Look ahead of you

in life you can’t go backwards, but you also can’t let it hold you back

Everyone had a path in life and although we may all be consumed in what others are doing and how far others have come, at the end of the day, we will achieve all that we are meant to.

When I was fighting my addictions there were days where I just couldn’t be strong, I couldn’t hold back and my better half said something to me that I may not have understood the impact it had on me then and there but now I do. He would list me famous people, like the owner of Macy’s, tell me how many times they failed before they actually succeeded. Most of the time I would just shut him up and be like “I know, I know, you have said this a million times,” but now I realize it did sink in me. Sometimes I find myself telling him “you know the owner of Macy’s failed 9 times before he was finally able to open up a store,” and I can’t help but smile to myself. Now it is his turn to shut me up but who knows, maybe one day he’ll look back and realize it motivated him without him realizing 🙂 .

In this world it is hard to realize that the path you, and only you, are on is the right one, is the one that will lead you to being the happiest. No, you can’t see it. No, you can’t understand it. You are right, it makes no sense why you are sitting in a hospital room and everyone around you is healthy and seemingly so happy. It won’t ever make sense. You will most probably never understand why it took you till age 32 to finally get the job you wanted. You will never understand why it is that you can’t seem to be as wealthy as your friends. But what you can understand is the fact that you will never understand, and that in itself will fill the blanks for all the unanswered questions.

There will always be the question of why, the question of what if. Try and focus on what the next step is; putting one foot in front of the other. Most importantly, try and remember that falling down can and will hurt, but getting back up will make it all worth it.

Your Editor

An unexpected day

when your schedule just doesn’t go your way

I thought today I’d get back to normal… well if you’d call my life normal. But turns out I was very wrong. I finally got to work after working out who will take me because somehow my car is being used by someone other than myself. Okay, so fine, I’m at work and it only takes about an hour and a 45 minute phone call with customer service to get my computer running. Finally able to work and there’s no work to do. I spent the majority of my morning filing HR paperwork, not fun let me tell you. Then I was reminded by the repeated phone calls from my mother that I needed to go to the doctor. Except when I called the doctors office no one seemed to want to pick up the phone. However, my mother being my mother told me to go because the doctor had time now. So I ran/walkedreallyfast to the doctor which is generally a 10-11 minute walk, in about 5 minutes. I show up, they tell me to sit down, they call me in, take my weight, blood pressure, temperature and then I wait. Now, I left work in the midst of a multiple choice question quiz with the intention I’d be back within 30 minutes. It really doesn’t take long to check my breast. That’s what I thought. An hour later the doctor finally graces me with her presence, and I thought she had time, she checks me, prescribes me more meds and an ultrasound. I am not so excited anymore. I walk back to work when I know I should be running because I just took a 30 minute break and made it an hour and I just got back to work today and I was late this morning, but I just don’t have a head to. I get back and my multiple choice question quiz is open waiting for me, I settle down, answer my mother’s repeated questions and finally think I am able to start the clock again for my goal of 20 hours of studying… but nope, here comes actual work. Everything goes back on pause again and I am stuck working the rest of the day.

I had to tell my boss I’ll be out tomorrow morning, which I proudly didn’t even think twice about.

I’m trying to do a million things at once and I forget that what I need the most is to just take a deep breath and give myself a moment to catch up with my legs. My mind and emotions are somewhere else. I have mixed feelings about my mother coming with me to the doctor, I have excitement and anticipation for our wedding, and I have a lot of things I want to get done.

I started looking for cute poses to show the photographer, songs for the wedding dances and the ceremony, dresses, clothes, shoes, jewelry, the list doesn’t end and that makes me happy.

What doesn’t make me happy is I really should be studying and I really should be going to bed earlier and not watching as many Tv shows as I have been. Whatever, as I say: it is what it is, and this time I’ll add that I’m not rushing to change it.

I really was looking forward to having a boring day at work, to work, study, and blog. I miss blogging.

Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

Your Editor

A bit more happiness

just look in the mirror 🙂

Everyone wants to be happy. If there was a happiness pill out there, everyone would spend however much it cost in order to get some. People want to be happy. Some people believe having all the money in the world would make them happy.

Related image

But then when you have all the money in the world and you’re not happy, you get angry because you have wasted so much of your life working to reach this point of ultimate happiness and now that you got there, you’re like where is that happiness?

Most people think they will become happy when they have something they want. For example: I’ll be happy when I am in a relationship or I’ll be happy when I build my dream home. To everyone there is a different reason of why they are not happy. That is why there is no happiness pill out there; what could make you happy, can make me miserable, and what can make me happy, can make you miserable.

So what will make you happy? Absolutely nothing that is physical. Remember that next time you tell someone who you will be happy only if xyz happens. Now, don’t get me wrong you may be happy when you get that car, girl, guy, kiss, house, whatever it is you dream of, but that is not real happiness. That is not happiness that will last when whatever physical thing you got is not around anymore. So, if nothing physical can fill this happiness void, what can?

That is a question you must ask yourself.

Image result for gifs of what makes me happy?

If it has a this, you, that, or a product in front of “makes me happy,” it is not real happiness. Food doesn’t make you happy, it makes you feel full and good inside, so you equate it to happiness because you are content and maybe not hangry anymore. A person should not be the key to your happiness, only you possess the key to make yourself happy.

As Eddie Two Hawks quotes in his blog post: “take responsibility of your own happiness, never put it in other people’s hands,” nor in the hands of other things.

If only you possess the key to your happiness then you must start looking within yourself in order to be happy. Look at what you have not what you don’t have. Look at who you are not what you are not and make yourself happy. Write down everything about you, the good, the bad, what you do and do not have, everything. Then separate the good and the bad, don’t be hard on yourself, don’t be humble, be honest; if you’re a talented author, write it down. Take notice of all the qualities you have, the things you have, and realize how blessed you are. Just take a moment and be grateful because there can be so many other things in your life that are much harder than what you are dealing with. Become comfortable with who and what you are, the baggage that comes with you but also, the gifts that make you, you.

You’ll see, you will suddenly be much happier.

Your Editor

 

Excitement is in the air

the key is staying happy

You know when something new is happening everyone is so excited? Like, it’s fun planning a wedding (or should be at least), the engagement party, the proposal.

My better half was talking with some of his friends last night and the conversation was about what he will do after the excitement of marriage dies down. Now, can I just say something? Why does the excitement have to ever die down? I was reading a book the other day and it brought up something I found gave me mixed emotions: the priest was telling one of the participants of a divorce support group how he finds it ironic how when he gives marriage classes and everyone is falling asleep but in his divorce classes, everyone is taking notes. I know people don’t get married thinking about getting divorced. Actually, I take that back, now a days people get married while planning their divorce. There are people out there that have hidden bank accounts just waiting for the day they get divorced. But why can’t people just put their all into their marriage. Instead they are splitting themself either in half or 30/70 or some other percentage and not giving their undivided attention to building and being a part of a relationship. It takes a lot of work, effort, time, commitment to have a successful relationship so if you’re so busy splitting your attention between your relationship and the end of your relationship, it will never last.

Image result for gifs of getting divorced

It’s so pathetic.

Image result for gifs of getting divorced

(side note: if you have not watched The Good Wife, you are missing out on an unbelievably, genius TV show- the character in the gif above is one of the actors)

Overhearing my better half’s conversation got me thinking about all of this and also the reason why I started this blog in the first place. The name is Forever Day One for a reason; I want the rest of my life to be as exciting as the first day I started anything I was looking forward too. There is no reason in the world why every morning I shouldn’t wake up with the same enjoyment. I get it, life gets hectic, it’s hard out there. But at the end of the day we are all going through life anyway, why on earth won’t we just make the most out of it?

The answer may be because that would require us to be constantly focusing on the positive. Now, I am not perfect and I have my mean, bitchy days but at the end of it, or throughout the day if I did not try to bring whatever it is I screwed up around back to the happy place it was before, then I have failed to live that day as a gift. We all feel so blessed when we encounter things we don’t generally deserve or things we have worked up to in our life but then we get sick of it. We become that four-year old boy who has been begging his parents for a new truck, finally get it, plays with it for a week, maybe a month, and then forgets about it. Marriage is not like that. You can’t just marry someone, have fun with them, get used to them, and then three months later find a new toy to play with. You have to find ways to make yourself the ‘toy’ no one wants to ever stop playing with.

Which is hard to do. There is always someone who will be more attractive, successful, motivated, wealthier, than you. But as long as you remember why you started out with someone, other people in the world won’t matter. Don’t focus on who is out there, focus on what is in you, how far can you go? If you concentrate on that, I will tell you that you won’t be faced with what will life be like after the excitement of marriage dies down, rather you will be confronted with what excitement will today bring that wasn’t here yesterday? 

It is more than just living every day to the fullest. Like I wrote in My Dream, asking yourself how hard you worked today and not going to sleep until you’ve done all that you can, can be applied to this; how much effort did you put into your relationship today so that it can feel like it felt the first day you met your partner/spouse?

All it takes it the desire to make life beautiful and when any relationship starts out, all they should be focusing on is the beauty, not the divorce papers.

Make every day better than the first day.

Your Editor

Communication

use your words, it will help

Over the three years of my relationship I have grown a lot in this area. In my previous relationship (I shouldn’t really call it that because it was everything but a relationship), I was always limited on what I could say or how I said it. My family never thought much when I spoke; I always didn’t know what I was saying to was too crazy to think with my head. When I finally met someone who actually wanted to hear my opinion, I couldn’t figure out how to talk. I guess that is what so many years of forcing to swallow my thoughts, comments, feelings, had caused that I just couldn’t express anything. I think worse than that though, was that I would only express what I knew that other person wanted to hear. You may think that sounds like a people pleaser but it was something else.

When I was hurt, I said I wasn’t. When I was in pain, I apologized. When I was lonely, I found unhealthy outlets. When I was told I was to blame, I hurt myself. I physically was not able to keep the feelings inside me so I found outlets that helped me reduce the suffocating feeling inside my body.

I will admit that my relationship now is a constant struggle because he is always asking me my feelings and thoughts. In the beginning I couldn’t say or express anything and it frustrated him to no end. You see, I worked so hard to go out of my way in my previous relationship, to make him happy, to do creative things for him and I got nothing in return, besides for physical things (which I didn’t get either), I didn’t get no verbal expression. I learned to keep my disappointment as well as my joy inside me, because after all, who would want to hear it?

When my better half couldn’t handle how I couldn’t say it made me happy when he did something for me, I knew I had to work on it not only for him, but for myself. God gave man a mouth to use it, why on earth was I only using my mouth to swallow? And so the long and never-ending journey of late night phone calls and never ending dissecting words that I said started. Don’t get me wrong 99.9% of the time I was frustrated; I got angry because why couldn’t he understand what I was saying or why couldn’t he just figure out what I was trying to say without asking me to explain every other word. But it was all worth it. I must add though, not many men have the patience, the never ending devotion, time, love, or care to put so much effort into someone who was barely giving anything in return.

I have now, thank God, reached a point where 90% of the time I can express exactly how and what I feel. I say 90% because there are times where I just use the wrong words and there are times where I will say things I do not mean because that is the only way I care to express my frustration and anger.

I am at the stage of working on using my words properly when I am angry, upset, hurt, offended, and all the other adjectives. However, for most people, that is a constant struggle. So, I would like to think that I have finally come to the category of ‘normal’ people and far away from the abused and stifled position I used to be in.

It is very hard to use words properly; there are so many things one can say but if one doesn’t think before they speak, they will never be able to take those many things back.

I constantly battle this, as do many in relationships. We all say somethings we do not mean, and they hurt the people we love most. We all just need to find within ourselves the ability to let go from what can cause so much terrible pain. “I am sorry” are just not enough words to cover the sound of hurtful words.

Maybe the point of this post was to tell you to think before you speak, more like tell myself, or maybe it was to realize how far I have come and how could I screw up, or maybe it was to show how important communication is, or maybe it was to let people know how much their words can damage someone. I will let you decide.

Your Editor

 

I need some advice

just a daughter craving her mother’s attention

I don’t know what to do. For all of you that are parents, maybe you can help out with this one. If you have a child that reminds you exactly of yourself when you were younger, do you find that you don’t have as good of a relationship with that child?

I guess if you didn’t like the way you grew up and the decisions you made as a kid that would reflect on your liking of your child (especially, if they are doing the same things you did, that you most probably regret).

What happens if you’re the child in this situation? Do you keep trying to have a relationship with that parent?

To be honest: I am tired of trying. I know I’m too young for that, but I guess it is part of being part of the younger generation. Your relationship with your parents is VERY important and I feel like I didn’t get a fair chance just because I am a lot like her. It is true though, I wasn’t the best kid from the age of 12 till 18 BUT before that, I was their best child, did everything for them, gave unconditionally, endlessly, smiled, laughed and then life hit me hard. So… now what?

I have tried everything; being nice, starting conversation, going out of my way, controlling my responses and facial expressions, and a whole lot of other things. It’s not so simple anymore. Often, I feel as though I am willing to try and make things work but then she’s not and then when she is willing to try, I am not. It is like a seesaw.

How on earth are we ever going to be on the same level?

The only way for the seesaw to be even is if everyone gets off of it, how do we disconnect from each other enough to give us even ground to start fresh on? I guess moving out would help change things up a bit. It isn’t very comforting though because it shouldn’t have to be this way. Especially when I see everyone else around me succeeding at it. But I suppose it could be worse, I could not know at all why she felt this way.

We all are given a lot in life and how our life will turn out is dependent on what we do with that lot.

This is mine and though at times I wish it wasn’t, I am happier that it is this than something else because there are a lot worse things that people have to go through than this. I am very blessed, even if I don’t always see it so long as I try to find it I will find some sort of comfort.

But if anyone has ideas… I am open to hearing anything at this point 🙂

Your Editor

 

Let’s all just take a moment and be positive

all it takes is one minute and you can be snapped back into your happy self

My friend sent me this picture and said it was perfect for my life right now and I responded no it’s not 😰. She asked me what happened and all I can think of responding back is: what didn’t happen.

I apparently need to ask permission before I leave the house. What have I become? 12 yrs old? Like, seriously?!

After a much-needed rest I am now able to face the day. Sometimes there are just too many things happening all at the same time and it can make you want to blow up, and that is when you must change your perspective, maybe not the second after the situation but maybe a little after that.

To be honest with you I am not generally the type that naturally is in a bad mood. There are usually three or four reasons of why I am upset/angry/frustrated/annoyed/snappy/yelling/sad:

  • I am on my period or getting it or just finished it (so roughly a few days before and a few days after my cycle)
  • I am hungry (yes I am one of those “hangry” people)
  • I am tired
  • Someone at home pissed me off

Reading that list makes me sound like a baby and I don’t mean an immature person, I mean an actual baby, the ones that cry when they poop, are hungry, tired, or someone bothered them.

We all know what put as in a certain unpleasant mood, it is getting out of it that is usually the problem. Some people, like me, are to lazy to actually mentally make themself just go do whatever it is they need to do to snap them out of their bitchy mood, like go get something to eat. It may take someone around you to send you to bed or order ice cream but it shouldn’t have to. Don’t get me wrong, it is really sweet to get a knock on your door and see your spouse/partner has ordered you your favorite food or anything to make you happy (they probably just did it to make you shut up though, they were getting tired of hearing you whine and bitch). With all that said, I can tell you that it will take practice but putting yourself out of your own misery is sometimes better than waiting for someone else to do it for you.

So, yes I was over-tired, and yes I was yelling but I at least went to sleep because I knew that was what was going to make me feel better. Now, what did you do?

Your Editor