Did you say half?

no one is going to tell me what to call my man

I heard something interesting the other day and I am still deciding how I feel about it. If you have been following me or read a couple of my post you may have noticed that whenever I talk about my Fiance I write my better half. Now, this lady was discussing marriage with me and commented how she hates when people walk around saying “oh, my better half” or “my other half” or anything that implies you are half a person. To an extent I get it: no one is half a person, everyone should be an emotional whole person. Meaning to say, you are complete who you are without a man. Which was very apropo, as it was International Women’s Day…

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So for all those that have been thinking I am some ‘half’ a person let me just clarify: I call him that because I find it romantic. We are complete equal partners in our relationship, I don’t feel like I can’t stand up for myself and be my own person without him, and to be honest, I just dislike what she said.

Most women nowadays aren’t so dependent on men they just want men to do things for them because of all the movies that dictate what a relationship is supposed to be like. However, if put to the task, most women find that they are very capable of taking out the garbage, figuring out what to respond to a text message, taking medicine when they feel sick, and doing every other thing in their life without having to ask their mans’ opinion! To be honest with you all, I ask because I like to hear what he has to say and I enjoy including him in the decisions I make. But if it boils down to it and he isn’t there or can’t answer the phone or he says something I completely disagree with, than hell, I am making that decision on my own!

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I’m going to call him what I please and not going to let someone tell me I’m half a person because I describe him as my better half. I have more confidence than that.

Your Editor

Valentine’s Day

it’s more than just a date

Do you celebrate it?

There was conversation about it at work the other day; how it is a girls holiday and they don’t need to get their boyfriends/husbands anything. It made me think about lesbian relationships… does that mean one of them doesn’t get a present because they play the boyfriend/husband figure in the relationship? It also made me think how selfish that is to think that you deserve a present, for what? Wikipedia has a page on Valentine’s Day where is writes:

Valentine’s Day is recognized as a significant cultural, religious, and commercial celebration of romance in many regions around the world, although it is not a public holiday in any country.

That being said, Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate romance. It doesn’t say who, what, where, and how, it just says romance. Therefore, if you are in a romantic relationship, you have an opportunity to celebrate it. That is a decision you make. What person wouldn’t want to celebrate it though? It is a day where you have another chance to express to your partner/spouse how you value them. That doesn’t require you to have to buy expensive gifts, just requires you to do something so that you show your partner/spouse that you appreciate them.

A friend brought up how she dislikes Valentine’s Day because if her boyfriend/husband needs a day to remind him how much he loves her then she doesn’t want to be a part of that relationship. I see where she is coming from.

I feel like everyone is writing about Valentine’s Day and for those of you that aren’t such a big fan of the day altogether, I’m sure it’s not too fun. So, I’d like to just take a minute and talk about romance. The day is after all a celebration of romance. So enough about who celebrates what and why, here’s a bit of romance.

What is romance? What people feel at the beginning of a relationship is romance: the emotions, the light-headedness, the butterflies.

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There is a sense of newness and freshness that people generally have in the beginning of a relationship. I know the day is over (I was supposed to have this post done on Valentine’s Day) but there is still time to take your spouse/partner out and show a little romance. I say romance and not love because you have love if you’re in a relationship for some time now. Do something special that brings those butterflies back.

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Don’t say you love me a million times, do something that shows your spouse/partner that you they are exciting to you, that just because you’ve been together for so many years/months you still feel like the day where your relationship started.

We don’t need a day to tell us to love someone we already love, we need a day to remind us to go back to the romance, to bring it back into our lives.

Make every day like the first and you will never look elsewhere because you have it all.

Your Editor

There’s always something that will annoy you

fight for what used to matter the most

No matter what, who, when, where, the person you’re in a relationship with will somehow find a way to annoy you. The common rumor about why people get divorced is because he always left the toilet seat up or he never put the top on the toothpaste. I know you’re probably thinking “wow that is petty,” but in the moment somehow it all makes sense. But really, there’s more to it.

If you genuinely are happy with someone then the toilet seat up or down, the toothpaste cap on or off wouldn’t make a difference. Now, don’t take that as me saying if you get annoyed at your other half you don’t love them. What I am trying to say is that there’s just more to it.

When you don’t actually like a person, everything they do will bother you. You may have once liked them enough to move in with them but for some reason you find everything they do lately, just bothers you. In which case you can take two routes: break up/divorce or try to fix it. Sadly, most people today are choosing the first option. Which makes me wonder: if a marriage you said your vows to or relationship you committed yourself to isn’t worth fighting for then what has the world come to? We fight for things we love. The American people fought for their land because they valued it. They wanted it. They couldn’t live without it. You obviously saw something in your partner to have got you to the point where you are today, yes people change but then again so do you. Why is it suddenly just okay to fall into this black pit of fighting and arguing over nonsense? Why is it okay to just go get a divorce because things just aren’t working out?

When you were a kid and you wanted something, say, to play an instrument or a sport, you worked for it, no? Maybe your parents paid, or maybe you had to do chores to pay for it, or work. Either way, in whatever situation I am sure something went wrong along the way. Could be your mom yelled at you for doing something wrong and threatened to not let you do what you so badly wanted to do. Or maybe while you were doing what you so desperately wanted, something went wrong: you broke your foot at the game. And in those moments you had a feeling where you just wanted to give up and maybe you got stuck in that feeling for a while but deep inside you, you were craving whatever it is you so badly wanted to do. Could be you didn’t even realize how badly you wanted to do it again, but it doesn’t matter. When you love something, you work for it. I love to bake, trust me when I say recipes flop, they flop. Sometimes they flop so bad that I just want to give up but at the end of the day baking is my happy place.

So it may be that he/she used to be your happy place but somehow you have found yourself trying to escape to other places because you just don’t want to deal with it. Well my advice to you is don’t let some dark, grey cloud consume you whole, at least try to fight. Get up in the morning, make a choice to do something different, to let the accident go, to control your voice and watch your words. What’s the worse that can happen? You’ll find yourself happy again.

Your Editor

My co-worker

don’t always be so judgemental

My co-worker’s marriage is a….. there’s just no words to describe it. Before her big wedding day, she’d come into work and talk about how horrible her future mother-in-law is and how her fiance has communication issues because of his mother, and she’d go on and on and on.  I wondered then why she didn’t just not get married.  It wasn’t like there was a bad day once in a while, there was a bad day every day, and maybe ever so often there would be a day were she didn’t complain or bash something that he did.

There is just so many issues wrong with their relationship then, and now that they are married…. oh boy. I sit at my desk at work and try really hard to keep myself from giving her a lesson or two on her marriage.

Before the wedding there was this whole mix up about the groomsmen’s shirts and somehow it was all her fiance’s fault: “he was supposed to order the shirts a month ago, he was supposed to do this, I told him to do that.” You know those people that tell you “I told you so,” don’t you just want to slap them in the face? Well trust me I felt like doing something to shut her up.  Like, shouldn’t their wedding day, the beautifulness of it all, overpower the stupid fight over blue shirts?

It’s like my co-worker can’t think for herself; she talks to everyone about how horrible her relationship is, takes advice from everyone yet can’t seem to get anything right.

The first thing I would say to her is this: your dirty laundry is just that: YOURS! Part of what makes a relationship, especially marriage, special is that it is just yours.  It is something that two people share: the good and the bad.

Then I would tell her to just stop blowing everything up.  Who cares if he forgot to take the garbage out one time?! Who cares if his mother wants to wear a hat to the wedding?! Why does it all of a sudden have to mean that he doesn’t love you enough? This girl needs confidence, a whole lot of it. She obviously does not love herself one bit because if she did she would be able to let things go, stand her ground a bit, I don’t know but just not be such a grump all day.  Everything is a big deal.

The latest has been how apparently her husband doesn’t want to share bank accounts with her and she strongly believes that his mother is in some sort of team with him to make her life hell.  Okay, I get her annoyance at not sharing a bank account, it makes sense, I wouldn’t understand not sharing a bank account with my spouse.  However, that can be discussed, you know? But I can tell you that it won’t be discussed with her husband anymore because of the way she reacted and now half the world knows her husband refuses to make a bank account with her and thinks he is some horrible human being because of how dramatic she was.  Take a lesson everyone: you don’t like something your spouse does, talk to them, not to a million other people. Another lesson: sit down with your spouse and present your side in a calm voice and listen to his side, I am sure you will see that you both can be reasonable with each other, after all you guys do love one another.

Today, she found out from someone her husband works with that her husband turned down a promotion.  Now, it is not like she talks to me about this stuff, she is generally on the phone with a friend, her mother, or talking to our other co-worker. Listen I can understand if one was upset that their spouse didn’t tell them something but in her eyes she has painter her spouse a person that she cannot trust at all. She questions everything he says and does.  Now it could be in all honesty that her husband is just not a good person but I really don’t think so. What I am wondering is why he agreed to marry this crazy lady? She is so negative about everything. She doesn’t even try and find the good in things that he does, it’s just like if he does something nice her response is: well no duh, he better have come up here and helped me out. You can’t be such a demandingly mean person.  Her love for him is buried so deep I don’t know how she is still with him.

The other day I overheard her practically yelling at her husband how “if he wants to have kids he better go and schedule a blood test because it just is not okay if they aren’t compatible and then they are going to have to go through lots of testing and she’s not going to put herself through that,” and blah, blah, blah. Legit. Wow. My thoughts were: please do not be having kids right now until you can figure out how to deal with each other. But what really sat in me was just like planning the wedding, it is supposed to be fun and special, having children is supposed to be fun and just something a team would jump into yet there she was demanding and yelling at him.

It’s like she views him as somebody lower than her. Someone she has to train. You’re not his mother, you’re his wife. If you don’t know the difference, don’t get married.

Your Editor


sleep with me

There’s this tradition my partner and I have, it’s called Date Night. No matter where we are in the world, by 12 o’clock AM we are both in bed.  He could be in his and I could be in mine and we could be in two different states, but we’re still in bed, at the same time, almost as if we were together.

Call it childish but when living so far from each other you have to do things that will make you feel connected, even if it is closing your eyes and listening to him how he describes holding you in bed and playing with your hair.

I heard something interesting today about couples who sleep in separate bedrooms; how the sex is better for some, the relationship is stronger for others, and one went as far as saying how they live in separate houses. My first thought: what is the point of being married then?

I get it some people snore, some people like it cold, some people like it hot, some people get up early, some people make noise in the morning, but isn’t marriage about compromising? In fact, isn’t every relationship built on compromises, selflessness, desire to make the other person happy? So she doesn’t like the mattress you sleep on, well then go and buy another mattress and find a way to make it fit in your room!

There is something about coming home at the end of a long day and getting into bed with someone you love and someone that will comfort you.

Sleeping in separate rooms makes going to bed angry at each other so much easier. It’s like you can just walk away from the argument and slam your door and then hear them slam theirs and then that’s it.  Then people have to overcome their pride to open their door and walk to their spouse’s door and try and have a conversation (and now a days, most people are too proud to make the first move, which causes a lot more problems). However, if you’re sleeping in the same bed, well let’s just say after a few moments of cooling down one generally does not want to stay upset at their spouse and so one may move closer to their spouse in bed and after a few minutes of physical interaction they will probably end up talking out their feelings and apologizing. Look at that! The situation was resolved and you both can sleep peacefully in the comfort of each other’s arms.

How dreadful would it be if you both went to bed angry, in separate rooms, one of you left before the other got up, went to work, probably had a bad day because you haven’t cleared things up with your spouse, only to come home to no “I’m sorry for what happened,” or anything that would give you any sort of desire to resolve whatever you fought over, which you probably forgot about by now, and then to have to do something for your spouse.  You would probably blow up before it came to that.

Now, just imagine how all of that could have been so much less than what it was if you just gotten into bed together.

I just can’t understand it, why on earth would you want to sleep in a different bedroom?

Your Editor