Twisted

balance your giving and taking, it’ll make your life a happier place

Life is full of unexpected events.

Today was a good day but it was twisted. I was happy but sad. Enjoying myself but knew deep down I was suffering. It was twisted. I didn’t enjoy it very much but yet there were some moments I thought were precious: that FaceTime call, baking cookies with my little cousin, playing with my little sister, and feeling proud about my fruit tart :).

So why was it so twisted? Let me just tell you this: the world is filled with givers and takers, you can be either or, but very few people are both. When you are surrounded my takers your life can either feel completely empty or somewhat full. Meaning: if I give because I know you will appreciate that I am giving, my life becomes a somewhat full life but if I am giving knowing your taking will never end, my life has just become completely empty.  I give. Unconditionally, except when I am being used dry and then I just cannot take it anymore. You can’t blame me, I am tired of being used. But some people just don’t know their boundaries, you give and they want more, and more, and more, and oh did I mention that they want more? So you see today was a beautiful day because I just let it not get to me: the fact that people are taking everything out of me. It is not as horrible as it sounds when you read it but it is quiet a not so great feeling.

I love to bake so when I was asked my automatic response is: yes. But call me crazy, I was sort of expecting a “thank you,” or anything for that matter? I get it, you needed the cake and you didn’t have time to do it but then shouldn’t it mean so much more to you that I went and did it for you? Call me crazy (don’t worry, you wouldn’t be the first) but I was sort of expecting something.

Now you’re probably thinking well she’s probably not really a giver but a giver that is giving only to take and my reply to that thought is: no. I give without expecting in return. Then why did I expect something here? Well maybe it’s because this person has a tendency to be passive aggressive (Dr. Perry has a good post on the character traits of this type of person), she takes, takes, takes, and makes me very not happy. She doesn’t just take what I give her, she thinks everything is hers and she can take whatever she wants, whenever she wants WITHOUT ASKING! You don’t do that. After saying no soooo many times to her, you would think she would be at least somewhat appreciative when I said yes.

I am learning now, or trying to, to balance a giver and taker, because there is no reason in the world why you can’t be both. Saying thank you is just proper etiquette, not even expectations.

That was just five minutes of my day. The rest of it had some twisted moments but I am focusing on being positive, not with her though, I don’t need to try and convice myself that she’s changed when she probably never will.

Wish me luck, she’ll be here all weekend.

Your Editor

That family.

what you see may not be what it seems

You know those families where there’s a million people walking in and out of the house, half of them live there, and the other half consider it their home? I wouldn’t say exactly that is my family but along those lines.

The thing is there is just sooo many of us. I know I shouldn’t be talking because there are people that cannot have children and others that wish they could of had a sibling.  Sadly, when you grow up with one thing the other thing that you didn’t have just sounds so much better; the grass is always greener on the other side. 

So, like many of us we take out our fake happy self in order to deal with family. If it is because we can’t stand them, or they can’t appreciate us for us, or they always manage to make a fight out of everything, some of us find ourselves just creating a fake picture to present.  It is almost like meeting someone for the very first time… you’re not to open with them and everything about your life is just amazing and great.

That is just sad.

Because family is supposed to be the people you can lean on.  How is it that the people that formed us to who we are today have become the people we try and avoid? Even for good things; why can’t it be that you call your sister and not your best friend first?

There are of course people, or I should say families, that have mastered this ability to actually love everyone inside the family and somehow manage to get along with everyone as well. It takes talent but it also takes simple manners.

When it comes to my family, we all love each other, some more than others…. but to everyone else in the world we are that family. We are the family that looks perfect, acts perfect, does everything anyone needs perfectly, is an endless giving fountain, and a free room and board. It is great. Even if we do not like it, there are people there. Even if it means we are getting kicked out of our room, there are still people there.  Now, don’t get me wrong, it is nice… sometimes. It also teaches us a lot of lifelong qualities about how you should act to others less fortunate than you.

So, there is the good and the bad, like every family and it all really depends where you fall in line and how you choose to look at the whole situation (situation may be the wrong word because a situation usually has a start and an end, with family it never ends).

One thing I am beginning to learn more and more is that you really cannot change anyone and the greatest relief you will have is when you just stop trying to.

Your Editor

There’s always something that will annoy you

fight for what used to matter the most

No matter what, who, when, where, the person you’re in a relationship with will somehow find a way to annoy you. The common rumor about why people get divorced is because he always left the toilet seat up or he never put the top on the toothpaste. I know you’re probably thinking “wow that is petty,” but in the moment somehow it all makes sense. But really, there’s more to it.

If you genuinely are happy with someone then the toilet seat up or down, the toothpaste cap on or off wouldn’t make a difference. Now, don’t take that as me saying if you get annoyed at your other half you don’t love them. What I am trying to say is that there’s just more to it.

When you don’t actually like a person, everything they do will bother you. You may have once liked them enough to move in with them but for some reason you find everything they do lately, just bothers you. In which case you can take two routes: break up/divorce or try to fix it. Sadly, most people today are choosing the first option. Which makes me wonder: if a marriage you said your vows to or relationship you committed yourself to isn’t worth fighting for then what has the world come to? We fight for things we love. The American people fought for their land because they valued it. They wanted it. They couldn’t live without it. You obviously saw something in your partner to have got you to the point where you are today, yes people change but then again so do you. Why is it suddenly just okay to fall into this black pit of fighting and arguing over nonsense? Why is it okay to just go get a divorce because things just aren’t working out?

When you were a kid and you wanted something, say, to play an instrument or a sport, you worked for it, no? Maybe your parents paid, or maybe you had to do chores to pay for it, or work. Either way, in whatever situation I am sure something went wrong along the way. Could be your mom yelled at you for doing something wrong and threatened to not let you do what you so badly wanted to do. Or maybe while you were doing what you so desperately wanted, something went wrong: you broke your foot at the game. And in those moments you had a feeling where you just wanted to give up and maybe you got stuck in that feeling for a while but deep inside you, you were craving whatever it is you so badly wanted to do. Could be you didn’t even realize how badly you wanted to do it again, but it doesn’t matter. When you love something, you work for it. I love to bake, trust me when I say recipes flop, they flop. Sometimes they flop so bad that I just want to give up but at the end of the day baking is my happy place.

So it may be that he/she used to be your happy place but somehow you have found yourself trying to escape to other places because you just don’t want to deal with it. Well my advice to you is don’t let some dark, grey cloud consume you whole, at least try to fight. Get up in the morning, make a choice to do something different, to let the accident go, to control your voice and watch your words. What’s the worse that can happen? You’ll find yourself happy again.

Your Editor