun intended). There are just so many moments that go by where I just look around as if searching for him, to catch his eye, to share an acknowledging look with.  I don’t ever want to know what it feels like to not be able to meet your eyes.

Life apart teaches you how much you should value life together. Even the moments where you argue, it is all a thousand percent worth it.  But can I just say that I miss you? I miss seeing your face in the morning and when I try and FaceTime you seems like poor connection always gets the better of us.  It is like the distance isn’t far enough that the missed calls, the ‘failed to send’ messages, and the horrible Wifi just needs to add more space between us.  In a way it makes finally seeing you so enjoyable.  But in another way, waiting is pure torture.  I have found distracting myself to be of some assistance but it doesn’t last long. What does help is thinking of you and finding creative ways to make you smile, even if it is from a million miles away.  It is finding the quotes that say: I miss you as much as a bitch misses the point. The things that make me laugh because I know you will laugh too. Our love is strong and that is what fuels us, but what satiates my missing pains?

Looking at old pictures, moments, special letters is so bittersweet; you never know if you should smile or cry. Not letting it get the best of you is so damn hard. You suddenly notice that couple sitting on the far right corner of the bus and that is all you can see. That is all that your world is made up of. Then you take a deep breath and try and distract yourself only to find your eyes somehow keep going back to that couple on the far right corner of the bus.

Marry me?

Your Editor

Your first love example

what is love?

No matter who you are in the world your first view on love is your parents. Your parents to each other, your parents to you, your parents to your siblings, your parents to their relatives and so on. Your parents have a big affect on how you perceive love.

And then comes your own relationships: with your friends, with friends of the opposite gender, and with other people you encounter in your life.

However, love in all these relationships is different. If you have a great relationship with your parents, their love life will have an impact on you.  As you get into your teenage years, getting along with your parents just never works out (or at least for most people), and that is where the relationships you have with others comes into play.

I grew up hearing my parents love story every weekend at the dinner table, to whatever new guest we were having that week.  It was an exciting story: they had a moment, and then two years later, on their very first date, my dad got down on one knee and asked my mother to marry him.  Now, it wasn’t religion that caused him to propose so fast, it was simply because he knew she was the one: so why the hell wait? Everyone loved their story, including, and especially me. I am a lot like my mother and I grew up hearing her say it a lot, so I knew I was going to have the same love story as she did.

When the first boy came along, I convinced myself so much that he was the one, I didn’t even allow myself to think about all the obvious signs of why this was such a bad idea.  Five horrible, long distant years later and I have come out with such a contorted view on relationships, happiness, and especially love.

Having such a high, beautiful experience of love ingrained in you distorts your view on love as it means to you.  The love of others can never be for you.  You need to learn to find love the way you need it, not the way others found it.  It is definitely hard to distinguish the two when you are so young, and it only becomes so much more complicated when you actually have an opinion and self-worth.

My one and only has taught me my first love example, not my parents love example, not a book or movie love example, but an example for myself, one that is only mine.

Who has given you yours?

Your Editor