I miss you

come home already

I guess it is a good thing when you still can miss someone so much after so long (pun intended). There are just so many moments that go by where I just look around as if searching for him, to catch his eye, to share an acknowledging look with.  I don’t ever want to know what it feels like to not be able to meet your eyes.

Life apart teaches you how much you should value life together. Even the moments where you argue, it is all a thousand percent worth it.  But can I just say that I miss you? I miss seeing your face in the morning and when I try and FaceTime you seems like poor connection always gets the better of us.  It is like the distance isn’t far enough that the missed calls, the ‘failed to send’ messages, and the horrible Wifi just needs to add more space between us.  In a way it makes finally seeing you so enjoyable.  But in another way, waiting is pure torture.  I have found distracting myself to be of some assistance but it doesn’t last long. What does help is thinking of you and finding creative ways to make you smile, even if it is from a million miles away.  It is finding the quotes that say: I miss you as much as a bitch misses the point. The things that make me laugh because I know you will laugh too. Our love is strong and that is what fuels us, but what satiates my missing pains?

Looking at old pictures, moments, special letters is so bittersweet; you never know if you should smile or cry. Not letting it get the best of you is so damn hard. You suddenly notice that couple sitting on the far right corner of the bus and that is all you can see. That is all that your world is made up of. Then you take a deep breath and try and distract yourself only to find your eyes somehow keep going back to that couple on the far right corner of the bus.

Marry me?

Your Editor

Trust

I just had a feeling that you were trustworthy

Trust. That word is a heavy word. It is filled with so many meanings and applications that it can mean something different to everyone that uses it. However, it is so crucial in every relationship.

There are big scenarios where trust comes in and there are small ones. What I really want to talk about here is how you come to trust someone.

There are people in your life that you trust from the minute you are born, like your family. Then there are people who you may trust from a young age but overtime you grow to not, like your family. And then there are people who life brings your way and you build a friendship with them and along comes the trust area, whether overtime or not. But there are also people who manipulate you into trusting them, and you do, but they are bad, that is for another post.

You trust your family because they are your family. Some people have crazy families though, and as they mature they realize what and who can and cannot be trusted. Trust on the lowest level and the highest level. There is just so much trust brings to your relationships and then there is so much that trust can do to your relationships. The questions, the doubts the concerns, and the sense of knowing that all is okay.

There are people who ask you to trust them and there are people who their actions show you that you can trust them.  As the famous saying goes: actions speak louder than words. When it comes to trust it applies just as much. You cannot expect someone to trust you when you act in ways that show otherwise.  You cannot expect someone to trust you when they catch you lying, cheating, stealing, and even if not directed at them, such actions cause people to lose faith in you.

You trust people who care about you but you also trust people who have potential to care about you. Milliseconds after meeting someone we come up with thoughts on that person and our potential relationship with them.  You may not even realize it but right after you introduced yourself your mind has concluded if you like this person or not and if they can be trusted or not. We seize up others with our eyes and our mind puts everything together. The people we think we like based off our immediate assumption either overtime disappoint us or prove our feelings correct.

During my year abroad I remember summing up a person so quick that before I even realized it I had made up my mind that she was going to be my best friend.  I did everything to follow through with that.  A couple of months later I got hit in the face real hard when I found out she wasn’t trustworthy at all.  All it takes is one big situation to have a complete 360 on your initial feelings.

My suggestion: don’t let your brain try to tell you who is trustworthy, time will tell.

Your Editor

 

That family.

what you see may not be what it seems

You know those families where there’s a million people walking in and out of the house, half of them live there, and the other half consider it their home? I wouldn’t say exactly that is my family but along those lines.

The thing is there is just sooo many of us. I know I shouldn’t be talking because there are people that cannot have children and others that wish they could of had a sibling.  Sadly, when you grow up with one thing the other thing that you didn’t have just sounds so much better; the grass is always greener on the other side. 

So, like many of us we take out our fake happy self in order to deal with family. If it is because we can’t stand them, or they can’t appreciate us for us, or they always manage to make a fight out of everything, some of us find ourselves just creating a fake picture to present.  It is almost like meeting someone for the very first time… you’re not to open with them and everything about your life is just amazing and great.

That is just sad.

Because family is supposed to be the people you can lean on.  How is it that the people that formed us to who we are today have become the people we try and avoid? Even for good things; why can’t it be that you call your sister and not your best friend first?

There are of course people, or I should say families, that have mastered this ability to actually love everyone inside the family and somehow manage to get along with everyone as well. It takes talent but it also takes simple manners.

When it comes to my family, we all love each other, some more than others…. but to everyone else in the world we are that family. We are the family that looks perfect, acts perfect, does everything anyone needs perfectly, is an endless giving fountain, and a free room and board. It is great. Even if we do not like it, there are people there. Even if it means we are getting kicked out of our room, there are still people there.  Now, don’t get me wrong, it is nice… sometimes. It also teaches us a lot of lifelong qualities about how you should act to others less fortunate than you.

So, there is the good and the bad, like every family and it all really depends where you fall in line and how you choose to look at the whole situation (situation may be the wrong word because a situation usually has a start and an end, with family it never ends).

One thing I am beginning to learn more and more is that you really cannot change anyone and the greatest relief you will have is when you just stop trying to.

Your Editor

There’s always something that will annoy you

fight for what used to matter the most

No matter what, who, when, where, the person you’re in a relationship with will somehow find a way to annoy you. The common rumor about why people get divorced is because he always left the toilet seat up or he never put the top on the toothpaste. I know you’re probably thinking “wow that is petty,” but in the moment somehow it all makes sense. But really, there’s more to it.

If you genuinely are happy with someone then the toilet seat up or down, the toothpaste cap on or off wouldn’t make a difference. Now, don’t take that as me saying if you get annoyed at your other half you don’t love them. What I am trying to say is that there’s just more to it.

When you don’t actually like a person, everything they do will bother you. You may have once liked them enough to move in with them but for some reason you find everything they do lately, just bothers you. In which case you can take two routes: break up/divorce or try to fix it. Sadly, most people today are choosing the first option. Which makes me wonder: if a marriage you said your vows to or relationship you committed yourself to isn’t worth fighting for then what has the world come to? We fight for things we love. The American people fought for their land because they valued it. They wanted it. They couldn’t live without it. You obviously saw something in your partner to have got you to the point where you are today, yes people change but then again so do you. Why is it suddenly just okay to fall into this black pit of fighting and arguing over nonsense? Why is it okay to just go get a divorce because things just aren’t working out?

When you were a kid and you wanted something, say, to play an instrument or a sport, you worked for it, no? Maybe your parents paid, or maybe you had to do chores to pay for it, or work. Either way, in whatever situation I am sure something went wrong along the way. Could be your mom yelled at you for doing something wrong and threatened to not let you do what you so badly wanted to do. Or maybe while you were doing what you so desperately wanted, something went wrong: you broke your foot at the game. And in those moments you had a feeling where you just wanted to give up and maybe you got stuck in that feeling for a while but deep inside you, you were craving whatever it is you so badly wanted to do. Could be you didn’t even realize how badly you wanted to do it again, but it doesn’t matter. When you love something, you work for it. I love to bake, trust me when I say recipes flop, they flop. Sometimes they flop so bad that I just want to give up but at the end of the day baking is my happy place.

So it may be that he/she used to be your happy place but somehow you have found yourself trying to escape to other places because you just don’t want to deal with it. Well my advice to you is don’t let some dark, grey cloud consume you whole, at least try to fight. Get up in the morning, make a choice to do something different, to let the accident go, to control your voice and watch your words. What’s the worse that can happen? You’ll find yourself happy again.

Your Editor

Respect

just take a minute and be respectful

I was asked to speak about the topic of respect to a bunch of teenage girls and I sat down to think and this is what I came up with:

We all know what it means, it is how we include it in our life that makes the word actually mean something.  First thing first, you need to respect yourself. You need to respect the things you have from your pair of shoes to your expensive laptop.  Respecting your things depending on the dollar value isn’t the right way to respect. You have to realize that dressing a certain way, acting a certain way, going to certain places all show yourself and others the level at which you respect yourself.  Do you respect yourself not to drug yourself up? Or throw yourself at the opposite sex the first chance you get? You decide how much you respect yourself, and I’ll tell you if it is anything less than 100% you need to change the people you’re around, you need to figure out what is stopping you from respecting yourself 100%. Most of the time it is because of people you surround yourself with, and although you may not like to hear that, it is the truth.

The next part of respect is respecting how other people want to be respected.  I would not say just respect other people because you can say you’re respecting them but to them you are doing something that they do not appreciate.  There is a famous saying that goes: “don’t treat others the way you do not want to be treated,” but when it comes to respect it is not about you, it is about how they want to be respected and only that is true respect.

United States Air Force Lt. General John Silveria gave a great speech on respect.  There are so many levels of respect, I started with respecting yourself and then others, he spoke about respecting others race and identity, which is part of respecting another person but in a different form.  During our daily activity we encounter scenarios that entail respecting one’s property, feelings, and personal space. When you live with someone, family, spouse, partner, or a friend, there are different areas that you are faced with where you need to respect what the people living with you need.  For example, are you respectful to not talk loud on the phone if they are studying? Do you leave your plate in the sink for the next person to do, not thinking about if it will affect them?

All you have to do is think a little bit outside your selfish bubble for a millisecond and make a choice that can make someone feel valued.

Your Editor

I must say that

I noticed you

I absolutely would do anything for him yet I somehow end up flopping up something, somewhere, and the beauty is he still appreciates my effort.

Now, I am not saying to sell yourself short but it is comforting to know that no matter what or how nuts you’re acting he’s got your back.  It takes true love to be nice to someone when they are acting like a complete and total bitch. In a not so serious tone tho: girls have it hard, men: try having your period just for one month and see how sane you are after that. For real, you guys are lucky.

Woman can get stressful-don’t get me wrong, but we sort of just need to be reminded about how crazy we are acting.  The best and worst feeling is realizing how bad you have been treating him but then finally being in control of your emotions to tell yourself be nice. Us girls have an excuse every time we aren’t being ourselves but most of the time we don’t even realize to blame it on that and we find ourselves bickering over stupid things.

A man’s only excuse is: his girlfriend/wife is driving him nuts. Now, how does that sound?

You know yours is a keeper when he’ll tell you: “I’m not going to get upset at what you just said because I know you’re getting your period.” Not only does he know you so well, but he knows not to put himself first and to just be there for his girl.

Ladies that does not mean to be nasty because you know you can get away with it, mind you when he’s not taking any offense to it, there is no satisfaction anyway.

To be honest, I’ve been acting like a complete and total selfish bitch lately and he’s taken it so well.  I have finally had a sit down conversation with him and apologized, though he wasn’t really mad.  Men need recognition.  They need to know that their hard work isn’t going unseen.  So what if you said yesterday, the fact that he did it means something to him, and guess what ladies: IT SHOULD TO YOU TOO! There is no reason why you can’t just say that you recognize their effort, the way they put the dishes away- even if it was all in the wrong spot, who cares. At least he did something.

I heard a story once about how this lady had a huge meal at her house with a ton of guest and after the meal when the guest all left her husband saw how hard she worked, told her to go take a shower and he’ll clean up.  When she came out of the shower she walked into the kitchen to find that her husband had washed all the greasy pots and dishes with cold water and no soap. Now, she had a choice of how to react: show her disappointment or not.  She chose to smile, thanked her husband, and told him she would finish up and he should go shower. The minute he left the kitchen she rushed as fast as she can to clean all those dishes over again with hot water and soap. A few days later she casually mentioned to her husband how in this house she likes to wash the dishes in hot water and soap.  Mind you, he washes dishes every night now.  Imagine if she would have yelled “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??!” or something that would have totally offended all his hard work, I can tell you this: he probably would not be washing those dishes anymore.  Just like when you return the jewelry he bought, the present he got you, don’t expect something that easily anymore because you’ve given them no recognition but a negative one.

Say a kind word.  Even if you’re bleeding buckets and you just want to throw a table at him.  He tried.  What do you want, he’s a guy.

Your Editor

There is just us

even if it feels less compared to others, in reality you have so much more

Society today has become a place where everyone has instant access to what other people are doing.  It has become a place where on average, people spend 4.7 hours a day on their smartphones. They are on it when they finally come home at the end of the day and use it to relax.  My father always gets annoyed when my mother is playing candy crush or going through instagram when she has nothing to do. Didn’t there used to be a thing where people actually talk to each other, or sit down for dinner together, or read a book? I get that the world is progressing and technology is taking over, but we still need to give it a balance.

The real issue I’d like to point out is that because everyone is posting, tweeting, snapping, instagramming about their life other people feel the need to do so as well.  It is like everyone is seeking for attention and needs to show off their latest new designer clothing or the large diamond their fiance got them.  Even if it is not something big and expensive, they could just be showing what presents they got, or their food at some low-key restaurant: the point is your life isn’t just yours anymore.  It becomes a life of how many followers I have, how many likes did that picture get, how many friends do I have.

The worst is the people that are jealous. Think about it like this: person A posts a picture of breakfast in bed that their spouse/partner made for them, person B sees the post and their immediate thought is: mine never does that for me.  Later that day person B’s spouse/partner comes home and person B tries to create a whole scenario to see if their spouse/partner would make them breakfast in bed and when they don’t the argument is just waiting to happen.  Person B will find something to get upset about when really they are just upset because they didn’t get what person A has. See what it does? and you thought all you were doing was taking a pretty picture.

No one is wrong and no one is right.  The people that are jealous and have no confidence need to gain it, the people that need justification for everything in their life need to actually get a life, and those that actually have something special in their life should for once just keep it to themselves.

So the world has not just become a world where technology controls us but a place filled with comparison.  Even if you don’t realize it, the post you stopped to look at about how your friend made such a good dinner, when you’re cooking dinner next trust me somehow it will find a way to make you feel a little smaller in your eyes.

I’d take it a step further and say this: people are creating moments within their relationships not for the sake of the moment but for the sake of showing off, and that is just sad. Is it not bad enough to compare yourself to everyone that you have now only done something beautiful for your spouse/partner to not even care for their reaction but to just be able to snap it?

I am content in my own little world. I am genuinely happy for you if you have the ability to travel the world and wear the most expensive clothing.  What you have gotten or given is for you, I get and give my own things.  To have what you have would require me to be you: the bad and the good.

So next time you see something that makes you go “oh, I wish he would just do that for me,” remember she may have that but she doesn’t have what you have.

Your Editor