Twisted

balance your giving and taking, it’ll make your life a happier place

Life is full of unexpected events.

Today was a good day but it was twisted. I was happy but sad. Enjoying myself but knew deep down I was suffering. It was twisted. I didn’t enjoy it very much but yet there were some moments I thought were precious: that FaceTime call, baking cookies with my little cousin, playing with my little sister, and feeling proud about my fruit tart :).

So why was it so twisted? Let me just tell you this: the world is filled with givers and takers, you can be either or, but very few people are both. When you are surrounded my takers your life can either feel completely empty or somewhat full. Meaning: if I give because I know you will appreciate that I am giving, my life becomes a somewhat full life but if I am giving knowing your taking will never end, my life has just become completely empty.  I give. Unconditionally, except when I am being used dry and then I just cannot take it anymore. You can’t blame me, I am tired of being used. But some people just don’t know their boundaries, you give and they want more, and more, and more, and oh did I mention that they want more? So you see today was a beautiful day because I just let it not get to me: the fact that people are taking everything out of me. It is not as horrible as it sounds when you read it but it is quiet a not so great feeling.

I love to bake so when I was asked my automatic response is: yes. But call me crazy, I was sort of expecting a “thank you,” or anything for that matter? I get it, you needed the cake and you didn’t have time to do it but then shouldn’t it mean so much more to you that I went and did it for you? Call me crazy (don’t worry, you wouldn’t be the first) but I was sort of expecting something.

Now you’re probably thinking well she’s probably not really a giver but a giver that is giving only to take and my reply to that thought is: no. I give without expecting in return. Then why did I expect something here? Well maybe it’s because this person has a tendency to be passive aggressive (Dr. Perry has a good post on the character traits of this type of person), she takes, takes, takes, and makes me very not happy. She doesn’t just take what I give her, she thinks everything is hers and she can take whatever she wants, whenever she wants WITHOUT ASKING! You don’t do that. After saying no soooo many times to her, you would think she would be at least somewhat appreciative when I said yes.

I am learning now, or trying to, to balance a giver and taker, because there is no reason in the world why you can’t be both. Saying thank you is just proper etiquette, not even expectations.

That was just five minutes of my day. The rest of it had some twisted moments but I am focusing on being positive, not with her though, I don’t need to try and convice myself that she’s changed when she probably never will.

Wish me luck, she’ll be here all weekend.

Your Editor

Respect

just take a minute and be respectful

I was asked to speak about the topic of respect to a bunch of teenage girls and I sat down to think and this is what I came up with:

We all know what it means, it is how we include it in our life that makes the word actually mean something.  First thing first, you need to respect yourself. You need to respect the things you have from your pair of shoes to your expensive laptop.  Respecting your things depending on the dollar value isn’t the right way to respect. You have to realize that dressing a certain way, acting a certain way, going to certain places all show yourself and others the level at which you respect yourself.  Do you respect yourself not to drug yourself up? Or throw yourself at the opposite sex the first chance you get? You decide how much you respect yourself, and I’ll tell you if it is anything less than 100% you need to change the people you’re around, you need to figure out what is stopping you from respecting yourself 100%. Most of the time it is because of people you surround yourself with, and although you may not like to hear that, it is the truth.

The next part of respect is respecting how other people want to be respected.  I would not say just respect other people because you can say you’re respecting them but to them you are doing something that they do not appreciate.  There is a famous saying that goes: “don’t treat others the way you do not want to be treated,” but when it comes to respect it is not about you, it is about how they want to be respected and only that is true respect.

United States Air Force Lt. General John Silveria gave a great speech on respect.  There are so many levels of respect, I started with respecting yourself and then others, he spoke about respecting others race and identity, which is part of respecting another person but in a different form.  During our daily activity we encounter scenarios that entail respecting one’s property, feelings, and personal space. When you live with someone, family, spouse, partner, or a friend, there are different areas that you are faced with where you need to respect what the people living with you need.  For example, are you respectful to not talk loud on the phone if they are studying? Do you leave your plate in the sink for the next person to do, not thinking about if it will affect them?

All you have to do is think a little bit outside your selfish bubble for a millisecond and make a choice that can make someone feel valued.

Your Editor