Grounded for life

who isn’t 😉

I know, it sounds horrible.

But don’t worry, it’s not me I am talking about, it’s this really funny Tv show that Amazon Prime has. It has been one of the things that made me laugh this week. And I say this week because I legit finished three seasons in 5 days.

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If you have never heard of the show I will give you a quick summary:

A senior knocks up another senior and the right thing to do (back then at least) was to marry her, so he did. They have one girl (the bastard child) and two boys. The husband’s father and brother basically live in their home as well. Each episode is another scenario of them attempting to raise their kids the right way (whichever way that is).

My summary may sound bleak but I am telling you, definitely worth all the hours I have spent (no, I won’t say wasted).

Watching Grounded For Life does make me think about my own life. It puts you in your parents shoes and makes you wonder how many conversations they have had together discussing how they felt bad about something they did or how hard they are working to just give you what you want. It’s really hard to parent and it isn’t any easier when you have a parent on top of you trying to parent your parenting!

That’s a major reason why it’s important for newlyweds to start out somewhere else, give themselves a chance to make mistakes and learn from them. My theory is if you’re a nice enough person it will transfer over to your kids even if you screw up more than a couple of times. 😉

I only hope so that is.

I guess I’ll let you all know how it goes when I get there.

Your Editor

Balancing

learn to balance your need for protecting your child with their ability to grow into adults

I don’t know what it is about some parents but at some point they need to learn to cut the cord. You would think that once was a sign at childbirth but no. Maybe I don’t get it because I am not a parent but seriously?!

I get that you want to protect your kids and never want them to get harmed or lose their innocence, but sometimes, keeping them tied to your hip is more harmful than not.

Take a married child for example: they should not be at their parents home more than their own home. It affects their relationship with their spouse.

Some men are ‘mama’s boys’ and they are always crawling back home. This becomes a challenge for their partner/spouse because where do they fit in? I know someone who turns to their parents before their spouse. They view their spouse as…. nothing, to be honest with you I don’t even know how they got married. The spouse has no credibility, they both don’t listen to each other, and they barely spend time together. You may think I am talking about someone who has been married for 10 maybe 15 years…

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They have been married for almost two years. It wasn’t like they spent time dating either or knew each other for five years before they got married. Sadly, it looks like it. Now, I can’t say it’s all their fault, the in-laws aren’t much help either. Once your child is married you don’t get involved in the decisions they make as a couple. If they ask for advice, you can give them your opinion, but that is it!

I may look back on this post when I have my own kids one day and laugh at how crazy I sounded but I really do believe, right now that is, that there is only so much, and so long, that you can control your children.

On the flip side, the younger generations are of a different breed and they are primarily focused on their over-inflated egos, so if their parents are from a bit back, raising them and controlling them becomes a challenge.

Every kid needs a different level of control in order to help them grow into responsible adults. You can’t simply decide that because you can’t control what your child wants, and all they think about is themselves that you will just leave them alone to fend for themselves. No. Put your foot down, make them pay for their car, gas, and other desires that you do not agree with them having. Until they can meet you halfway, meaning say you have certain expectations of your child (which all parents should have because that is what will force your child to think outside their four feet) and your child has not met any of them, and I’m not talking about those parents who expect their child to do everything that when they were a kid, were unable to, I am talking about expecting your child to do their homework, help out in the house, wake up at a reasonable time etc., if your child can not do the bare minimum of your expectations, then don’t meet the bare minimum of their expectations. Depending on what home environment you come from or are building, their expectations will be different. If you have money, the child may expect that they are entitled to certain things, taking away those things will make them stop with the me, me, me, and actually think further than that moment of instant pleasure.

It is sad because it will take these kids late into their life, when possibly their parents are no longer around, to realize “wow, this attitude on life is completely self-absorbed and foolish.”

It is never too late, however, the time wasted can never be brought back. Control each kid the way they need it, in order to make them the best person they can be, not because you can’t bear to see your little baby grow up, you’re ruining them more than building them.

Your Editor

Sick days & life

it’s just a cold, headache, ear infection, and my period

Growing up in a big family doesn’t always allow you to stay in bed when you’re feeling under the weather, especially if you are one of the older ones. I am now able to make dinner, drive carpool, hold screaming babies, clean the house, and go to supermarket all while having a headache, ear infection (yes, I am one of those adults that get them), cold, and on my period. I guess you can look at it as my parents are doing everything they can to prepare me for raising my own kids.

Without having any kids of my own (yet) I will tell you this:

  • Start your newborns on a sleep schedule ASAP if you don’t want to be up all night with them
  • After 5 months they should not be sleeping in your bed at all
  • Start feeding your baby vegetables before fruits because once they like the sweetness of the fruits they won’t take to eating vegetables
  • Make sure your baby gets play time on the floor, you don’t want to have to always hold the child
  • Never give your child more than two shots at a time; their bodies generally cannot handle more of them, plus I have seen first hand what lifelong damages can be done to a child
  • When your child acts out never call them a “bad boy/girl” because that can cause emotional issues, rather say what you did was not good
  • If your child is crying for one thing and won’t shut up distract them with something else, they will move on within minutes
  • Sometimes you just have to let them scream their head off
  • Don’t yell at your kids not to scream because they are learning to yell from you… you just yelled at them to stop screaming
  • When you want to show your child that you are disappointed in them refrain from meeting eye contact and speak gently, it will teach them not to do it again more than getting angry and hitting them
  • Ask your kids questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” response, it will give you more insight on their day and emotions
  • Make it a point to hug your kids at least once a day, a meaningful hug
  • Never tell your kids that there are no monsters under their bed if they think there are, you will be sending off a message that their fears are invalid, instead make a point to show them that you did not find any monsters but even if there are, you will always protect them. You are now sending off a message that no matter what they are afraid of in life, you will be there to protect them
  • Teach your kids how to read the clock so when they wake up before you want them out of bed they won’t get up (FYI this actually works)

So, when my Fiance gets on the phone and tells me to get in bed because I am not feeling well I try my hardest not to laugh. However, yesterday he did force me into bed where I slept most of the afternoon away and when I woke up, boy did I feel so much better. Therefore, another bullet point I’d like to add to my list is:

  • When your kids aren’t feeling well or you aren’t feeling well, get into bed and let the other people in the house take care of whatever needs to be done, trust me the house won’t fall apart without you while you take a nap

No matter all of this, my mother’s voice will forever ring in my head “just wait till you have your own kids, you’ll see how not everything is so simple.”

I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Your Editor