Defining moments

only you are in control of who you become

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We are all humans, even if we try to pretend to not be.

There isn’t one person more perfect than the next. One may have better qualities than another, but to say that someone is better than someone else is false. We are the only ones that can tell us how good we are. We are the only ones that can limit our full potential. Everyone has a history, everyone has some defining moment in their life where if that wouldn’t have happened they would not be where they are today (good place or bad). We decide if we want those moments to define us.

You know when people go through situations such as abuse, rape, and things that someone does to them, we all can agree that we can’t blame the victim. However, there comes a certain point in a victim’s life where they begin acting as the victim, and that is where the victim decides how their life will go. No, you can’t blame a kid for being molested by an adult. Yes, the kid will do certain things in life because they have been messed with, that maybe other kids wouldn’t do. But when that kid becomes of an age where they can decide to play the victim card or stand up for themselves, that is when the real defining moment takes place. It isย howย they decide to use life experiences.

I would have never become who I am today without going through everything that I did, so in a way I needed those situations to happen to me. In the beginning, and still sometimes now, it’s SO much easier to play the victim card; you don’t have to try so hard to get anything. However, it wasn’t me. Let me explain: someone is born and their life is normal and as they grow up something bad happens in their life and for that time period they are someone who is a victim to something bad, but then that moment ends either ten minutes later or 5 years later, and that someone has a chance to try to be themselves again or someone better than themselves, but continuing to be the victim would mean that they are continuing whatever it is that was done to them. I know it sounds easy to say, and some may think what am I talking about but let me just say that I have been there, done that, and it is no place anyone wants to be.

Most victims don’t realize what was done to them, and in a way it is good and bad. For example, if someone never knew that they were molested they may never understand why they act and react a certain way. However, if that person knew they may be able to control certain scenarios in their life and work on themselves to not let what happened to them control their life. When I finally understood what I went through in life I felt bad for myself, I blamed things that others considered weird on it and didn’t own up to situations that I had full control of. I was letting my abuser control my life further. I was giving everything to him, and in a way, more than what he had actually taken. You see, when someone does something to another person it’s that moment or those years, but what happens after that is in their own hands. Yes, people can say that abused people can’t control themselves, and I agree as well as disagree. Everything that I am aware of I can control and that means so can anyone else. And that also means I can work on everything that I am aware of and that will make the things that I am unaware of either better or come out of hiding. I have it easy, I have someone in my life who knows me and when things don’t seem like myself he helps me realize what I am unaware of. Others may have to spend hours analyzing themselves and their actions to try to figure out what will trigger them and why they react a certain way. I am not saying that I do not do that, I just don’t do it to the extent that others may. However, one thing that I did realize is that I pitied myself and I used that pity to dig myself deeper into the pit I was thrown in. Once I realize I was hurting myself, in a way more than the abuser, I had to stop. It is one thing to have someone mess up your life, it is another thing to continue to ruin your own life. There is always tomorrow. There is always another moment, another chance, to correct, to fix, to grow, to learn, to love. If I stayed where I was consumed by hatred for what had happened to me, consumed by the disgust I felt, I would not be planning my wedding today to a healthy, stable young man.

Don’t let yourself actually become a victim. I know it sounds horrible to sayย move on but it really is one of the only ways to actually move on. You have to be ready to just put everything all behind you, who cares what happened, who cares why, who cares when. Now is the time to not let it define you, not let it become you. Yes, they did a horrible thing to you but you will do a more horrible thing to yourself by letting what they did actually become you.

Your Editor

 

A whole lot of thoughts

something captivating ๐Ÿ˜‰

I used to be able to go to sleep at 3 AM, wake up at 730 AM and be fine all day- tolerable, actually, I’m selling myself short, I was able to function just fine! However, the past year I have been training myself to go to bed somewhere between 10 PM and 12 AM. This past week I haven’t gone to bed before 12 AM and I am a complete mess. My eyes twitch (yes, that is because I am over-tired), I have very little energy, and I can barely keep my eyes open. Oh, and I am consuming abnormally large consumptions of food. It’s not fun; I gained 12 lbs. already, don’t ask me how.

That’s another thing: I never stress ate in my life. When I was stressed I wouldn’t be able to eat for days, I’d have to force myself to swallow and not throw up. So, I guess you can say now I’m a healthy normal person ๐Ÿ™‚ .

When I started blogging my better half had me get some books to help me figure my way around WordPress. One of the things I read was that it is important to post during the time frame that your users are active. At first I played around with different timings, trying to figure out when people were checking out my site etc. but I couldn’t and still can’t figure out when the best time to post is. A lot of sites I follow have their posts go up at 6 AM or 7 AM, but to me I don’t feel that it’s a good time and I’ll explain why: the first thing people do in the morning is check their phone, their texts, their emails, they skim through everything and don’t really give it much attention, unless something catches their eye. If my post isn’t captivating enough just by the title then they are most likely to just skim right over it and most probably forget about it and maybe a couple of days later when they are bored and flipping through their followed sites, they’ll see my post. That being the case, the late afternoon, early evenings seems like a reasonable time to post. However, I often schedule post and they are supposed to go up automatically, but for some reason they don’t. I am not always able to have a computer on me that I can just open and post it myself; it gets frustrating sometimes and blogging isn’t supposed to be, it’s a way for me to distress. Maybe as I get better in the blogging world I will find new tricks and figure out what time people are interested in reading my post. For now, I realize that when the weekends come I generally have a hard time posting. That being the case, I will just post when I can and hope people will continue to be interested in the randomness of me (if that makes any sense at all).

Another random thought: Organizing!

I don’t know what it is about emptying a whole bunch of filled cabinets and putting everything back in an organized way, but it is so therapeutic. If you haven’t tried it, I HIGHLY suggest it. You will feel better about yourself because:

  1. You’re not around a constant mess
  2. You have just accomplished something and who doesn’t feel proud after they accomplish something time-consuming
  3. You will know where everything is and trust me, that is one satisfying feeling

Tip: take a before and after picture, it will increase your satisfaction!

With all that said or more like typed, my head is bursting from trying to think too much.

Have a great weekend! (because I highly doubt I will have time to blog:( )

Your Editor

 

 

Some thoughts from my weekend

there is always time for vacation

I apologize for not writing this past weekend, I have been traveling.

My trip was nice but filled with mixed emotions. Overall, I had a wonderful time with my better half. We learned the traveling system together and just rode the busses enjoying each other’s company. When you haven’t seen each other in so long, the simplest things are enough to be doing. I didn’t need no crazy activities to enjoy my time with him. We sat at a really nice hotel and people watched. It was fun and just the best way to spend the little time we had together. Sitting, enjoying each other’s company, being able to be so close that I can wrap my hands around him and take a deep breath and only smell his smell. It’s something about being able to just turn around and tell by his facial expression that he understood what I said.

I’m going to miss that. A lot.

Who knows when I will see him next… but my birthday is coming up so at least I have an idea of how long ๐Ÿ˜‰

I must say though… with the wedding coming up it is going to be quiet exciting and different to actually be living together! It will be a new place for me, so I will need to find a new job. What is exciting though, is they have more culinary opportunities where we will live, so I might just be able to fulfill some of my dream one day ๐Ÿ™‚

I am excited about apartment shopping and decorating the tiny place. It will take time to get used to cooking for two as opposed to 15 ๐Ÿ˜‰

My amazing interior design friend will most probably help decorating because I have no taste when it comes to that, my Pinterest board is proof of that!

Since the wedding is in the summer, I chose pastel colors for the bridesmaids and the overall color scheme. I can’t wait! It will be GORGEOUS!!

Other than that, I am getting back into work and studying… trust me, nothing fun about it. I got to get back to all the things I left undone before my little vacation.

Have a great one!

Your Editor