Emily Kelly

not giving up when it becomes hard

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The New York Times posted an article written by Emily Kelly about her husband’s situation.

First I’d like to start with: WOW.  I don’t know if it just because the younger generations are made up of people that give up before even trying but Emily Kelly really does not give up.  I have never been in a relationship with someone famous but I figure it is probably a lot harder than a typical one; everything you do is on display.

I was listening this morning to Shannon talk about how she is just tired of putting on an act for people. Life is hard enough as it is to then have to put a smile on for everyone and make everyone laugh! It reminds me of that new show that Amazon Prime is streaming:  The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, her life is a mess yet and that is what she talks about on the stage and everyone is laughing.  In a way that is how we deal with our hard situations; we make a joke out of it and feed off other people’s laughter.

Back to Emily….

I am sure there were moments where she felt like this wasn’t fair to her and she didn’t deserve this, nor did her kids, but at the end of the day she did everything she could to help her husband.  She went to doctor after doctor (and that really is not easy), moved the whole family, and got hurt by her own husband.  It is not easy to remember that someone is just not okay and that is why they say certain things that are painful.  In life today we expect so much from people that we cannot fathom how they can act like that and when we put in a small bit of effort and it doesn’t show results we get even more upset because ‘how could they do this to me! and I tried so hard!’ But you obviously didn’t try hard enough.

She writes in her article:

It wasn’t until I joined a private Facebook group of more than 2,400 women, all connected in some way to current or former N.F.L. players, that I realized I wasn’t alone.

Becoming a part of a group of people going through similar situations made it easier. It gives you a sense of you’re not doing this alone, there are other people out there in the world that are hurting, maybe even in situations worse off than your own. You hear about support groups for people in relationships with recovering addicts of all sorts but not as much as you hear about support groups for the people with the actual problem.

Everyone is in some situation that is affecting them, sadly the world has become a place where we cannot show those pains without being diagnosed with a disorder.  Why can someone just need a hug and not a bottle of pills? I’m rambling here sorry…

I look up to Emily Kelly how she was able to say the truth. There were times they fought and times that were beautiful but at the end of the day, she put her feelings aside and looked at the bigger picture. She realized the man she loved was in pain and hurting and even though he never may have verbally expressed it, she uncovered it. She didn’t let the sharp words cause her to give up but rather she fought for who she believed in and now she is fighting for a greater cause; expressing her pain to make others aware of it.

Shannon talked about her pain to make others know that they weren’t alone.

Not giving up, talking about how you feel, not only helps your relationships and others around you but also yourself. So even if you were a completely selfish person, sharing your pain may bring about more good than you realize.

Your Editor

 

When you have food stuck in your teeth

**hands covering face** how could I have…

You know when you meet someone for the first time and then after they leave you feel all jittery and then you look in the mirror and check your teeth…. and you have food in them, and not just a small piece but like a big one? That feeling where you just want to kick yourself.

I am a very talented person and sometimes in not the best areas; I can’t keep my mouth shut.  I just don’t stop talking. I have gotten better, don’t get me wrong, but I’m still pretty bad. Everytime I say too much I get that same feeling as if I had something in my teeth and didn’t realize.  Except having something in your teeth is something people don’t make that big of a deal about, whereas saying something you probably shouldn’t have could cause a bit more issues.  As I said… I am just really very talented.  These moment happen so often that I can’t even remember one because there is just too many.

Anyway, back to meeting that person and kicking yourself because you should have not said that, or done that, or should have said that but didn’t, the possibilities are endless.

The feeling that I want to harp on though, is when you have that kicking feeling and then they still come back it’s like: 😀 (the biggest smile in the world!) .  Especially if you liked the person. It also shows you something about that other person: that they realize it could have been you on nerves, you not thinking straight, you making a mistake, and to have someone in your life from the first moment you meet understand that you make mistakes but that doesn’t make you, you, is a real blessing.

You hear a lot of stories about people that do something unexpected on their first date and the other person is just like “this is not for me,” but doesn’t even give them a chance to explain.  People do not care anymore that it was an accident, they just care about themselves.  Often you will find people not even confronting the situation. I’m just like; helllooooooo, just ask?! Legit, what is there to lose? It is awkward enough with the big elephant in the room, why on earth won’t you just confront it? It WILL defuse the situation. Trust me, I know.

My better half always lets me bring up that ‘awkward comment’ I made but if I don’t and he thinks I’d do it again without realizing, he’ll let me know, just as he would let me know that I have food stuck in my teeth.  It is more for me than him, and that is the point in your relationship where you realize you have someone special.

When your mother pinched you under the table while you were talking it was because you were embarrassing her, when he gives you the eyeballs or changes the conversation real quick so that no one can harp on what you just said, you know it is because he is stopping you from embarrassing yourself.

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I miss you

come home already

I guess it is a good thing when you still can miss someone so much after so long (pun intended). There are just so many moments that go by where I just look around as if searching for him, to catch his eye, to share an acknowledging look with.  I don’t ever want to know what it feels like to not be able to meet your eyes.

Life apart teaches you how much you should value life together. Even the moments where you argue, it is all a thousand percent worth it.  But can I just say that I miss you? I miss seeing your face in the morning and when I try and FaceTime you seems like poor connection always gets the better of us.  It is like the distance isn’t far enough that the missed calls, the ‘failed to send’ messages, and the horrible Wifi just needs to add more space between us.  In a way it makes finally seeing you so enjoyable.  But in another way, waiting is pure torture.  I have found distracting myself to be of some assistance but it doesn’t last long. What does help is thinking of you and finding creative ways to make you smile, even if it is from a million miles away.  It is finding the quotes that say: I miss you as much as a bitch misses the point. The things that make me laugh because I know you will laugh too. Our love is strong and that is what fuels us, but what satiates my missing pains?

Looking at old pictures, moments, special letters is so bittersweet; you never know if you should smile or cry. Not letting it get the best of you is so damn hard. You suddenly notice that couple sitting on the far right corner of the bus and that is all you can see. That is all that your world is made up of. Then you take a deep breath and try and distract yourself only to find your eyes somehow keep going back to that couple on the far right corner of the bus.

Marry me?

Your Editor

Trust

I just had a feeling that you were trustworthy

Trust. That word is a heavy word. It is filled with so many meanings and applications that it can mean something different to everyone that uses it. However, it is so crucial in every relationship.

There are big scenarios where trust comes in and there are small ones. What I really want to talk about here is how you come to trust someone.

There are people in your life that you trust from the minute you are born, like your family. Then there are people who you may trust from a young age but overtime you grow to not, like your family. And then there are people who life brings your way and you build a friendship with them and along comes the trust area, whether overtime or not. But there are also people who manipulate you into trusting them, and you do, but they are bad, that is for another post.

You trust your family because they are your family. Some people have crazy families though, and as they mature they realize what and who can and cannot be trusted. Trust on the lowest level and the highest level. There is just so much trust brings to your relationships and then there is so much that trust can do to your relationships. The questions, the doubts the concerns, and the sense of knowing that all is okay.

There are people who ask you to trust them and there are people who their actions show you that you can trust them.  As the famous saying goes: actions speak louder than words. When it comes to trust it applies just as much. You cannot expect someone to trust you when you act in ways that show otherwise.  You cannot expect someone to trust you when they catch you lying, cheating, stealing, and even if not directed at them, such actions cause people to lose faith in you.

You trust people who care about you but you also trust people who have potential to care about you. Milliseconds after meeting someone we come up with thoughts on that person and our potential relationship with them.  You may not even realize it but right after you introduced yourself your mind has concluded if you like this person or not and if they can be trusted or not. We seize up others with our eyes and our mind puts everything together. The people we think we like based off our immediate assumption either overtime disappoint us or prove our feelings correct.

During my year abroad I remember summing up a person so quick that before I even realized it I had made up my mind that she was going to be my best friend.  I did everything to follow through with that.  A couple of months later I got hit in the face real hard when I found out she wasn’t trustworthy at all.  All it takes is one big situation to have a complete 360 on your initial feelings.

My suggestion: don’t let your brain try to tell you who is trustworthy, time will tell.

Your Editor

 

That family.

what you see may not be what it seems

You know those families where there’s a million people walking in and out of the house, half of them live there, and the other half consider it their home? I wouldn’t say exactly that is my family but along those lines.

The thing is there is just sooo many of us. I know I shouldn’t be talking because there are people that cannot have children and others that wish they could of had a sibling.  Sadly, when you grow up with one thing the other thing that you didn’t have just sounds so much better; the grass is always greener on the other side. 

So, like many of us we take out our fake happy self in order to deal with family. If it is because we can’t stand them, or they can’t appreciate us for us, or they always manage to make a fight out of everything, some of us find ourselves just creating a fake picture to present.  It is almost like meeting someone for the very first time… you’re not to open with them and everything about your life is just amazing and great.

That is just sad.

Because family is supposed to be the people you can lean on.  How is it that the people that formed us to who we are today have become the people we try and avoid? Even for good things; why can’t it be that you call your sister and not your best friend first?

There are of course people, or I should say families, that have mastered this ability to actually love everyone inside the family and somehow manage to get along with everyone as well. It takes talent but it also takes simple manners.

When it comes to my family, we all love each other, some more than others…. but to everyone else in the world we are that family. We are the family that looks perfect, acts perfect, does everything anyone needs perfectly, is an endless giving fountain, and a free room and board. It is great. Even if we do not like it, there are people there. Even if it means we are getting kicked out of our room, there are still people there.  Now, don’t get me wrong, it is nice… sometimes. It also teaches us a lot of lifelong qualities about how you should act to others less fortunate than you.

So, there is the good and the bad, like every family and it all really depends where you fall in line and how you choose to look at the whole situation (situation may be the wrong word because a situation usually has a start and an end, with family it never ends).

One thing I am beginning to learn more and more is that you really cannot change anyone and the greatest relief you will have is when you just stop trying to.

Your Editor

There’s always something that will annoy you

fight for what used to matter the most

No matter what, who, when, where, the person you’re in a relationship with will somehow find a way to annoy you. The common rumor about why people get divorced is because he always left the toilet seat up or he never put the top on the toothpaste. I know you’re probably thinking “wow that is petty,” but in the moment somehow it all makes sense. But really, there’s more to it.

If you genuinely are happy with someone then the toilet seat up or down, the toothpaste cap on or off wouldn’t make a difference. Now, don’t take that as me saying if you get annoyed at your other half you don’t love them. What I am trying to say is that there’s just more to it.

When you don’t actually like a person, everything they do will bother you. You may have once liked them enough to move in with them but for some reason you find everything they do lately, just bothers you. In which case you can take two routes: break up/divorce or try to fix it. Sadly, most people today are choosing the first option. Which makes me wonder: if a marriage you said your vows to or relationship you committed yourself to isn’t worth fighting for then what has the world come to? We fight for things we love. The American people fought for their land because they valued it. They wanted it. They couldn’t live without it. You obviously saw something in your partner to have got you to the point where you are today, yes people change but then again so do you. Why is it suddenly just okay to fall into this black pit of fighting and arguing over nonsense? Why is it okay to just go get a divorce because things just aren’t working out?

When you were a kid and you wanted something, say, to play an instrument or a sport, you worked for it, no? Maybe your parents paid, or maybe you had to do chores to pay for it, or work. Either way, in whatever situation I am sure something went wrong along the way. Could be your mom yelled at you for doing something wrong and threatened to not let you do what you so badly wanted to do. Or maybe while you were doing what you so desperately wanted, something went wrong: you broke your foot at the game. And in those moments you had a feeling where you just wanted to give up and maybe you got stuck in that feeling for a while but deep inside you, you were craving whatever it is you so badly wanted to do. Could be you didn’t even realize how badly you wanted to do it again, but it doesn’t matter. When you love something, you work for it. I love to bake, trust me when I say recipes flop, they flop. Sometimes they flop so bad that I just want to give up but at the end of the day baking is my happy place.

So it may be that he/she used to be your happy place but somehow you have found yourself trying to escape to other places because you just don’t want to deal with it. Well my advice to you is don’t let some dark, grey cloud consume you whole, at least try to fight. Get up in the morning, make a choice to do something different, to let the accident go, to control your voice and watch your words. What’s the worse that can happen? You’ll find yourself happy again.

Your Editor

Respect

just take a minute and be respectful

I was asked to speak about the topic of respect to a bunch of teenage girls and I sat down to think and this is what I came up with:

We all know what it means, it is how we include it in our life that makes the word actually mean something.  First thing first, you need to respect yourself. You need to respect the things you have from your pair of shoes to your expensive laptop.  Respecting your things depending on the dollar value isn’t the right way to respect. You have to realize that dressing a certain way, acting a certain way, going to certain places all show yourself and others the level at which you respect yourself.  Do you respect yourself not to drug yourself up? Or throw yourself at the opposite sex the first chance you get? You decide how much you respect yourself, and I’ll tell you if it is anything less than 100% you need to change the people you’re around, you need to figure out what is stopping you from respecting yourself 100%. Most of the time it is because of people you surround yourself with, and although you may not like to hear that, it is the truth.

The next part of respect is respecting how other people want to be respected.  I would not say just respect other people because you can say you’re respecting them but to them you are doing something that they do not appreciate.  There is a famous saying that goes: “don’t treat others the way you do not want to be treated,” but when it comes to respect it is not about you, it is about how they want to be respected and only that is true respect.

United States Air Force Lt. General John Silveria gave a great speech on respect.  There are so many levels of respect, I started with respecting yourself and then others, he spoke about respecting others race and identity, which is part of respecting another person but in a different form.  During our daily activity we encounter scenarios that entail respecting one’s property, feelings, and personal space. When you live with someone, family, spouse, partner, or a friend, there are different areas that you are faced with where you need to respect what the people living with you need.  For example, are you respectful to not talk loud on the phone if they are studying? Do you leave your plate in the sink for the next person to do, not thinking about if it will affect them?

All you have to do is think a little bit outside your selfish bubble for a millisecond and make a choice that can make someone feel valued.

Your Editor