It’s only been a day

….And I am as pissed as can be.

There is something in this world called RESPECT, that some people just do NOT know exist. Respect to them is whatever is convenient for them.

I’m angry and frustrated. Seems like lately my post have been more complaining than actual help or advice, which would make the lack of views understandable.

I am trying to remember why I started blogging, it’s only been roughly 3.5 months and it has become a list on my to do list. I don’t like that. I should want to blog, and I do, if I wasn’t stressed out, upset, had a million other things that take priority to everyone else yet somehow fall on my shoulders. A friend of mine told me that usually it’s hard for people to transition into marriage but I can probably do it blindfolded. Sounds great for my ego, but I don’t want to be burnt out. I have a friend that was in charge of the laundry in her house growing up, till this day (she’s married with 6 kids) she does not touch an article of laundry. She will not do it. She hires a cleaning lady.

That reminds me of another thing: I grew up calling the household help a maid, however, my better half finds it demoralizing (I think that’s the right word?) and insist on calling her a cleaning lady. I find it sweet of him, how he has the utmost respect for people in all positions. He genuinely cares and to tie this into the top of this blog post, he respects people the way they want to be respected. Since no one knows who I am I can say this: he’s told me in confidence that one day when he becomes wealthy he’s going to spend a night on the streets. Don’t ask me where this idea came into his head, I find it completely outrageous and unusual. But for some reason it’s his thing. So is opening a soup kitchen. That dream I can agree with and I’ll gladly join in.

It’s funny because you don’t expect him to have as big of a heart as he does. He rarely smiles to others and exudes tremendous amount of confidence. Most people within five minutes of meeting him have told him he’s going to be very successful one day. I know that if he sets his heart and mind to something it will turn out amazing. My proof is that he set his heart and mind to our relationship and I see it constantly. With the crazy family that I come from, he as never left, and he has been threatened by both my parents. Despite that, the lack of joyous expression and engagement towards him, the way my siblings treat me and other various external situations he still remains here. To take it one step further, I am not the easiest girl to deal with. I have had my fair share of craziness, addictions, abusive boyfriends, yet somehow he has walked beside me and helped me slowly come around in the span of three years to a whole new being, to no more addictions, to no more self-harm, to no more low self-esteem and self-hatred. It takes a lot.

I heard something interesting the other day: there was a discussion on whether or not entering a relationship with someone who has never been in one is a good idea. My initial thought was no, why would it be? But then I took a minute and reminded myself of the old me and the beginning of my new relationship. When someone is in an unhealthy relationship it affects them and carries through to other relationships in their life. When I first started seeing my better half I could not communicate for the life of me, I thought only about his needs, I threw myself at him whenever he asked and even if he didn’t ask I would just completely destroy myself to do anything and everything for him. Obviously, I didn’t realize what I was doing, I was too used to being used and abused to realize it. But my better half did. And he didn’t let me throw myself at him, he gave me a voice and a chance to speak my mind and give an opinion. To express my feelings, to feel like a human. Not being in a relationship ever is, in my eyes, better than being in a bad relationship. If you’re faced with a choice of whom to go out with I would say the person that has never been in a relationship. Yes, it comes with challenges, but at least you don’t have to spend the beginning of your relationship correcting all the damages that the previous person did. It’s a tough position to be in, and sometimes you don’t realize your relationship was poison, you just have to hope that the next one that comes has a big enough heart to treat you right and to help you gain the respect that you deserve.

I don’t know what I have done in my life to have deserved such a person. I am forever grateful.

Your Editor

Flowers

Know what your kids need to hear

It took me a long time to get over flower and beach pictures. Why? because every single doctors office has flowers hanging on the walls. I hate looking at something so calm when I am freaking out inside. Pictures of the beach make me cringe. I was about 10 years old I think when I had my first physical at the doctor’s office. My Mother sat in the room playing with her baby as if completely oblivious to what was going on, and I went completely still as the Doctor stuck her hand in my underwear.  I will never not be grossed out of hearing “relax, close your eyes, think of the beach and the waves.” I will never picture the beach again. I was really angry at my mother for letting the doctor do that. It freaked me out. She gave me no warning whatsoever about what she was about to do! Like, hello?! Tell me you’re about to look at my vagina! After that appointment I remember the drive home where my mother said, “you can’t be so uptight around your doctor.” I didn’t respond, I was still very much freaked out how she could just sit there bouncing her kid on her lap and making him laugh as this Doctor checked me.

Obviously, this is just a normal thing, everyone gets a physical, but they also know they are getting a physical. They don’t just feel so violated like that.

I found it funny how now when I go to the doctor’s office I am so open, I strip before they even tell me I need to. I totally do not care. I find myself staring at the flower picture and trying not to get aggravated at them. I noticed that my blog posts pictures are filled with pictures of flowers. I guess it just reminds me of how everything can look so pretty and yet be a huge mess and no one would be the wiser.

It’s weird. It’s uncomfortable. Don’t put your kids through it.

But that wasn’t the point I was trying to make. What I am trying to say is that just like I can’t be so uptight with my doctor, you can’t be so uptight with your kids. There was a picture going around of Kim Kardashian topless and the photographer of the photo was her 4-year-old daughter. Some people can take that to mean Kim was trying to teach her daughter confidence (I find it completely weird, but maybe that is just because I didn’t grow up like that). There are always people you know that have that relationship with their mother/sister where they pee together, see each other naked. I am not talking about that end of the spectrum, I am simple talking about communicating with your daughter about her body. Not making her feel weird about it. Puberty age is challenging for everyone, it is awkward, don’t make it any more awkward than it needs to be. Don’t ignore what needs to be done. Don’t push-off those conversations. Being able to talk about those things with your mother will actually make the situation easier.

You’re probably thinking: obviously. But if it really was so obvious then why are kids still turning to the Internet, their friends, guys? It can really mess your kids up.

Your Editor