What a week!

and to think it’s only Wednesday…

I won’t start this off apologizing for not writing in almost a week because it was not like I had a minute. Between traveling and getting ready for the holidays and dealing with family, there has been absolutely no time. I have been going to sleep so late that I wake up in the morning dreading getting up. Some days I can’t seem to get out of bed till 9:25 and that’s only because I have to be at work at 9:30. Thankfully, I live five minutes away. However, with my other siblings in town there has been a shortage of cars so I am dependent on someone driving me to work and let me just tell you that they are never around when you need them. Most days this week I didn’t make it in before 10. As if this all wasn’t enough… I somehow got some breast infection. When I say it’s painful, it’s painful. I generally have a high tolerance for pain but oh my God my boob kills. They have been hurting for a while so I ignored it. But when I felt some sort of ball on it, I freaked out. Good that I freaked out because when I walked into the doctor’s office she asked me why I waited so long to come in! Hopefully the antibiotics help and I don’t need any surgery of some sorts. Please God.

Can I just say something though? If my mother hadn’t raised me so ashamed of my body sexually or made me feel like a gross person every time I discussed something to do with my body, I probably would have told her sooner and wouldn’t have been so stressed out. However, since my mother has made me feel like a complete disgusting person when I discuss such things, I refrain from telling her till the last possible second. This time I was lucky though, I didn’t get any nasty remarks just: “what now?” I preferred that. I don’t think im afraid, right now i just want to cry a bit to release some stress, sadly, I barely have the time for that. I am hoping the Tylenol kicks in until the antibiotics are ready because I don’t know how much longer I can handle this.

Things are really hectic here and they are just going to get even more hectic. I just hope that I can somehow find time to type my feelings and thoughts, because I really need it.

Your Editor

Balancing

learn to balance your need for protecting your child with their ability to grow into adults

I don’t know what it is about some parents but at some point they need to learn to cut the cord. You would think that once was a sign at childbirth but no. Maybe I don’t get it because I am not a parent but seriously?!

I get that you want to protect your kids and never want them to get harmed or lose their innocence, but sometimes, keeping them tied to your hip is more harmful than not.

Take a married child for example: they should not be at their parents home more than their own home. It affects their relationship with their spouse.

Some men are ‘mama’s boys’ and they are always crawling back home. This becomes a challenge for their partner/spouse because where do they fit in? I know someone who turns to their parents before their spouse. They view their spouse as…. nothing, to be honest with you I don’t even know how they got married. The spouse has no credibility, they both don’t listen to each other, and they barely spend time together. You may think I am talking about someone who has been married for 10 maybe 15 years…

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They have been married for almost two years. It wasn’t like they spent time dating either or knew each other for five years before they got married. Sadly, it looks like it. Now, I can’t say it’s all their fault, the in-laws aren’t much help either. Once your child is married you don’t get involved in the decisions they make as a couple. If they ask for advice, you can give them your opinion, but that is it!

I may look back on this post when I have my own kids one day and laugh at how crazy I sounded but I really do believe, right now that is, that there is only so much, and so long, that you can control your children.

On the flip side, the younger generations are of a different breed and they are primarily focused on their over-inflated egos, so if their parents are from a bit back, raising them and controlling them becomes a challenge.

Every kid needs a different level of control in order to help them grow into responsible adults. You can’t simply decide that because you can’t control what your child wants, and all they think about is themselves that you will just leave them alone to fend for themselves. No. Put your foot down, make them pay for their car, gas, and other desires that you do not agree with them having. Until they can meet you halfway, meaning say you have certain expectations of your child (which all parents should have because that is what will force your child to think outside their four feet) and your child has not met any of them, and I’m not talking about those parents who expect their child to do everything that when they were a kid, were unable to, I am talking about expecting your child to do their homework, help out in the house, wake up at a reasonable time etc., if your child can not do the bare minimum of your expectations, then don’t meet the bare minimum of their expectations. Depending on what home environment you come from or are building, their expectations will be different. If you have money, the child may expect that they are entitled to certain things, taking away those things will make them stop with the me, me, me, and actually think further than that moment of instant pleasure.

It is sad because it will take these kids late into their life, when possibly their parents are no longer around, to realize “wow, this attitude on life is completely self-absorbed and foolish.”

It is never too late, however, the time wasted can never be brought back. Control each kid the way they need it, in order to make them the best person they can be, not because you can’t bear to see your little baby grow up, you’re ruining them more than building them.

Your Editor

I need some advice

just a daughter craving her mother’s attention

I don’t know what to do. For all of you that are parents, maybe you can help out with this one. If you have a child that reminds you exactly of yourself when you were younger, do you find that you don’t have as good of a relationship with that child?

I guess if you didn’t like the way you grew up and the decisions you made as a kid that would reflect on your liking of your child (especially, if they are doing the same things you did, that you most probably regret).

What happens if you’re the child in this situation? Do you keep trying to have a relationship with that parent?

To be honest: I am tired of trying. I know I’m too young for that, but I guess it is part of being part of the younger generation. Your relationship with your parents is VERY important and I feel like I didn’t get a fair chance just because I am a lot like her. It is true though, I wasn’t the best kid from the age of 12 till 18 BUT before that, I was their best child, did everything for them, gave unconditionally, endlessly, smiled, laughed and then life hit me hard. So… now what?

I have tried everything; being nice, starting conversation, going out of my way, controlling my responses and facial expressions, and a whole lot of other things. It’s not so simple anymore. Often, I feel as though I am willing to try and make things work but then she’s not and then when she is willing to try, I am not. It is like a seesaw.

How on earth are we ever going to be on the same level?

The only way for the seesaw to be even is if everyone gets off of it, how do we disconnect from each other enough to give us even ground to start fresh on? I guess moving out would help change things up a bit. It isn’t very comforting though because it shouldn’t have to be this way. Especially when I see everyone else around me succeeding at it. But I suppose it could be worse, I could not know at all why she felt this way.

We all are given a lot in life and how our life will turn out is dependent on what we do with that lot.

This is mine and though at times I wish it wasn’t, I am happier that it is this than something else because there are a lot worse things that people have to go through than this. I am very blessed, even if I don’t always see it so long as I try to find it I will find some sort of comfort.

But if anyone has ideas… I am open to hearing anything at this point 🙂

Your Editor

 

Is it a problem when…

he calls me mommy sometimes

Your little brother is with your mother and asks for you instead? I don’t know whether to feel overly good about myself or how bad I screwed myself over with this one or how hard it’ll be for this kid when I move out.

It will be an adjustment for the both of us I can tell you that. He’s practically my child!

I’m holding him in bed now, he’s got fever and a runny noise and half of me is like I do not want to catch whatever he has and the other half of me is feeling so horrible for him. He’s just so not himself.

The other day he heard me talking to my better half and I responded to something funny by saying “oh gosh, hunny”. The next thing I know I hear my little brother say “oh gosh, hunny” and it makes me want to just eat him up.

What a mother does for her kids.

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Once a mother always a mother. Does it count if you don’t actually give birth to them? I think so. After all there are people who cannot have kids and adopt. I suppose any person who experiences that sort of pull for their kids; to put them first, to give, to love, even when they are annoying as hell.

With all that said, I know it may sound a bit weird, but he does feel like my child. So, I am sure it is a bit of a problem when he calls  me Mommy instead of his actual mother, but he gets it right sometimes :).