Who said it has to make sense?

Well it doesn’t 🙃

It’s interesting how the older you get you understand more about people and sometimes you just wish you could have stayed young forever.

I am referring to characteristics of a person. For example, I notice that one of my friends is more of a last minute kind of person and it shows in everything. Obviously, you’re probably thinking – duh. The older you get, the more you understand, the more you realize, the more things annoy you. But there’s just something really annoying about understanding why people act and do certain things.

I would personally think that when something exciting happens peoples lazy character traits would drop. I am wrong. Once lazy, always lazy. Or how about the person that rushes. Always, always rushing, you’ll notice it in the way they talk.

Okay enough about all this randomness- what I am really trying to get at is: I dislike how when someone who is more of a get it done kind of person gets held up by someone who procrastinates. I guess it makes sense though because everyone is selfish so if it’s not for them, why work crazy hard or do something out of their nature, like, get it done.

I have my lists, I have all my ideas of what and how I want things done. Why does it have to be held up? I wish I can handle it all myself but when it’s not up to me, I don’t have much option.

So moral of this really pressured post, that makes minimal to no sense at all: don’t let the way people are bother you because you can’t change them.

Your Editor

Did I ask your opinion?

I think not.

Life, life, life, and more life. Please tell me when do all these decisions end?

1. I am tired of making them

2. I am tired of people making me take their opinion as my own

3. It’s my life so shouldn’t it be my decision?

I have learned many things as a result of being a part of a big family and one of those things is when everyone has an opinion they will most likely consider theirs as the right one and therefore convince you, manipulate you, and do whatever it takes for you to take their opinion as your own.

I have also learned that following those opinions that are not your own will most likely mean you will regret them and the majority of the time it will be too late to change them.

So a note to myself and a note to all of you with bossy siblings or meddling parents: do your best and never not put your foot down when you know what you want. And even if you don’t know what you want but you know what you don’t want, then hold your ground because you will regret it (and that’s not just advice for all of you but me too).

Life has been so super busy that things are finally settling down and I feel as though there is a list of things I need to get done and I have no idea what is on that list.

I will apologize though for the lack of blog post. I really do miss it, so don’t take it as though I have moved on to the next hobby.

I am falling asleep now so hopefully, I will be back tomorrow with more on my exciting life. And for all of you who missed the sarcasm there, take note of it.

Your Editor

What a week!

and to think it’s only Wednesday…

I won’t start this off apologizing for not writing in almost a week because it was not like I had a minute. Between traveling and getting ready for the holidays and dealing with family, there has been absolutely no time. I have been going to sleep so late that I wake up in the morning dreading getting up. Some days I can’t seem to get out of bed till 9:25 and that’s only because I have to be at work at 9:30. Thankfully, I live five minutes away. However, with my other siblings in town there has been a shortage of cars so I am dependent on someone driving me to work and let me just tell you that they are never around when you need them. Most days this week I didn’t make it in before 10. As if this all wasn’t enough… I somehow got some breast infection. When I say it’s painful, it’s painful. I generally have a high tolerance for pain but oh my God my boob kills. They have been hurting for a while so I ignored it. But when I felt some sort of ball on it, I freaked out. Good that I freaked out because when I walked into the doctor’s office she asked me why I waited so long to come in! Hopefully the antibiotics help and I don’t need any surgery of some sorts. Please God.

Can I just say something though? If my mother hadn’t raised me so ashamed of my body sexually or made me feel like a gross person every time I discussed something to do with my body, I probably would have told her sooner and wouldn’t have been so stressed out. However, since my mother has made me feel like a complete disgusting person when I discuss such things, I refrain from telling her till the last possible second. This time I was lucky though, I didn’t get any nasty remarks just: “what now?” I preferred that. I don’t think im afraid, right now i just want to cry a bit to release some stress, sadly, I barely have the time for that. I am hoping the Tylenol kicks in until the antibiotics are ready because I don’t know how much longer I can handle this.

Things are really hectic here and they are just going to get even more hectic. I just hope that I can somehow find time to type my feelings and thoughts, because I really need it.

Your Editor

My dream

follow what makes you happiest, you only live once

There is a short list of things I absolutely love to do and they are: bake, cook, write, puzzles, and read. Let’s start from the bottom first:

Reading: my whole high school I spent in the back of a classroom reading a different book every couple of days. My grandmother is the type of person that had a bottomless library and whenever I went over, I stashed a bunch for the week. It was a bit tricky though because my parents didn’t approve of what I read so I would have to hide them. That usually meant sneaking them into the bathroom and staying in there for hours trying to finish the book or waiting until I heard my sister fast asleep and taking out a flashlight to read under my blanket. I read so many books, some of my favorites are:

  • Beyond Eden by Catherine Coulter
  • Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
  • The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
  • Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
  • The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson (the whole series)

I also read most of the Star Wars books, though I am not one of those extreme fans. I am not usually obsessed with books like those are with Star Wars, Harry Potter, and all the other big series. It is funny because my younger siblings are all reading the books I read when I was their age and it brings back many memories. There was also another series that I oddly enjoyed: Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer. A lot of the books I don’t remember by name anymore, I only remember when I see the front cover. The more I spend time writing this, the more books are coming back into my mind 🙂 .

So why did I stop reading? I got a lot of books taken away, a lot of arguments with my parents about how I am too young to be reading this or that, and just because I ran out of time, plus, I felt like I read everything. Now a days I pick up a book and it’s like reading a porn script. I just want a good book not something so obvious how everything will end. However, I plan to start subscribing to: Crate of Joy, (creds to my Pilate’s teacher for telling me about this!). Also, there’s just no time to read now 😦 it makes me really sad to admit that but it is true. I need to make time though… in between all that studying.

Puzzles: yes, I am one of those. Give me a puzzle, any puzzle, and I will be happy for hours. The problem was that every time I started a 1000 piece puzzle or 2000 piece puzzle no matter how I hide the puzzle, locked my door, bought the puzzle contraption thing to keep my puzzle all together, one of the kids would get to it and I would come home to all my puzzle pieces scattered all over the house. No matter if I counted all the pieces and finally was able to start all over again, the next day somehow the puzzle pieces would be scattered all over the house yet again. After not being able to finish so many puzzles and having to throw them out because I just can’t find the last piece; I have given up on puzzles for the time being but they are still part of my happy place.

Write: I wrote a book when I was in high school (one of the other things I did in class when I couldn’t pull off reading a book in front of the teacher). I didn’t publish it…. yet. A lot of kids would read it in class and they all loved it. To be honest with you, I loved and hated writing it. It’s easier to write when life is upside down and everything seems so black. It is a lot harder to write when you’re on stable ground, the words don’t flow as fast or as smooth and everything sounds ten times better when it is coming from a place of deep emotion. I used to write poems of some sorts but those are in the trash or at the bottom of the ocean. My better half is the one that pushed me to blog. I mentioned it and he ran with it. He knows what I need to be happy 🙂 .

Cooking & Baking: I LOVE the kitchen. Love is an understatement it is just the one place that no matter what I am feeling can make me feel better. I stress bake a lot. Once I made 6 batches of chocolate chip cookies and 2 batches of brownie bars in one night. It just makes me happy. I love it. I am happy just thinking about it.

So what is my dream…?

I want to go to culinary school. I want to learn to cook better. Baking comes, thank God, naturally, but cooking is a bit tougher for me and I want to try it until I am as good as I am at baking. I am not THAT amazing at baking but I would consider myself pretty okay for someone who has had no teaching or time to invest in teaching myself. I wish I can just pause life and just spend time traveling the world and learning the foods of different countries and how to make all the flavors go together to create magic in your mouth when you take a bite. I wish I can open up a little bakery where I just work myself and create and put things together that make people happy. I feel so satisfied taking things out of the oven and watching people enjoy eating something I made.

I won’t give up, even if I have to start at the bottom and spend time doing things I don’t enjoy as much so that I can save up money to do what I love, I will do it. Who knows, maybe I will still be blogging and maybe you’ll all hear all about it.

I heard a speech once about this Disney animator who described his story of how he got to work for Disney, which was his dream. He had a dream, he knew what he wanted, and that is the first place everyone needs to start. Find something you just can’t live without, something that starts a fire within you and do something about it. Unlike all those people out there, myself included, that have a dream, passion, and do nothing about it. Take your dream and you have the equal sign to your equation. Simply find what things you will need to add up together to make your dream come true. This man knew he had to apply to 4 top colleges in order to even be considered by Disney so his equation began: one of the 4 colleges= Disney animator. When he got to that college he realized that in order to get his dream he would need an internship at Disney, so his equation expanded: one of the 4 colleges + internship at Disney = Disney animator. As the years went on he focused on his solution, adding anything that he encountered that could possibly help him reach the end of his equation. Sure enough, he did it. He now works as a Disney animator and worked on a lot of the classical movies, as well as more current ones. But more importantly, he followed his dream. He left us with two things: 1. no dream is impossible so don’t ever think yours is 2. he made us all write down on a piece of paper this quote: “nobody worked harder today than me.”

What does it mean? It means you can go to sleep knowing you did everything in your power today to get you one step closer to fulfilling your dream, and if you can’t say that to yourself every night before you go to bed then don’t go to bed until you can.

Your Editor