The positive theory

Not so much a theory as a new idea that has yet to be fully developed. But- I sort of had to snap out of being so snappy (pun πŸ™ƒ) so I took a look at what was making me bonkers:

I found that I was not communicating my emotions as much and instead was keeping things bottled up and I was not very happy. I also noticed that when I did not have a busy or structured day it made me a bit wired and on edge (it also gave me time to concentrate on the negative things). For example, being busy gave me the ability to forget the nervs in my stomach. I did not concentrate on hum much this pill affects my body. However, I did take notice that when I did not let myself think that the pill was in control of me, I gave myself the ability to be in control of the pill, which is just already a start in controlling your life and feeling more focused.

Taking all of the above into my list of fuzes made it much easier to figure out how to stay happy. No more not knowing tomorrow’s schedule or waiting around for people to decide when and what to do. Having things organized keeps my head and body in the same spot and just gives me a sense of direction. That being taken care of I moved on to the next issue: communication. I always struggles with communicating, especially after being in an abusive relationship. Just today I watched a seven year old perfectly communicate over to his mother how something someone told him hurt his feelings and caused him to be upset for a few minutes. He used many things to describe his pain and what caused it and the scenario. I was amazed, one because I could only now do that and I barely come close to that and two because his mother responded with such affection and love that the boy felt secure telling over his feelings and did not feel as though he could not say them. I may have been deprived of that in my life but I certainly see and am learning what it takes to properly communicate how and what I am feeling and to also listen to what someone complaining has to say and to make them feel secure to tell me. It takes a lot of effort and is not very easy but the results are worth it. So part of me being able to communicate better will mean that I better organize my day so that I have time to discuss and actually think about how I feel. This also will allow me to get a decent nights sleep, which I have not been getting but need very badly.

All that being said I hope to try and continue to be in control of my life, feelings, words, and most importantly, actions. I think I finally have my head on straight and can take this on with a smile and love. ☺️

Your Editor

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What do you say

You just have to do what is best for yourself

Doctors, doctors, and more doctors. I don’t think in all my life I’ve been to so many doctors. Even when I kept collapsing and no one knew why. I am sick yet again. Don’t ask with what or how on earth but I am. And I am failing to remain positive. For that past five months I have been sick 20 out of the 30 days there are in a month. Why? I don’t know. But by now I know That I am allergic to half the antibiotics I have been put on, the strep shot kills. Like hell. Going in it was fine but the after effect had me on the floor, passed out.

Apparently when one has fever you are not supposed to cover them up in blankets to keep them warm because the heat gets trapped around them and causes the fever to stay up. I have gone from freezing to physically sweating in a matter of minutes. And this isn’t even a bad thing, I feel physically pained for those people sick with big diseases. I don’t know how they manage to get up, stay positive, and face another day. I’m being dramatic, I have my moments. But sometimes- when people around me are giving me a hard time- I can’t handle anything and everything is worse off than it is.

It’s pouring here and I just want to go outside and get soaked, sit under the beat of the rain and have my illnesses get washed away.

I’m cancelling my exam, the one I fought so hard to get. I can’t manage it between surgery and not feeling well. My study time is being slept away because I have no energy to get through the material I need to cover. It pains me. But my health comes first. I am not going to try and fight it any more. I possibly could have done it if my family would have respected my study time, and not continuously gave me the role of mother.

Something positive though, because life should never be so negative, my better half has gone above and beyond to make me happy, comfortable, and make sure I am putting myself first. It’s awfully romantic.

I guess that’s just how I have to look at all of this: some good, some bad, and make the good weigh more because it should.

To health 🍾

Your Editor

A whole lot of thoughts

something captivating πŸ˜‰

I used to be able to go to sleep at 3 AM, wake up at 730 AM and be fine all day- tolerable, actually, I’m selling myself short, I was able to function just fine! However, the past year I have been training myself to go to bed somewhere between 10 PM and 12 AM. This past week I haven’t gone to bed before 12 AM and I am a complete mess. My eyes twitch (yes, that is because I am over-tired), I have very little energy, and I can barely keep my eyes open. Oh, and I am consuming abnormally large consumptions of food. It’s not fun; I gained 12 lbs. already, don’t ask me how.

That’s another thing: I never stress ate in my life. When I was stressed I wouldn’t be able to eat for days, I’d have to force myself to swallow and not throw up. So, I guess you can say now I’m a healthy normal person πŸ™‚ .

When I started blogging my better half had me get some books to help me figure my way around WordPress. One of the things I read was that it is important to post during the time frame that your users are active. At first I played around with different timings, trying to figure out when people were checking out my site etc. but I couldn’t and still can’t figure out when the best time to post is. A lot of sites I follow have their posts go up at 6 AM or 7 AM, but to me I don’t feel that it’s a good time and I’ll explain why: the first thing people do in the morning is check their phone, their texts, their emails, they skim through everything and don’t really give it much attention, unless something catches their eye. If my post isn’t captivating enough just by the title then they are most likely to just skim right over it and most probably forget about it and maybe a couple of days later when they are bored and flipping through their followed sites, they’ll see my post. That being the case, the late afternoon, early evenings seems like a reasonable time to post. However, I often schedule post and they are supposed to go up automatically, but for some reason they don’t. I am not always able to have a computer on me that I can just open and post it myself; it gets frustrating sometimes and blogging isn’t supposed to be, it’s a way for me to distress. Maybe as I get better in the blogging world I will find new tricks and figure out what time people are interested in reading my post. For now, I realize that when the weekends come I generally have a hard time posting. That being the case, I will just post when I can and hope people will continue to be interested in the randomness of me (if that makes any sense at all).

Another random thought: Organizing!

I don’t know what it is about emptying a whole bunch of filled cabinets and putting everything back in an organized way, but it is so therapeutic. If you haven’t tried it, I HIGHLY suggest it. You will feel better about yourself because:

  1. You’re not around a constant mess
  2. You have just accomplished something and who doesn’t feel proud after they accomplish something time-consuming
  3. You will know where everything is and trust me, that is one satisfying feeling

Tip: take a before and after picture, it will increase your satisfaction!

With all that said or more like typed, my head is bursting from trying to think too much.

Have a great weekend! (because I highly doubt I will have time to blog:( )

Your Editor