It will only take 3 minutes

It’s worth it 😊

Well… maybe add a few more seconds, so three minutes and a little bit. BUT trust me (if you want to) it is worth it!!

So maybe it’s not an incurable cancer, four tumors, and two heart attacks and maybe it’s a surgery, wisdoms teeth, five root canals, and a cast, it doesn’t matter. It matters if you make it matter. If you have the option, which you do, to make something matter than decide to make what actually matters, matter. Make your positive perspective matter. Make your decision to smile, do something for someone less fortunate than you, or even just put on some lipstick and make yourself feel good. It takes little to make us feel a bit more positive, go the extra two steps and make that change.

I feel like I have discussed perspectives in other posts and I think sometimes I make it sound so simple. The truth is: it’s a challenge. It takes a lot of energy to get up when you really don’t want to. However, the boy in the video was able to do it because he had one thing that was crucial: a good support system. We may not all be as lucky to have a good relationship with a mother, father, sibling, but hopefully everyone has that one person in their life they know they can turn to.

If you don’t, it may be a good time to work on finding that person. If you can’t seem to find them, maybe you’re searching too far and they are really in front of your eyes. Maybe you just need to work to build the relationships you have already. That is for you to figure out.

Be honest and true with yourself because it may one day save your life.

Your Editor

A letter I wish I can send

you know who you are

Dear very unlucky girl,

I heard you are engaged to my leftovers and I really, really feel bad for you. Not just for you, but for any possible offsprings you may have, my suggestion: don’t have them, at least not with that guy.

I don’t think I need to tell you how crazy he is. I think you already know. It’s sad though because you know it, I know it, your parents and most of the friends that actually care about you, know it. You don’t know me but I care about you. Because I would never want anyone to be in my situation. You may think this is what you deserve, but trust me, you can do better, and you will get better if you just actually gave it a try. With him, it’s impossible to cut the umbilical cord but it is more than necessary. I wish there was someone who can walk you through it. You may think I am crazy, and you most likely disagree with me but if you give yourself just a moment of thought without him you will realize how right I am. How right your mother is for hating him. How right all your friends are when they gave you the nervous look when you mentioned going out with him. Don’t you remember how happy everyone was when you finally broke up with him? We weren’t all putting on a show, we meant what we said, he is crazy. He may be a genius, but he is cruel and heartless. He is selfish, manipulative, uncaring, and rude. He will act as if he loves you now but behind closed doors, he is watching porn and drinking. Soon enough those doors will fall away and you will be living with this monster. You’ll wonder what it is you have done to make him this way but what you will fail to realize, because he has cleverly organized it this way, is that he has been doing this since day one. You’ll confront him, beg him to change, and don’t you worry, he will promise you the moon. But it won’t last, turn your back once and you will have him back at where he was. You won’t trust him to pee with the door shut. Is that the life you want? And what happens when you’re expecting? Suddenly the day you’re in labor he’ll be sober? I doubt it.

Maybe this is the route you want to go, in which case I don’t know what or how to say anything to you because why would you want to do that to yourself? For money? Yes, he’s got millions, but he’s not even half a person. He’s drunk or angry. The world is his but what happens when he finds out it’s not? Do you really think that will go down easily?

He’ll use your body for his pleasures. Make you go in all uncomfortable positions. Make you feel anything but human, dirty, violated. And then he’ll ask for it again. And again. And again. Try saying no and he’ll manipulate you to make yourself believe you want to do it. Before you know it you will lose all of who and what you are. You will have become this unrecognizable, barely human, that is constantly sacrificing of the little that remains a part of you. I don’t know why, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to do this to themselves. I know, however, that you probably don’t realize it. Just like I didn’t. You make yourself believe that the one gift he’s given to you, the one sweet thing he’s said, means a million more than anything else in the world. You’ll convince yourself so much, you will come to believe he does so many things for you. But when you actually look at the facts you will see you have created this imaginative character that is so far from the person in front of you, you will start to believe you are going mad. You will become obsessed with certain things, angry at everyone around you, and completely unpleasant. You will have no self worth because you have allowed him to destroy every part of you.

I wish you can realize this. I wish when I told you to run, you ran. I thought you were through and when I heard you came back crawling a part of my heart tore for you. Because you shouldn’t have to go through what I went through. I thought having him date us both at the same time would have you realize who you were getting into bed with. I thought you seeing how crazy and torn I became from him would be obvious signs for you. I am only sorry that I can’t save you. I have seen myself that only you can save yourself from such evil grasps. No matter what I will say or anyone else will say, it’s only in your hands to realize the monster beside you claiming to be your husband, best friend, and partner is truly the one thing that will destroy you, possibly murder you. I pray you will have a good support system that can save you from the harm he will cause you because it is inevitable. People will call you crazy and send you for help, they will not understand that it is really him and not you. You may end up in a home for crazy people because you will become a harm to yourself but no one will realize it is not you who has made yourself want to hurt yourself but the monster controlling you with words that sound loving but are filled with poison.

I wish I can save you from those hands. I wish I can lock him away and keep the world safe from such horrible things. I wish I was lying, I wish none of this were true and there are many who don’t believe me but that is only because they are too close to see. They have failed to step outside, to distance themselves in order to understand. I however, have removed myself entirely and although it has taken a good few years I can look back and try and warn you of the dangers you are putting your life to.

I know you don’t know me, but trust me he is everything far from the human he claims to be.

Your Editor

Give me a ring

say what?

When I was in high school I had a corny geography teacher. I say corny because he would make corny jokes all the time. For example, when he met his future wife for the first time he knew it was her and told her he’d give her a ring, she got so scared and he responded “you know, a ring, ring, from the telephone?”

It’s kind of weird how everything happens around the same time. My co-worker was telling me how one of her friends got engaged to this rich guy and she practically designed the whole ring by herself. I have met people who do that, they know exactly what they want and they let their significant other know. However, I am not like that. It is very hard for me to decide what I like. You see, I don’t have the greatest taste (well at least that is what everyone says, I am told I have old lady taste… I guess that means when I am older I will actually be in style;) ), so when it comes down to deciding if that dress looks good or the makeup is too much I tend to second guess myself.

My better half originally told me he wanted me to have nothing to do with the ring and he would design and find something himself and I was SO relieved. It becomes so complicating when you look at rings and then you find something you like and you think that is what you’re getting and then you’re handed your ring and it is something completely different and all your hopes go crashing down… So you see I did not want to feel that way, so I was totally fine with having him decide what, when, where, and how. Turns out though he is a little too nervous that I won’t be happy with something he chooses. The truth is I will be happy with whatever he decides because 1. I have no expectations 2. he will have chosen it all by himself and I find that romantic.

Some people have that type of relationship where they tell the person what type of ring they want and others have one where they don’t. I think it says a lot about the relationship you are in. It shows if there are expectations and the way each partner deals with their expectations not being met. It’s a tricky field to be in and all I will say is that I will love that ring even if it is the last idea on this earth of what I had ever imagined simply because it’s a symbol for everything our relationship stands for.

Your Editor

It’s only been a day

….And I am as pissed as can be.

There is something in this world called RESPECT, that some people just do NOT know exist. Respect to them is whatever is convenient for them.

I’m angry and frustrated. Seems like lately my post have been more complaining than actual help or advice, which would make the lack of views understandable.

I am trying to remember why I started blogging, it’s only been roughly 3.5 months and it has become a list on my to do list. I don’t like that. I should want to blog, and I do, if I wasn’t stressed out, upset, had a million other things that take priority to everyone else yet somehow fall on my shoulders. A friend of mine told me that usually it’s hard for people to transition into marriage but I can probably do it blindfolded. Sounds great for my ego, but I don’t want to be burnt out. I have a friend that was in charge of the laundry in her house growing up, till this day (she’s married with 6 kids) she does not touch an article of laundry. She will not do it. She hires a cleaning lady.

That reminds me of another thing: I grew up calling the household help a maid, however, my better half finds it demoralizing (I think that’s the right word?) and insist on calling her a cleaning lady. I find it sweet of him, how he has the utmost respect for people in all positions. He genuinely cares and to tie this into the top of this blog post, he respects people the way they want to be respected. Since no one knows who I am I can say this: he’s told me in confidence that one day when he becomes wealthy he’s going to spend a night on the streets. Don’t ask me where this idea came into his head, I find it completely outrageous and unusual. But for some reason it’s his thing. So is opening a soup kitchen. That dream I can agree with and I’ll gladly join in.

It’s funny because you don’t expect him to have as big of a heart as he does. He rarely smiles to others and exudes tremendous amount of confidence. Most people within five minutes of meeting him have told him he’s going to be very successful one day. I know that if he sets his heart and mind to something it will turn out amazing. My proof is that he set his heart and mind to our relationship and I see it constantly. With the crazy family that I come from, he as never left, and he has been threatened by both my parents. Despite that, the lack of joyous expression and engagement towards him, the way my siblings treat me and other various external situations he still remains here. To take it one step further, I am not the easiest girl to deal with. I have had my fair share of craziness, addictions, abusive boyfriends, yet somehow he has walked beside me and helped me slowly come around in the span of three years to a whole new being, to no more addictions, to no more self-harm, to no more low self-esteem and self-hatred. It takes a lot.

I heard something interesting the other day: there was a discussion on whether or not entering a relationship with someone who has never been in one is a good idea. My initial thought was no, why would it be? But then I took a minute and reminded myself of the old me and the beginning of my new relationship. When someone is in an unhealthy relationship it affects them and carries through to other relationships in their life. When I first started seeing my better half I could not communicate for the life of me, I thought only about his needs, I threw myself at him whenever he asked and even if he didn’t ask I would just completely destroy myself to do anything and everything for him. Obviously, I didn’t realize what I was doing, I was too used to being used and abused to realize it. But my better half did. And he didn’t let me throw myself at him, he gave me a voice and a chance to speak my mind and give an opinion. To express my feelings, to feel like a human. Not being in a relationship ever is, in my eyes, better than being in a bad relationship. If you’re faced with a choice of whom to go out with I would say the person that has never been in a relationship. Yes, it comes with challenges, but at least you don’t have to spend the beginning of your relationship correcting all the damages that the previous person did. It’s a tough position to be in, and sometimes you don’t realize your relationship was poison, you just have to hope that the next one that comes has a big enough heart to treat you right and to help you gain the respect that you deserve.

I don’t know what I have done in my life to have deserved such a person. I am forever grateful.

Your Editor

And… the Internet is back

it wasn’t because I was in the woods

Yes, that is where I have gone, into a world where WiFi barely exist and I run around trying to find some sort of service, or even just a sliver of connection to be able to just one more text message. I am so sick and tired of: “hello? Helllooo?? Can you hear me??” and me yelling back “I HEAR YOU! CAN YOU HEAR ME???!” You do not understand the level of frustration and anxiety it gives me. Lesson: make sure you have damn good service in a house before you buy it.

I attempted to blog but the Internet just wouldn’t connect to anything; it was very, very, very, upsetting.

So with the WiFi back let me catch all of you guys up with my life:

The weekend went smooth, we had some unexpected visitors come from out-of-state and it’s very nice to see them, yes they are staying by us, where else would they stay? However, one of them has taken ill and is now hospitalized for possibly stomach cancer and it’s not fun. Mind you all, when they showed up, after I already cooked most of the food for the weekend, I was informed of their vegan status. Trust me when I tell you that I was pretty shocked how that information was not made known to the one cooking all their meals in advance. Foolish souls. Applesauce is a great replacement for eggs by the way 😉

I participated in Sally’s Baking Addiction March competition, I made what I thought was a very pretty cake, however I did not win, so that was disappointing. I also wasn’t one of the lucky ones to get their cake posted on her blog. It seems to me that she tends to use whatever she sees on Facebook as opposed to other social media sites. I guess I won’t be winning anytime soon because I do not have a Facebook account.

Why is that you ask?

Well I am just not interested. My life is too busy. I do not need to spend time looking at whatever everyone else is doing and feeling like I am missing out or why wasn’t I invited. We have enough stress in our life, why on earth would I put myself in a position to just gossip and snoop around other people’s lives? I suppose WordPress is the most I have got to social media and I feel like people use this more as an inspirational and therapeutic environment than to show off. That being the case, I am totally content without it.

As for the rest of the week…

I sort of did something I really shouldn’t have and I knew at the time that I was making a mistake and I should stop and I didn’t. I don’t know what possessed me to act so foolishly, or why I even had the desire too. I guess when things aren’t allowed for you, you have more of a temptation to do those things. Anyway, I feel dreadful. I, however, made peace with myself a little bit because I had a choice to tell my better half or not, if not, he would have never have found out. But as hard as it was: I told him. He reacted in the best way a person could. Legit. He was sweet, so sweet, didn’t scream or yell, or make this about him. He just acted lovingly to try to understand why I did what I shouldn’t have. I feel dreadful and no amount of apologies can take away what I did. It affects him too, and he’s trying to see why I did it because maybe he is the reason why I did it, but he’s not. He can never be. He is too good to me for that. No, I didn’t cheat on him, I’m not that type of girl, and I overly happy being in a relationship with him, but what I did still affects him. The truth was when I did it I wasn’t thinking that he would be affected, just that maybe he would be disappointed. When I had the conversation to him I realized that being in a relationship means that what you do, good or bad, will no matter what or how somehow will always affect your partner. I should have been smarted than I was, I should have realized. I selfishly did something I wanted to do without thinking of the other person in my life, that makes up my life. My life is no longer MY life to live alone and do as I please, I have someone who will be my Husband in a few short months that I constantly need to put ahead of me and think of before acting foolishly. Maybe all of this was supposed to happen so I can learn this lesson. They do say the best lessons in life come from experiences. I wish it wouldn’t have tho.

I’m disappointed in myself. I am better than that.

Your Editor

Did you say half?

no one is going to tell me what to call my man

I heard something interesting the other day and I am still deciding how I feel about it. If you have been following me or read a couple of my post you may have noticed that whenever I talk about my Fiance I write my better half. Now, this lady was discussing marriage with me and commented how she hates when people walk around saying “oh, my better half” or “my other half” or anything that implies you are half a person. To an extent I get it: no one is half a person, everyone should be an emotional whole person. Meaning to say, you are complete who you are without a man. Which was very apropo, as it was International Women’s Day…

Image result for gifs of i dont need a man

So for all those that have been thinking I am some ‘half’ a person let me just clarify: I call him that because I find it romantic. We are complete equal partners in our relationship, I don’t feel like I can’t stand up for myself and be my own person without him, and to be honest, I just dislike what she said.

Most women nowadays aren’t so dependent on men they just want men to do things for them because of all the movies that dictate what a relationship is supposed to be like. However, if put to the task, most women find that they are very capable of taking out the garbage, figuring out what to respond to a text message, taking medicine when they feel sick, and doing every other thing in their life without having to ask their mans’ opinion! To be honest with you all, I ask because I like to hear what he has to say and I enjoy including him in the decisions I make. But if it boils down to it and he isn’t there or can’t answer the phone or he says something I completely disagree with, than hell, I am making that decision on my own!

Image result for gifs of i got this

I’m going to call him what I please and not going to let someone tell me I’m half a person because I describe him as my better half. I have more confidence than that.

Your Editor

Valentine’s Day

it’s more than just a date

Do you celebrate it?

There was conversation about it at work the other day; how it is a girls holiday and they don’t need to get their boyfriends/husbands anything. It made me think about lesbian relationships… does that mean one of them doesn’t get a present because they play the boyfriend/husband figure in the relationship? It also made me think how selfish that is to think that you deserve a present, for what? Wikipedia has a page on Valentine’s Day where is writes:

Valentine’s Day is recognized as a significant cultural, religious, and commercial celebration of romance in many regions around the world, although it is not a public holiday in any country.

That being said, Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate romance. It doesn’t say who, what, where, and how, it just says romance. Therefore, if you are in a romantic relationship, you have an opportunity to celebrate it. That is a decision you make. What person wouldn’t want to celebrate it though? It is a day where you have another chance to express to your partner/spouse how you value them. That doesn’t require you to have to buy expensive gifts, just requires you to do something so that you show your partner/spouse that you appreciate them.

A friend brought up how she dislikes Valentine’s Day because if her boyfriend/husband needs a day to remind him how much he loves her then she doesn’t want to be a part of that relationship. I see where she is coming from.

I feel like everyone is writing about Valentine’s Day and for those of you that aren’t such a big fan of the day altogether, I’m sure it’s not too fun. So, I’d like to just take a minute and talk about romance. The day is after all a celebration of romance. So enough about who celebrates what and why, here’s a bit of romance.

What is romance? What people feel at the beginning of a relationship is romance: the emotions, the light-headedness, the butterflies.

icanhasGIF.com white black photograph black and white photography monochrome photography snapshot darkness phenomenon

There is a sense of newness and freshness that people generally have in the beginning of a relationship. I know the day is over (I was supposed to have this post done on Valentine’s Day) but there is still time to take your spouse/partner out and show a little romance. I say romance and not love because you have love if you’re in a relationship for some time now. Do something special that brings those butterflies back.

Image result for gifs of butterflies in your stomach

Don’t say you love me a million times, do something that shows your spouse/partner that you they are exciting to you, that just because you’ve been together for so many years/months you still feel like the day where your relationship started.

We don’t need a day to tell us to love someone we already love, we need a day to remind us to go back to the romance, to bring it back into our lives.

Make every day like the first and you will never look elsewhere because you have it all.

Your Editor