Being you

who said you need to be perfect?

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I have met wayy too many new people in the span of much too short of a time. I can vaguely recall maybe a quarter of the people’s names. One thing I have stuck to is being myself. I find that when placed in many new scenes one can lose themselves trying to hold on to what is around them. It is a scary thought because one can get consumed in it and by the time they look up they are surrounded by unfamiliarity, with no clue how they got there.

I met the people, said hi, smiled, waved, pretended to show interest in details I could not remember two seconds after being said, most of all I stayed true to myself. So when they all stopped dancing and I wanted to dance, I danced despite every eye on me. And when the wannabe girlfriend flanked around my Husband, I felt pity for her but did not detour from standing confidently beside him. And when I wanted to jump in the pool and only the kids were in it- we jumped in together and all the adults secretly wished they had the balls to do it. I am me. I may have looked like a fool to you. I may have worn the wrong outfit in your opinion- but it’s just that- your opinion.

I know it’s not over, being in a new place requires the constant smiles and overly enthusiastic responses, however, I will be true to myself- and trust me- it’s doing you a favor. Say what you want behind my back, I am me and I am proud of me, good or bad, I will try my best to be pleasant, sweet, and nothing but wonderful, you on the other hand, may just not be my cup of tea- but it’s great meeting you 🙂

I sound mean but I mean it from the goodness inside me: I dislike the show everyone puts on for everyone else, I dislike the constant need to sound amazing and always happy, life is serious you know? We don’t all live in mansions covered in heaps of cash with not a worry in the world. It is like driving down a road filled with beautiful houses; you met me once, stopped, said a few words, commented on my looks, and went on to the next. There is more to me than that. Maybe if you actually heard what I had to say instead of nodding until I am done so you can say what you wanted to say next- then maybe I would think you would actually care to meet me. Instead all these people walk by me, stop, say their two cents, leave, catch up with the person a few steps ahead who just did the same thing and discuss what ‘type’ they think I am. I have only heard good things circle back my way about myself but it also just confirms that the cycle of people walking into my life actually is factual. Now if only one would stop, look me in the eyes and care for a genuine response, not just wait to hear the perfectly fabricated response you want me saying.

So if I say something unusual, maybe it is because I am an actual person not just a house standing on a pedestal waiting to be awed at.

Your Editor

 

The Cafe Lady

who would have thought

Well what do you know, people sitting next to you really do get a kick out of your telephone conversations! Before I tell you the story I want to tell you another story. I was on the bus the other day and the girl sitting next to me, must have been around 16-19 years old, was writing out a text message of some form. Curious as I was and with nowhere else to look, I casually looked down and a little to the side and had a great view of everything she was typing. “I am supposed to sit at home and wait for my father to pass out then call the police,”… “The deposition just is a bunch of lawyers saying things I can never understand,” my heart broke. Who knows where this girl was headed to, what she had to deal with but just sitting beside her made me want to reach out and comfort her. As young as she was, dealing with who knows what, makes you realize sitting beside people from all ends of the earth is… there is just no words for it.

Today, I had a couple of words of my own, and so did she. We were sitting at a lovely cafe, kids playing, beautiful atmosphere, one of those places that just make you happy. There was a skinny, short curly-haired lady sitting directly across from us. From when we got there till she left we did not have any interaction except one. She mumbled something to herself, picked up the phone, and boy, what a mouth she had! Every other word was a curse word. “I’m Hungry and I can’t F****** leave here because then I will be expected to clean and cook for a F****** grown adult. I can’t handle this it’s breaking my F****** balls. I just want to go home and sit with my S**** and my own food and not have to listen to this F****** shrieking anymore.” It went on for a bit longer than that. My Husband and I took one look at each other, raised our eyebrows, and were very happy when she hung up, though it was quite amusing. She was overheating, most likely because she was hangry, but boy did she want to go home. Five minutes after her cursing fiasco, she gives me a smile and in the nicest voice ever, as if we did not hear her whole list of profanities, asks me to unplug her computer charger. This brought to mind the idea of how a person can treat a total stranger with the utmost respect and a person they actually know with complete and utter disgust.

It is like we have this idea in our mind that we need to be nice to those we do not know and being mean to those we do, is normal. Well, it should not be. Why should we care about what a total stranger thinks of us? They most likely will never see us again. It is a scary thought because you can be so angry at someone you know and the minute you bump into someone not as known a mask falls over your face and you are this brand new human that hasn’t a care in the world. This lady was angry. She was pissed. She was hungry, why couldn’t she express any of that in her tone when she turned to me? Just because one doesn’t know someone doesn’t mean that one cannot express an emotion that is strong. It is like we are all expected to be perfect and because of that everyone has a fear of what people will say and think, so they are quick to hide any sign of imperfection. If only we could have that feeling with the people we are most comfortable with, the world would be a whole lot better of a place. 

Plenty people are divorcing, separating, breaking-up, losing friends and family relationships all because they are too comfortable and forget that those closest to them still deserve respect. It is challenging because when you spend day in and day out with people you grow accustomed to being around them and forget that they still deserve a thank you and just because you are upset about your day doesn’t mean they deserve the lashing for it. It takes a person to constantly work on themselves to continue to make sure their relationships stay new and fresh. If you think back to the first time you met the person you are in a relationship with, most of the time it was a positive scenario and stayed positive until one person in the relationship got too comfortable and stopped thinking about the other person and instead only about themselves. It happens to everyone but being aware of it, makes you one less person part of the ‘people pleasing population.’

Your Editor