The city life

Ever wonder who the people hustling and bustling in New York city are? You see them rushing back and forth, throngs of people, from every walk of life. I always watched and thought how cool it is to have a life so determined, focused, and on point. Of course, not everyone in the City has that mindset but their hurried footsteps, phone conversations all sound of great importance. Everyone all dressed up, heels, suites; it’s a perfect scene.

Turns out there is a lot going on under ground. No, literally, there are the subways, a million flights down. But it is more than that, I know because I have become one. Every day it is a rush to get to the right stop, hope to find a seat and by hope I mean you have to be really quick or else you will be standing for 45 minutes. It is a constant struggle to give up your seat for someone older because who are you to sit while they tower over you with their cane and all. On the other hand, it is really heavy to carry those fancy purses. So I hustle and bustle like the rest of the pack of people I have been squashed onto a bus with. All that body odor and skin touching takes time to get used to. There are many who’s eyes shut instantly, mine are scanning for the odd ones, making sure I am safe. Some days it takes me an hour some days 40 minutes, I am doing my best but at the mercy of transportation, so are all of us here in the City. You may have thought the life under the famous tourist streets were smooth and peaceful because the streets were very much the opposite, you are mistaken though, the life is a ground of red, blue, green lines mixed all together yet somehow there is a flow.

It just shows how much more there is than meets the eye. The heels, the suites, there is more to it, a lot more.

Your Editor

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The Jew and the German

who you trust

The world has gone through many stages in its existence. There have been troubling times and their have been happy times. The era of Nazi Germany has left marks on people till this day. For some it is the mark on their hand, for others a mark on their soul of all the family they have lost. Ever since then, the Jew and the German have walked on two separate paths. Rarely do you see an interaction, and when there is one, it is always very hesitant. There is a matter of trust strangers have with each other but for a Jew and a German there is no trust.

It would be very odd then to see two Jews helping two Germans. One could say the Jews were not aware of the others identity, however, that would end when the question of “where are you from?” came up. And it did. Although the Jew tried extra hard to cover up the emotion of distrust that ran across her face, it was felt. It is hard for one to not feel the hesitation between two sects of people. Would you blame the Jew?

They helped the Germans. They took the time to make sure they were going in the right direction and had all the information they needed, but why? Why would someone whose ancestors were brutally victimized even stop for a moment to help the people whose parents could have very well been the same people who tortured and killed six million people?

A Jew is someone who knows that everything is in the hands of God. That means the reward and punishment of man falls on God to decide. Were the Jews able to put aside their instinct of distrust and hate to help the Germans? They did it with a smile. They laughed, tried to make conversation, and even complimented the German. What would you call that if not trust? One would say that the Jews didn’t honor their identity and trusted the Germans but that would be false because a Jew in its blood knows that there is only trust in God. So the Jews were able to talk and laugh because they knew they were doing the right thing by helping two lost people, where those people came from was entirely in the hands of God.

Your Editor

Hello again :)

Boy has a lot happened, hence the obvious lack of posting. There have been a few deaths in the family which have been very emotionally draining and difficult. Living away has made traveling a constant event that sometimes is not too much fun. At the end of the day we all do what needs to be done. Family is there through thick and thin and losing people causes you to realize what and who your family is all about. Yes, we all have our differences but family is family and mine is special. It might even be the disagreements that make us, us, it doesn’t matter- life is only so long, and cherishing the time we have together while we still can is important.

On a bit of a happier note- I took the CPA exam! I know right?! It has been forever (maybe more than 6 months!) but at last I sat on the booth, put those headphones on to block out the noise and did it- with 30 minutes to spare no less!! I hope I passed. I will be in the process of taking the next one and I am pretty sure it won’t take as long as the first one! I haven’t gotten the scores back yet but I am anxiously awaiting. Let me just tell you that the week leading up to the exam made me 10 lbs heavier. I never stress ate so much in my life. My husband laughed at me because I put these really small chocolate chips on a napkin next to me and every time I got a question right (which wasn’t so frequent) I would treat myself to ONE chocolate chip. It was pure torture. But boy, the second I walked out of the test did I feel my shoulders unload a really heavy load. I felt like I can breath again. Also, the exam is more nerves than anything else. It is not knowing what questions you will get, how easy the process to check into the exam is, and a whole bunch of other things. Doing it once really put the process into perspective, because no matter how much you read about it there is nothing like going through it yourself. Boy am I happy that the test is behind me!

Marriage is awesome. It is work but it is good work. It makes you do a lot of introspection and learn how to properly communicate. It is a healthy process, or at least it is for me. It feels as though I am not married, it feels as though it is to good to be true. I look at my husband sometimes and I just am amazed that wow he is actually my husband! It is a funny feeling. It makes me warm inside because he loves me so much, takes such good care of me, and makes me so supper happy. Plus he is handsome so it works πŸ™‚ it is pleasant waking up to a pretty face.

I am getting on a plane now so that is all I can type out for now. I hope to get back onto my daily posting schedule. Thank you!

Your Editor

The Cafe Lady

who would have thought

Well what do you know, people sitting next to you really do get a kick out of your telephone conversations! Before I tell you the story I want to tell you another story. I was on the bus the other day and the girl sitting next to me, must have been around 16-19 years old, was writing out a text message of some form. Curious as I was and with nowhere else to look, I casually looked down and a little to the side and had a great view of everything she was typing. “I am supposed to sit at home and wait for my father to pass out then call the police,”… “The deposition just is a bunch of lawyers saying things I can never understand,” my heart broke. Who knows where this girl was headed to, what she had to deal with but just sitting beside her made me want to reach out and comfort her. As young as she was, dealing with who knows what, makes you realize sitting beside people from all ends of the earth is… there is just no words for it.

Today, I had a couple of words of my own, and so did she. We were sitting at a lovely cafe, kids playing, beautiful atmosphere, one of those places that just make you happy. There was a skinny, short curly-haired lady sitting directly across from us. From when we got there till she left we did not have any interaction except one. She mumbled something to herself, picked up the phone, and boy, what a mouth she had! Every other word was a curse word. “I’m Hungry and I can’t F****** leave here because then I will be expected to clean and cook for a F****** grown adult. I can’t handle this it’s breaking my F****** balls. I just want to go home and sit with my S**** and my own food and not have to listen to this F****** shrieking anymore.” It went on for a bit longer than that. My Husband and I took one look at each other, raised our eyebrows, and were very happy when she hung up, though it was quite amusing. She was overheating, most likely because she was hangry, but boy did she want to go home. Five minutes after her cursing fiasco, she gives me a smile and in the nicest voice ever, as if we did not hear her whole list of profanities, asks me to unplug her computer charger. This brought to mind the idea of how a person can treat a total stranger with the utmost respect and a person they actually know with complete and utter disgust.

It is like we have this idea in our mind that we need to be nice to those we do not know and being mean to those we do, is normal. Well, it should not be. Why should we care about what a total stranger thinks of us? They most likely will never see us again. It is a scary thought because you can be so angry at someone you know and the minute you bump into someone not as known a mask falls over your face and you are this brand new human that hasn’t a care in the world. This lady was angry. She was pissed. She was hungry, why couldn’t she express any of that in her tone when she turned to me? Just because one doesn’t know someone doesn’t mean that one cannot express an emotion that is strong. It is like we are all expected to be perfect and because of that everyone has a fear of what people will say and think, so they are quick to hide any sign of imperfection. If only we could have that feeling with the people we are most comfortable with, the world would be a whole lot better of a place.Β 

Plenty people are divorcing, separating, breaking-up, losing friends and family relationships all because they are too comfortable and forget that those closest to them still deserve respect. It is challenging because when you spend day in and day out with people you grow accustomed to being around them and forget that they still deserve a thank you and just because you are upset about your day doesn’t mean they deserve the lashing for it. It takes a person to constantly work on themselves to continue to make sure their relationships stay new and fresh. If you think back to the first time you met the person you are in a relationship with, most of the time it was a positive scenario and stayed positive until one person in the relationship got too comfortable and stopped thinking about the other person and instead only about themselves. It happens to everyone but being aware of it, makes you one less person part of the ‘people pleasing population.’

Your Editor

Back from seventh heaven

Hey ya’ll!

Boy does time fly. The wedding came and went so fast. I keep looking at pictures trying to make it sink in, that this actually happened, I am actually a MRS! It is a crazy feeling. Also pretty crazy that it has not hit me! It was beautiful. A night filled with smiles, love, family, friends, and a handsome man to go home with. Mind you all, our ride home was ONE OF A KIND! Not the typical limo. My Husband (AHH!) arranged to get the car of my dream, 1960 Bentley! I was shocked! He completely surprised me, and that was the best part. He knew what I wanted and I did not even realize it!! It made the whole night! We danced our hearts out and left holding each other as one.

Everyone has high expectations of the first night. We came back and I was bent over trying not to throw up, it was comforting knowing my Husband (it won’t ever get old saying it ;)) put me first and made sure I got what I needed to feel better.

Marriage is what you make it. Everyone can tell you what it will and won’t be but at the end of the day your attitude is what will get you the furthest. Things get challenging but a smile and a bit of compromising never killed anyone and actually can get you further than you think. With that in mind, today is a brand new day filled with endless giving, devotion, love, and putting each other first. Take a minute and tell your partner you love them. Reflect on why you chose them to be in your life and you will suddenly be filled with a whole lot of love πŸ™‚

Till next time 😘

Your Editor

The positive theory

Not so much a theory as a new idea that has yet to be fully developed. But- I sort of had to snap out of being so snappy (pun πŸ™ƒ) so I took a look at what was making me bonkers:

I found that I was not communicating my emotions as much and instead was keeping things bottled up and I was not very happy. I also noticed that when I did not have a busy or structured day it made me a bit wired and on edge (it also gave me time to concentrate on the negative things). For example, being busy gave me the ability to forget the nervs in my stomach. I did not concentrate on hum much this pill affects my body. However, I did take notice that when I did not let myself think that the pill was in control of me, I gave myself the ability to be in control of the pill, which is just already a start in controlling your life and feeling more focused.

Taking all of the above into my list of fuzes made it much easier to figure out how to stay happy. No more not knowing tomorrow’s schedule or waiting around for people to decide when and what to do. Having things organized keeps my head and body in the same spot and just gives me a sense of direction. That being taken care of I moved on to the next issue: communication. I always struggles with communicating, especially after being in an abusive relationship. Just today I watched a seven year old perfectly communicate over to his mother how something someone told him hurt his feelings and caused him to be upset for a few minutes. He used many things to describe his pain and what caused it and the scenario. I was amazed, one because I could only now do that and I barely come close to that and two because his mother responded with such affection and love that the boy felt secure telling over his feelings and did not feel as though he could not say them. I may have been deprived of that in my life but I certainly see and am learning what it takes to properly communicate how and what I am feeling and to also listen to what someone complaining has to say and to make them feel secure to tell me. It takes a lot of effort and is not very easy but the results are worth it. So part of me being able to communicate better will mean that I better organize my day so that I have time to discuss and actually think about how I feel. This also will allow me to get a decent nights sleep, which I have not been getting but need very badly.

All that being said I hope to try and continue to be in control of my life, feelings, words, and most importantly, actions. I think I finally have my head on straight and can take this on with a smile and love. ☺️

Your Editor

Stressful me

I am trying to control it

I have been a stressed out mess lately. Snapping left and right, hangry, impatient, rude and not very pleasant. I must admit that it is probably not very comforting for the man I am about to marry, especially since he is getting the brunt of it. There are days I can only manage to calm down by the time we are heading to bed. There are times where he just leaves me alone because he knows space is the only thing that will calm me. It is not his fault I am angry or stressed.

It is just this pill I am on leaves me in knots in my stomach. I feel as though I am running on empty, impatiently waiting something yetI do not know what. Or maybe I do, I am waiting for our day to arrive, to be distracted from this agonizing pain, from running to the bathroom on spur of the moment because I cannot stomach the contents in me any longer. It is difficult to sleep last night because my stomach has released a large amount of nervous causing my body to not stop working even for a nights rest. An interrupted sleep is not fun.

I start every day with the ambition to control my organs and ignore the anxiety bubbling inside me. It lasts quite well, until someone says the slightest thing to throw me off and within seconds I am very annoyed and thrown off the balance I was trying to maintain. It is not many people’s fault, I think as though they may not realize what is going on inside me. There is a lot to get done still and we are just a few weeks away. I know all will be gorgeous and I will care less of the faults overtime but for someone who is a tad bit controlling and likes to get things done, this wait is certainly adding to my craziness.

These days will soon be gone and I will be disappointed in myself for the attitude I had. This time is supposed to be one of excitement and filled with love and I am deterring that. He loves me dearly though, continues to fight to make me smile and see happiness in it all; it is romantic, it is special. It is disappointing that my reaction is out of control. I seem to have lost the ability to keep my mouth shut and sift through the words before letting them out. I now understand snappy mothers: birth control does dreadful things to people.

We’ll manage it somehow, one day, or find something else to work its magic in its place. There is no fun in being angry and stressed all the time, no fun at all.

Your Editor