A man at the chocolate store

what we do for chocolate

I walked into the chocolate store at around 6 pm to find one person ahead of me in line and a million boxes of chocolate being prepared to ship. There’s about five workers preparing boxes and one helping the guy ahead of me. I think that this should be quick because there’s only one other person ahead of me so even if no one else is helping people and just packaging chocolate baskets, I shouldn’t be here too long. Listen to this guys order:

He tells the lady he wants to get something for his wife, you know for Valentine’s Day.

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“What do you guys have?” The lady behind the counter starts showing him different options to get a feel of what the guy is interested in, but he doesn’t seem to know.

“Well, we have these heart-shaped chocolate boxes,” she says. He seems to have liked them because he started inquiring about the sizes of the boxes and how many chocolates fit inside each box. I’m standing there thinking: finally. The man asks her “what percentage is your dark chocolate?” She responds: “one minute, I have to go to the back to ask”. “60%” she says when she gets back. Then he says “do you have it in dark chocolate? It can only be dark chocolate” So the lady goes back to the back to ask if they have dark chocolate, “No dark chocolate”. “Well can you make it in dark chocolate? and all the chocolates you put inside it have to be dark.” Off the lady goes to ask if they can do that. When she comes back with a yes, he starts questioning what sizes and then off she goes, again to the back. She comes back, they can do everything he wants it will just take about an hour. Finally, I think, that now it will be my turn!

But no.

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The one man ahead of me says: “Okay so let’s do the big heart box with dark chocolate and dark chocolate inside, and I also have three daughters”. Oh no. He wants something different for each of them. Now, I am thinking okay 1) why can’t someone else help me, 2) he should have started off saying he needed 4 different chocolates. But nope, he tells her he has three girls and he wants something different for each of them, and it doesn’t matter if it’s dark chocolate or not, he just wants something different. He sees a teddy bear with a heart and wants that. Now come the million questions, but of course not all at once, he has to make the lady go back to the back every time because for some reason he couldn’t just think of all the questions at once. What size? How much does it cost? Do you have it in dark or milk? (I thought it didn’t matter!). Do you have the heart teddy bear? But your website shows this? Now, what about the roses? Finally, he decides he wants the roses. However, there are no roses, off the lady goes to ask if they have roses, no but they can make, well is it dark or milk? WHY DOES IT MATTER?!

My bags are getting heavy and I am seriously tired of waiting for this guy to make up his mind.

The lady behind the counter starts showing him different options they can do with the rose and how they could attach other chocolates to it, he seems to like it, but then there are two more to go. God help me.

Finally, after back and forth (yes, she got a lot of exercise, not just her legs but her brain and vocal cords) they come to some sort of arrangement for the two daughters, so all that is left is the third. “Well,” the lady says, “we can do a small chocolate box for your daughter, it fits like three chocolates inside.” He seems to like it but the famous question about dark and milk comes back- but of course I don’t know why he said it doesn’t matter if clearly he seems so interested in what type of chocolate it will be.

Yay!! He finished his order! As the lady is walking him toward the cash register, I hear him say “…Oh! I also have a nanny, I can’t go home without anything for her.” To be quite honest with you, I probably would have left the chocolate store 30 minutes ago, because this is such a complete waste of my time, if my mother had not been the one to send me here. You see, my brother’s birthday is on Valentine’s Day, so while everyone is buying their Valentines’ chocolate, I am attempting to buy my brother a birthday present.

Because this man’s order is all over the place, the owner of the store comes out to ring him up, when she sees me waiting there she starts on my order, while the other lady fixes up something for this man’s nanny.

45 minutes later, I can now go home. If you’re one of those people who can never make up your mind, just give the lady a list of things you need and your preferences and have her fix you up something, think of what you want to ask and ask all your questions at once, you’ll be doing everyone a favor.

Your Editor

 

Just leave me alone

say what you mean

I say it often but you have to be my better half to know when I actually mean it.

Girls tend to have this attitude about them where they will say something they don’t really mean. They will repeat over and over, get angry, frustrated, and not admit what they really want in hopes that you, as the gentleman, will actually do what they are demanding you do not do.

Guys, on the other hand, are more straightforward, they say leave me alone and they actually mean it.

It is funny when you see other girls do this because you know inside you what she’s really trying to get at.

I used to be like this but then I realized these guys are not actually going to do it if you tell them not to. So I became as straightforward as them. At first a couple of guys looked twice because you don’t usually find a girl who acts like a guy. Now, it is more like, do you actually mean that? It is like the females are such a stereotype (which I can understand) that it would be easier not to actually admit what you want and do what girls do so that you can actually get what you want. I know, twisted.

It helps to be in a relationship where the guy knows you (even more helpful when he knows you better than yourself) because this way when you say something, whether you’re acting like a girl and not really meaning what you’re saying or if you actually mean it, he will know and act accordingly.

You know what I dislike though? Because we are girls and we do this whole drama show to get what we want when we specifically say we don’t want it, we also do this thing where we won’t admit to something bothering us. Even if it has nothing to do with an argument, fight, or conversation. The fact that he could have woken up this morning and didn’t make you a coffee before he left to work, even though he had no reason in the world to because you didn’t say or imply anything, but just because you had a thought that you never expressed to him and then he didn’t do it could cause you to be annoyed at him is absolutely absurd. Then when he comes home later that day and you’re harping on something and he’s racking his brain for misunderstandings or something he did to cause you to be like this and he can’t come up with anything and you’re just repeatedly saying “it’s nothing, it’s nothing,” but it obviously must be something if it has you so annoyed. Why on earth can’t you just break out of this girl trend and just express it. Say what you hoped he had done but didn’t because not saying it will only cause it to happen again. Men want their girls happy, so if they know something bothers them or they want something good men, will do it. But the key word here is: know. They aren’t mind readers.

Quit playing the game girls are known for so that maybe for once men will actually take us seriously when we say something the first time.

Your Editor

Flowers

Know what your kids need to hear

It took me a long time to get over flower and beach pictures. Why? because every single doctors office has flowers hanging on the walls. I hate looking at something so calm when I am freaking out inside. Pictures of the beach make me cringe. I was about 10 years old I think when I had my first physical at the doctor’s office. My Mother sat in the room playing with her baby as if completely oblivious to what was going on, and I went completely still as the Doctor stuck her hand in my underwear.  I will never not be grossed out of hearing “relax, close your eyes, think of the beach and the waves.” I will never picture the beach again. I was really angry at my mother for letting the doctor do that. It freaked me out. She gave me no warning whatsoever about what she was about to do! Like, hello?! Tell me you’re about to look at my vagina! After that appointment I remember the drive home where my mother said, “you can’t be so uptight around your doctor.” I didn’t respond, I was still very much freaked out how she could just sit there bouncing her kid on her lap and making him laugh as this Doctor checked me.

Obviously, this is just a normal thing, everyone gets a physical, but they also know they are getting a physical. They don’t just feel so violated like that.

I found it funny how now when I go to the doctor’s office I am so open, I strip before they even tell me I need to. I totally do not care. I find myself staring at the flower picture and trying not to get aggravated at them. I noticed that my blog posts pictures are filled with pictures of flowers. I guess it just reminds me of how everything can look so pretty and yet be a huge mess and no one would be the wiser.

It’s weird. It’s uncomfortable. Don’t put your kids through it.

But that wasn’t the point I was trying to make. What I am trying to say is that just like I can’t be so uptight with my doctor, you can’t be so uptight with your kids. There was a picture going around of Kim Kardashian topless and the photographer of the photo was her 4-year-old daughter. Some people can take that to mean Kim was trying to teach her daughter confidence (I find it completely weird, but maybe that is just because I didn’t grow up like that). There are always people you know that have that relationship with their mother/sister where they pee together, see each other naked. I am not talking about that end of the spectrum, I am simple talking about communicating with your daughter about her body. Not making her feel weird about it. Puberty age is challenging for everyone, it is awkward, don’t make it any more awkward than it needs to be. Don’t ignore what needs to be done. Don’t push-off those conversations. Being able to talk about those things with your mother will actually make the situation easier.

You’re probably thinking: obviously. But if it really was so obvious then why are kids still turning to the Internet, their friends, guys? It can really mess your kids up.

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Waiting for another chance

for my Uncle

We called him Uncle, even though he was really our great, great uncle.  Everytime I’d see him he would say “Ohh, how are you??” with his hand shaking in the air and his voice sounding so happy to see me. He always had a big smile on his face and never seem to be anything but happy. He was special.

A month ago, he got sick.

Now, he’s a tall man, broad, short little beard, white hair, hearing aids, but with it, happy, and around 80 years old. But the next thing you know he’s in the hospital with tubes everywhere, his mouth filled with more tubes, so he is unable to talk. He lost so much weight just laying there, helplessly.  His wife is a cute little lady, everytime you see her she’d says “Ohh, how are you??” with her hands reaching to your cheek, always with a smile. Now, I see her repeatedly calling her husbands name, trying to get him to make any sort of moment, lift a finger, answer her, look somewhat alive. Anything. There is so much desperation in her voice, so much pain in it, and a deep sadness because she cannot do anything. She doesn’t know if he’s uncomfortable, she doesn’t know if he needs something.  They tried getting him to write what he wanted to say but one hand is just so swollen he couldn’t even if he tried.

I went to go see him. I hate hospitals. I went and felt weak to my knees when I saw him. No more smiles, no more “Ohh, how are you??” He couldn’t even lift his hand to shake it around. He barely held his head up. When I looked into his eyes it was as if they were screaming for help. I saw the blood bag on the floor and it took everything in me to not pass out. People came in. Talked loud, as if he couldn’t hear. He could, you just couldn’t tell.

Then my grandfather came in. There are best friends since 16. They talk on the phone every day. When he said his name and gave him a kiss on his head you could just see his chest beating faster, he got so excited, there was no facial reaction but his eyes, his body, it was as if he was talking.

Tonight we get a call, they are waiting for my grandfather. They don’t think he’s going to get better, something is just not right. So we’re all here and we are just waiting. Waiting to see if he will stay with us and fight or if he has no more strength to continue. Waiting to see if maybe he can just say “Ohh, how are you??” one more time.

Your Editor

Twisted

balance your giving and taking, it’ll make your life a happier place

Life is full of unexpected events.

Today was a good day but it was twisted. I was happy but sad. Enjoying myself but knew deep down I was suffering. It was twisted. I didn’t enjoy it very much but yet there were some moments I thought were precious: that FaceTime call, baking cookies with my little cousin, playing with my little sister, and feeling proud about my fruit tart :).

So why was it so twisted? Let me just tell you this: the world is filled with givers and takers, you can be either or, but very few people are both. When you are surrounded my takers your life can either feel completely empty or somewhat full. Meaning: if I give because I know you will appreciate that I am giving, my life becomes a somewhat full life but if I am giving knowing your taking will never end, my life has just become completely empty.  I give. Unconditionally, except when I am being used dry and then I just cannot take it anymore. You can’t blame me, I am tired of being used. But some people just don’t know their boundaries, you give and they want more, and more, and more, and oh did I mention that they want more? So you see today was a beautiful day because I just let it not get to me: the fact that people are taking everything out of me. It is not as horrible as it sounds when you read it but it is quiet a not so great feeling.

I love to bake so when I was asked my automatic response is: yes. But call me crazy, I was sort of expecting a “thank you,” or anything for that matter? I get it, you needed the cake and you didn’t have time to do it but then shouldn’t it mean so much more to you that I went and did it for you? Call me crazy (don’t worry, you wouldn’t be the first) but I was sort of expecting something.

Now you’re probably thinking well she’s probably not really a giver but a giver that is giving only to take and my reply to that thought is: no. I give without expecting in return. Then why did I expect something here? Well maybe it’s because this person has a tendency to be passive aggressive (Dr. Perry has a good post on the character traits of this type of person), she takes, takes, takes, and makes me very not happy. She doesn’t just take what I give her, she thinks everything is hers and she can take whatever she wants, whenever she wants WITHOUT ASKING! You don’t do that. After saying no soooo many times to her, you would think she would be at least somewhat appreciative when I said yes.

I am learning now, or trying to, to balance a giver and taker, because there is no reason in the world why you can’t be both. Saying thank you is just proper etiquette, not even expectations.

That was just five minutes of my day. The rest of it had some twisted moments but I am focusing on being positive, not with her though, I don’t need to try and convice myself that she’s changed when she probably never will.

Wish me luck, she’ll be here all weekend.

Your Editor

OXOXO

give me love the way I need it

I say that, you say XOXO.

Who cares?

You do. But guess what? Now every time I say it I make sure to say it my way because I know it gets to you.

I’m smiling. You would be too.

It is times like these, moments like these, words like these, that just make us, US. 

Have your own language, find things that make both of you smile and laugh.  I watched this movie where the ‘thing’ they had together was she wanted a kiss on the nose from him.  So when they argued she would just tap her nose and she’d make him kiss her again and again until it felt just as it would when they weren’t fighting.  It is like having those words that you just can’t say them angrily: bubbles, giggles. Try yelling bubbles, see how far you get without hearing how ridiculous you sound.

There is a book that talks about the 5 love languages that people have and can I just ask why there can’t just be one?!! The book is a very good book but still—– it is hard to have different love languages.  I guess that is how you know when you really love someone; you really got to go out of your comfort zone and do what makes them happy. If you have any friends that are getting married or even in relationships, it is a great present.

But back to what I was saying… I think everyone should know what language they speak, this way if they feel like they are not getting what they need from their partner they could see if maybe their partner isn’t speaking the language they need to hear.

How do you discover that?

I’ll tell you how I did. I realized that my better half and I needed different things when we possessed any sort of emotion. For example, if he did something sweet for me I would show a bunch of different facial expressions in the moment, freak out, hug him, thank him and love whatever it is he did for me. However, he didn’t feel like I cared for it much because I didn’t express to him in words at the moment, later on in the day, or even a week later that I had very much valued what he did for me.  At first this was hard to get used to because 1. I never used to express how I was feeling, I just never knew how to put my words into feelings, 2. you have to really know a lot of different adjectives to not sound like a parrot. Now though, I am an almost expert at it; I can tell you how much I appreciated what you did for me in so many different words.  It takes a lot of practice. A lot of time. A lot of conversations trying to figure out what it is that would make him or me feel loved. I’d same my love language is easier than his but that is just because I am not used to verbally expressing how I feel. I am very physical. I like to be hugged, kissed, cuddled, brought something sweet, or anything of that nature. Pour me a cup of water and it will make me feel good inside.

Anyway, after I searched the words “OXOXO,” I realized he’s right and it is “XOXO.” But what if I want to give you a hug first and then a kiss?

I guess that’s just my love language.

Your Editor

 

The craziness of life

I decided to just write today, even if it has no meaning or purpose at all, I just have so much on my mind and head that I want to get off.

It’s a crazy week this week, I have a million (okay that is an exaggeration) different family members staying by my house and I have to give up my room and it is just so frustrating. I legit had to move everything out and just organize all my stuff because I don’t need my sister’s husband all over my closet. Not that he’s the type but STILL – so awkward.  Then my mother tells me that I got to finish baking my brother’s birthday cake a week before his birthday because other family members want to be there for the ‘no party, party,’ because there really is no party. Just my cake.

My Pilate’s teacher laughs at the craziness of my life.  Today I told her I could do stand up comedy and I would be so good at it.  Should I tell you why? because my life is so crazy and there would be just so much to talk about. But I guess I should be thankful, don’t get me wrong, I am, just everyone needs to vent once in a while.

You know when you have so much work to do but of things you do NOT want to be doing? and then you have so much work to do of things you DO want to do? Well that is my life right now. Obviously, I do not want to have to deal with everything I need to deal with, which just stresses me out more. The day isn’t long enough. But then again nor is the night and yes, yes, I know: take one thing at a time! but I just can’t help it! I want to get everything done now! I was the girl who the minute an assignment was scheduled I had it done that night, MAX the next day.  Because I just don’t like having a list of things to do.  I like having the ability to choose what I want to do and when. Despite the fact that I have a million different lists.

Anyway my life is about to get even more hectic because my mother, yes my mother, is having her 10th, yes I said the 10th child. Yay me 🙂 It’s great, it’s nice, it’s beautiful, except when I got to raise them and then it’s like if I wanted that, I’d just have my own kids. The truth is she does raise them, just when I get home she can’t handle them anymore (which makes sense after having to deal with them all day, just sucks for me).

I also am a very giving person.  Sometimes I give wayyy too much though and it shoots me in the leg (and I say the leg and not any other part of my body because I can’t do anything that requires my feet afterwards).  So because my cousin is on and off in the hospital, I told my Aunt and Uncle that I’d stop by and entertain their other son. Which of course is happening tomorrow, the same day that a million of those family members and other beings are coming into my house.  But I figured I’d rather not be in the middle of two very pregnant woman, 8 kids under the age of 12, and 6 people ranging from 15-22. Oh wait… I forgot my 80 something year old grandparents (God bless them), and my brothers two friends, and my mother’s sister from Holland and her husband. Where would you rather be?

I miss my better half. At times like these I really wish he was here: 1. it would make my life a thousand times easier and 2. I’d be able to actually have a face-to-face conversation with him which would be so much better because when I’m stressed I make no sense. I am trying to ignore the fact that I have my CPA exams coming up and that I really need to focus on studying. How do people manage all these things?! It is times like this that I really just need to stop everything I’m doing and just take a big, long deep breath and not panic when I’m done.

You know what I miss most? Just sitting down and being able to read a book, with not a care in the world, and all the time on my hands. When we’re kids we are all so busy trying to grow up as fast as we can and now that we are all here it’s like where is my time?

Your Editor