I must say that

I noticed you

I absolutely would do anything for him yet I somehow end up flopping up something, somewhere, and the beauty is he still appreciates my effort.

Now, I am not saying to sell yourself short but it is comforting to know that no matter what or how nuts you’re acting he’s got your back.  It takes true love to be nice to someone when they are acting like a complete and total bitch. In a not so serious tone tho: girls have it hard, men: try having your period just for one month and see how sane you are after that. For real, you guys are lucky.

Woman can get stressful-don’t get me wrong, but we sort of just need to be reminded about how crazy we are acting.  The best and worst feeling is realizing how bad you have been treating him but then finally being in control of your emotions to tell yourself be nice. Us girls have an excuse every time we aren’t being ourselves but most of the time we don’t even realize to blame it on that and we find ourselves bickering over stupid things.

A man’s only excuse is: his girlfriend/wife is driving him nuts. Now, how does that sound?

You know yours is a keeper when he’ll tell you: “I’m not going to get upset at what you just said because I know you’re getting your period.” Not only does he know you so well, but he knows not to put himself first and to just be there for his girl.

Ladies that does not mean to be nasty because you know you can get away with it, mind you when he’s not taking any offense to it, there is no satisfaction anyway.

To be honest, I’ve been acting like a complete and total selfish bitch lately and he’s taken it so well.  I have finally had a sit down conversation with him and apologized, though he wasn’t really mad.  Men need recognition.  They need to know that their hard work isn’t going unseen.  So what if you said yesterday, the fact that he did it means something to him, and guess what ladies: IT SHOULD TO YOU TOO! There is no reason why you can’t just say that you recognize their effort, the way they put the dishes away- even if it was all in the wrong spot, who cares. At least he did something.

I heard a story once about how this lady had a huge meal at her house with a ton of guest and after the meal when the guest all left her husband saw how hard she worked, told her to go take a shower and he’ll clean up.  When she came out of the shower she walked into the kitchen to find that her husband had washed all the greasy pots and dishes with cold water and no soap. Now, she had a choice of how to react: show her disappointment or not.  She chose to smile, thanked her husband, and told him she would finish up and he should go shower. The minute he left the kitchen she rushed as fast as she can to clean all those dishes over again with hot water and soap. A few days later she casually mentioned to her husband how in this house she likes to wash the dishes in hot water and soap.  Mind you, he washes dishes every night now.  Imagine if she would have yelled “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??!” or something that would have totally offended all his hard work, I can tell you this: he probably would not be washing those dishes anymore.  Just like when you return the jewelry he bought, the present he got you, don’t expect something that easily anymore because you’ve given them no recognition but a negative one.

Say a kind word.  Even if you’re bleeding buckets and you just want to throw a table at him.  He tried.  What do you want, he’s a guy.

Your Editor

There is just us

even if it feels less compared to others, in reality you have so much more

Society today has become a place where everyone has instant access to what other people are doing.  It has become a place where on average, people spend 4.7 hours a day on their smartphones. They are on it when they finally come home at the end of the day and use it to relax.  My father always gets annoyed when my mother is playing candy crush or going through instagram when she has nothing to do. Didn’t there used to be a thing where people actually talk to each other, or sit down for dinner together, or read a book? I get that the world is progressing and technology is taking over, but we still need to give it a balance.

The real issue I’d like to point out is that because everyone is posting, tweeting, snapping, instagramming about their life other people feel the need to do so as well.  It is like everyone is seeking for attention and needs to show off their latest new designer clothing or the large diamond their fiance got them.  Even if it is not something big and expensive, they could just be showing what presents they got, or their food at some low-key restaurant: the point is your life isn’t just yours anymore.  It becomes a life of how many followers I have, how many likes did that picture get, how many friends do I have.

The worst is the people that are jealous. Think about it like this: person A posts a picture of breakfast in bed that their spouse/partner made for them, person B sees the post and their immediate thought is: mine never does that for me.  Later that day person B’s spouse/partner comes home and person B tries to create a whole scenario to see if their spouse/partner would make them breakfast in bed and when they don’t the argument is just waiting to happen.  Person B will find something to get upset about when really they are just upset because they didn’t get what person A has. See what it does? and you thought all you were doing was taking a pretty picture.

No one is wrong and no one is right.  The people that are jealous and have no confidence need to gain it, the people that need justification for everything in their life need to actually get a life, and those that actually have something special in their life should for once just keep it to themselves.

So the world has not just become a world where technology controls us but a place filled with comparison.  Even if you don’t realize it, the post you stopped to look at about how your friend made such a good dinner, when you’re cooking dinner next trust me somehow it will find a way to make you feel a little smaller in your eyes.

I’d take it a step further and say this: people are creating moments within their relationships not for the sake of the moment but for the sake of showing off, and that is just sad. Is it not bad enough to compare yourself to everyone that you have now only done something beautiful for your spouse/partner to not even care for their reaction but to just be able to snap it?

I am content in my own little world. I am genuinely happy for you if you have the ability to travel the world and wear the most expensive clothing.  What you have gotten or given is for you, I get and give my own things.  To have what you have would require me to be you: the bad and the good.

So next time you see something that makes you go “oh, I wish he would just do that for me,” remember she may have that but she doesn’t have what you have.

Your Editor

My co-worker

don’t always be so judgemental

My co-worker’s marriage is a….. there’s just no words to describe it. Before her big wedding day, she’d come into work and talk about how horrible her future mother-in-law is and how her fiance has communication issues because of his mother, and she’d go on and on and on.  I wondered then why she didn’t just not get married.  It wasn’t like there was a bad day once in a while, there was a bad day every day, and maybe ever so often there would be a day were she didn’t complain or bash something that he did.

There is just so many issues wrong with their relationship then, and now that they are married…. oh boy. I sit at my desk at work and try really hard to keep myself from giving her a lesson or two on her marriage.

Before the wedding there was this whole mix up about the groomsmen’s shirts and somehow it was all her fiance’s fault: “he was supposed to order the shirts a month ago, he was supposed to do this, I told him to do that.” You know those people that tell you “I told you so,” don’t you just want to slap them in the face? Well trust me I felt like doing something to shut her up.  Like, shouldn’t their wedding day, the beautifulness of it all, overpower the stupid fight over blue shirts?

It’s like my co-worker can’t think for herself; she talks to everyone about how horrible her relationship is, takes advice from everyone yet can’t seem to get anything right.

The first thing I would say to her is this: your dirty laundry is just that: YOURS! Part of what makes a relationship, especially marriage, special is that it is just yours.  It is something that two people share: the good and the bad.

Then I would tell her to just stop blowing everything up.  Who cares if he forgot to take the garbage out one time?! Who cares if his mother wants to wear a hat to the wedding?! Why does it all of a sudden have to mean that he doesn’t love you enough? This girl needs confidence, a whole lot of it. She obviously does not love herself one bit because if she did she would be able to let things go, stand her ground a bit, I don’t know but just not be such a grump all day.  Everything is a big deal.

The latest has been how apparently her husband doesn’t want to share bank accounts with her and she strongly believes that his mother is in some sort of team with him to make her life hell.  Okay, I get her annoyance at not sharing a bank account, it makes sense, I wouldn’t understand not sharing a bank account with my spouse.  However, that can be discussed, you know? But I can tell you that it won’t be discussed with her husband anymore because of the way she reacted and now half the world knows her husband refuses to make a bank account with her and thinks he is some horrible human being because of how dramatic she was.  Take a lesson everyone: you don’t like something your spouse does, talk to them, not to a million other people. Another lesson: sit down with your spouse and present your side in a calm voice and listen to his side, I am sure you will see that you both can be reasonable with each other, after all you guys do love one another.

Today, she found out from someone her husband works with that her husband turned down a promotion.  Now, it is not like she talks to me about this stuff, she is generally on the phone with a friend, her mother, or talking to our other co-worker. Listen I can understand if one was upset that their spouse didn’t tell them something but in her eyes she has painter her spouse a person that she cannot trust at all. She questions everything he says and does.  Now it could be in all honesty that her husband is just not a good person but I really don’t think so. What I am wondering is why he agreed to marry this crazy lady? She is so negative about everything. She doesn’t even try and find the good in things that he does, it’s just like if he does something nice her response is: well no duh, he better have come up here and helped me out. You can’t be such a demandingly mean person.  Her love for him is buried so deep I don’t know how she is still with him.

The other day I overheard her practically yelling at her husband how “if he wants to have kids he better go and schedule a blood test because it just is not okay if they aren’t compatible and then they are going to have to go through lots of testing and she’s not going to put herself through that,” and blah, blah, blah. Legit. Wow. My thoughts were: please do not be having kids right now until you can figure out how to deal with each other. But what really sat in me was just like planning the wedding, it is supposed to be fun and special, having children is supposed to be fun and just something a team would jump into yet there she was demanding and yelling at him.

It’s like she views him as somebody lower than her. Someone she has to train. You’re not his mother, you’re his wife. If you don’t know the difference, don’t get married.

Your Editor

Bedtime

sleep with me

There’s this tradition my partner and I have, it’s called Date Night. No matter where we are in the world, by 12 o’clock AM we are both in bed.  He could be in his and I could be in mine and we could be in two different states, but we’re still in bed, at the same time, almost as if we were together.

Call it childish but when living so far from each other you have to do things that will make you feel connected, even if it is closing your eyes and listening to him how he describes holding you in bed and playing with your hair.

I heard something interesting today about couples who sleep in separate bedrooms; how the sex is better for some, the relationship is stronger for others, and one went as far as saying how they live in separate houses. My first thought: what is the point of being married then?

I get it some people snore, some people like it cold, some people like it hot, some people get up early, some people make noise in the morning, but isn’t marriage about compromising? In fact, isn’t every relationship built on compromises, selflessness, desire to make the other person happy? So she doesn’t like the mattress you sleep on, well then go and buy another mattress and find a way to make it fit in your room!

There is something about coming home at the end of a long day and getting into bed with someone you love and someone that will comfort you.

Sleeping in separate rooms makes going to bed angry at each other so much easier. It’s like you can just walk away from the argument and slam your door and then hear them slam theirs and then that’s it.  Then people have to overcome their pride to open their door and walk to their spouse’s door and try and have a conversation (and now a days, most people are too proud to make the first move, which causes a lot more problems). However, if you’re sleeping in the same bed, well let’s just say after a few moments of cooling down one generally does not want to stay upset at their spouse and so one may move closer to their spouse in bed and after a few minutes of physical interaction they will probably end up talking out their feelings and apologizing. Look at that! The situation was resolved and you both can sleep peacefully in the comfort of each other’s arms.

How dreadful would it be if you both went to bed angry, in separate rooms, one of you left before the other got up, went to work, probably had a bad day because you haven’t cleared things up with your spouse, only to come home to no “I’m sorry for what happened,” or anything that would give you any sort of desire to resolve whatever you fought over, which you probably forgot about by now, and then to have to do something for your spouse.  You would probably blow up before it came to that.

Now, just imagine how all of that could have been so much less than what it was if you just gotten into bed together.

I just can’t understand it, why on earth would you want to sleep in a different bedroom?

Your Editor

 

 

 

 

 

Smiling :)

take a minute and smile

That moment when you find yourself smiling and then you realize you’re thinking of him/her and then you smile even more.

I find myself doing that a lot.  Random things bring back memories, dates, funny moments that just make me feel all warm inside, matter of fact I’m smiling just writing this:).

We all get consumed in busy days, work, school, family, activities, and sometimes we don’t realize we have been holding in our breath as life zooms before our eyes. If only we’d stop and take a breath of fresh air would we realize what is in front of us and maybe give it a little smile. We are all so busy on social media, taking pictures to show others, that we fail to capture memories in our minds, to make memories for us and not to show others.

When I find myself smiling at something, I know he did something right. When I tell him that I was smiling, he smiles too, now what could be better?

It doesn’t matter if you’re the CEO of a multi-billion company or just a mother raising kids (not to give it any less credit), everyone needs a moment to just take a deep breath and think about something that will make you smile.  If you’re not one that usually does, one day you’ll pass by something on your way and it will trigger a memory in your mind and even if for just a brief second, you will find yourself smiling, and then the day will continue but you’ll feel different; you’ll feel lighter on your toes, a bit chirpier, maybe even give that brief moment some more thought.

There is no reason why not. It will make you happier, you’ll appreciate that person you shared that memory with, maybe even call them to tell them “remember when…”

And that is just one small step you can take to bring some happiness into your relationship and your life.

I’d highly suggest it.

Your Editor

 

 

Long distance

being positive about missing your other half

I must say it is a challenge.

When you tell people you are in a long distance relationship you see their face frown a bit and they say: “oh I’m sorry, long distance sucks.” Then you take a deep breathe and you respond, almost as if you need to defend yourself, your relationship.

I started off saying it is a challenge —  but what exactly is?

To me it is the times I have to go to a wedding, party, work event by myself because my better half is so far away.  To me it is hard because sometimes I just want to give him a hug and smell his smell or I just want to cook him something and see him smile.  It is hard to express yourself when you are so far apart but it sure as hell improves your communication skills.

That is one thing that comes out of long distance that I don’t think other relationships have (if you have the type of long distance relationship that I’m talking about).  I have learned to express myself in so many different ways over texting, emojis, emails, you name it and it all really does improve face-to-face communication.

There is also a certain excitement and anticipation when a trip to see each other is planned, something that you wouldn’t get if they lived just a short car drive away.

But I won’t deny that there are many tough times, however, we do not let them overpower us. We choose to focus on the fun FaceTime calls. The emoji conversations. The sweet emails to wake up to.  It is all a matter of perspective.

I remember how sad and lonely I was when he left town, it was almost as if there was nothing worth doing until he came back.  But life must go on so when I finally was able to take myself out of the longing and missing phase and into the let’s be in the moment phase- my missing him was much stronger and more positive, and something that gave us energy not dragged us into fights.

Many people express their views on long distance relationships how it won’t last or other negative thoughts. I believe that it really depends on the people in the relationship: how committed are they? How will they direct their love energy?

It takes a lot of creativity to keep long distance fun and full of emotions but all those letters, packages, thoughts, sweet good morning emails really do give you a push to put one foot in front of the other and focus on just enjoying your time together, even if it is miles apart.

Your Editor

Friends?

is there a thing as being just friends?

That numbing feeling when the sound of those words touch your eardrums. If you feel that let down after hearing those words, remember: J.K. Rowling said it right: It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. Do not keep the what ifs buried inside you: speak up.  Express that you want something more.

No relationship can last without communication, and that is an understatement.

Being friends with the opposite gender can be complicated.  It may first start out mutual with both sides but at the end of the day one person is going to be putting a little more into the relationship and waiting on the other end for something more. What people fail to implement is boundaries. Except now-a-days boundaries makes everything more exciting because there are limitations and room to explore things that should be off-limits.

I’d like to think that we can all be grown-ups and everyone can just mind the space they have been blessed with, but, no, that has been proven close to impossible.  Which is sad, being that impossible is made up of the words: I’m possible. But that is for another post….

Friends.  It is a hard balance when it is with the opposite gender, and now with society changing the way it is, within the same gender. People take nonverbal expressions to mean things others don’t mean to say.  It becomes a conflict of she is acting one way but her words say otherwise, or anything along those lines to cause people to get confused and over think.

Many have had long successful relationships with the opposite gender but find me one that at some point one person felt something more and was shut down, or one person made a move and the other stood their ground, or they both enjoyed a moment but it was followed with we shouldn’t have or it was an accident we just weren’t in the right frame of mind (mind you- the person that starts that line is usually the one who didn’t feel anything more and the person who agrees with it is generally the person who just had their dreams crushed).

I’d like to say don’t enter into that battle field, but we all know that that is completely impossible. However, what I can start with is this:

  • set boundaries
  • Be friends with someone who respects you because they will respect your boundaries
  • if you find yourself feeling unhappy where you are, don’t just let it be, either make things right or change what needs to be changed (and no one can help you with that because no one but yourself knows what you want and need most)
  • if your opposite gender friend is your go-to person before your relationship partner, there may be something you want to figure out before it ends in hurting people you care about

Keep it classy, as they say.

Your Editor