Bedtime

sleep with me

There’s this tradition my partner and I have, it’s called Date Night. No matter where we are in the world, by 12 o’clock AM we are both in bed.  He could be in his and I could be in mine and we could be in two different states, but we’re still in bed, at the same time, almost as if we were together.

Call it childish but when living so far from each other you have to do things that will make you feel connected, even if it is closing your eyes and listening to him how he describes holding you in bed and playing with your hair.

I heard something interesting today about couples who sleep in separate bedrooms; how the sex is better for some, the relationship is stronger for others, and one went as far as saying how they live in separate houses. My first thought: what is the point of being married then?

I get it some people snore, some people like it cold, some people like it hot, some people get up early, some people make noise in the morning, but isn’t marriage about compromising? In fact, isn’t every relationship built on compromises, selflessness, desire to make the other person happy? So she doesn’t like the mattress you sleep on, well then go and buy another mattress and find a way to make it fit in your room!

There is something about coming home at the end of a long day and getting into bed with someone you love and someone that will comfort you.

Sleeping in separate rooms makes going to bed angry at each other so much easier. It’s like you can just walk away from the argument and slam your door and then hear them slam theirs and then that’s it.  Then people have to overcome their pride to open their door and walk to their spouse’s door and try and have a conversation (and now a days, most people are too proud to make the first move, which causes a lot more problems). However, if you’re sleeping in the same bed, well let’s just say after a few moments of cooling down one generally does not want to stay upset at their spouse and so one may move closer to their spouse in bed and after a few minutes of physical interaction they will probably end up talking out their feelings and apologizing. Look at that! The situation was resolved and you both can sleep peacefully in the comfort of each other’s arms.

How dreadful would it be if you both went to bed angry, in separate rooms, one of you left before the other got up, went to work, probably had a bad day because you haven’t cleared things up with your spouse, only to come home to no “I’m sorry for what happened,” or anything that would give you any sort of desire to resolve whatever you fought over, which you probably forgot about by now, and then to have to do something for your spouse.  You would probably blow up before it came to that.

Now, just imagine how all of that could have been so much less than what it was if you just gotten into bed together.

I just can’t understand it, why on earth would you want to sleep in a different bedroom?

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Smiling :)

take a minute and smile

That moment when you find yourself smiling and then you realize you’re thinking of him/her and then you smile even more.

I find myself doing that a lot.  Random things bring back memories, dates, funny moments that just make me feel all warm inside, matter of fact I’m smiling just writing this:).

We all get consumed in busy days, work, school, family, activities, and sometimes we don’t realize we have been holding in our breath as life zooms before our eyes. If only we’d stop and take a breath of fresh air would we realize what is in front of us and maybe give it a little smile. We are all so busy on social media, taking pictures to show others, that we fail to capture memories in our minds, to make memories for us and not to show others.

When I find myself smiling at something, I know he did something right. When I tell him that I was smiling, he smiles too, now what could be better?

It doesn’t matter if you’re the CEO of a multi-billion company or just a mother raising kids (not to give it any less credit), everyone needs a moment to just take a deep breath and think about something that will make you smile.  If you’re not one that usually does, one day you’ll pass by something on your way and it will trigger a memory in your mind and even if for just a brief second, you will find yourself smiling, and then the day will continue but you’ll feel different; you’ll feel lighter on your toes, a bit chirpier, maybe even give that brief moment some more thought.

There is no reason why not. It will make you happier, you’ll appreciate that person you shared that memory with, maybe even call them to tell them “remember when…”

And that is just one small step you can take to bring some happiness into your relationship and your life.

I’d highly suggest it.

Your Editor

 

 

Long distance

being positive about missing your other half

I must say it is a challenge.

When you tell people you are in a long distance relationship you see their face frown a bit and they say: “oh I’m sorry, long distance sucks.” Then you take a deep breathe and you respond, almost as if you need to defend yourself, your relationship.

I started off saying it is a challenge —  but what exactly is?

To me it is the times I have to go to a wedding, party, work event by myself because my better half is so far away.  To me it is hard because sometimes I just want to give him a hug and smell his smell or I just want to cook him something and see him smile.  It is hard to express yourself when you are so far apart but it sure as hell improves your communication skills.

That is one thing that comes out of long distance that I don’t think other relationships have (if you have the type of long distance relationship that I’m talking about).  I have learned to express myself in so many different ways over texting, emojis, emails, you name it and it all really does improve face-to-face communication.

There is also a certain excitement and anticipation when a trip to see each other is planned, something that you wouldn’t get if they lived just a short car drive away.

But I won’t deny that there are many tough times, however, we do not let them overpower us. We choose to focus on the fun FaceTime calls. The emoji conversations. The sweet emails to wake up to.  It is all a matter of perspective.

I remember how sad and lonely I was when he left town, it was almost as if there was nothing worth doing until he came back.  But life must go on so when I finally was able to take myself out of the longing and missing phase and into the let’s be in the moment phase- my missing him was much stronger and more positive, and something that gave us energy not dragged us into fights.

Many people express their views on long distance relationships how it won’t last or other negative thoughts. I believe that it really depends on the people in the relationship: how committed are they? How will they direct their love energy?

It takes a lot of creativity to keep long distance fun and full of emotions but all those letters, packages, thoughts, sweet good morning emails really do give you a push to put one foot in front of the other and focus on just enjoying your time together, even if it is miles apart.

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Friends?

is there a thing as being just friends?

That numbing feeling when the sound of those words touch your eardrums. If you feel that let down after hearing those words, remember: J.K. Rowling said it right: It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. Do not keep the what ifs buried inside you: speak up.  Express that you want something more.

No relationship can last without communication, and that is an understatement.

Being friends with the opposite gender can be complicated.  It may first start out mutual with both sides but at the end of the day one person is going to be putting a little more into the relationship and waiting on the other end for something more. What people fail to implement is boundaries. Except now-a-days boundaries makes everything more exciting because there are limitations and room to explore things that should be off-limits.

I’d like to think that we can all be grown-ups and everyone can just mind the space they have been blessed with, but, no, that has been proven close to impossible.  Which is sad, being that impossible is made up of the words: I’m possible. But that is for another post….

Friends.  It is a hard balance when it is with the opposite gender, and now with society changing the way it is, within the same gender. People take nonverbal expressions to mean things others don’t mean to say.  It becomes a conflict of she is acting one way but her words say otherwise, or anything along those lines to cause people to get confused and over think.

Many have had long successful relationships with the opposite gender but find me one that at some point one person felt something more and was shut down, or one person made a move and the other stood their ground, or they both enjoyed a moment but it was followed with we shouldn’t have or it was an accident we just weren’t in the right frame of mind (mind you- the person that starts that line is usually the one who didn’t feel anything more and the person who agrees with it is generally the person who just had their dreams crushed).

I’d like to say don’t enter into that battle field, but we all know that that is completely impossible. However, what I can start with is this:

  • set boundaries
  • Be friends with someone who respects you because they will respect your boundaries
  • if you find yourself feeling unhappy where you are, don’t just let it be, either make things right or change what needs to be changed (and no one can help you with that because no one but yourself knows what you want and need most)
  • if your opposite gender friend is your go-to person before your relationship partner, there may be something you want to figure out before it ends in hurting people you care about

Keep it classy, as they say.

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Being blessed

looking beyond yourself

It takes losing something to realize how blessed and lucky we truly are.

It shouldn’t be that way.

We all take advantage of the time we get in this world with those we love until that day: the day someone gets killed in a crash, falls and becomes paralyzed, or some other tragedy takes place. God sends us a scare- we panic, realize what we have, make every moment count, but then time goes on and the scare fades in our minds and hearts and it later becomes a passing event.

I remember in my year abroad I was in a three car crash, our car was the middle car. Thankfully we all survived but every day after that crash I remember facing the day differently. I tried to make everything matter and everything count because I didn’t know when the next thing could happen. Now, why don’t we just live life realizing what we have? Why don’t we realize how much our significant other tries to make us smile? or tries to do something right for us and we take it the wrong way?

We get so caught up in the moment, in how I currently feel, in what is bothering me, it’s all about ourselves until we finally look beyond what our eyes can see and realize there is a whole world out there.  Only then can we recognize how much he/she does for me.  Only then do we realize “wow, am I so grateful to have someone so caring, special, unique, in my life.”

I like to wake up every morning and thank God for at least three things I am blessed for. It starts my day on such a positive note, it makes me look for things in my life that keep me happy, especially the people I have around me.

Look around every once in a while, see the world in someone else’s shoes, smile at a stranger, do something sweet for your spouse; it will not only make them happier but it will also make you feel blessed.

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Your first love example

what is love?

No matter who you are in the world your first view on love is your parents. Your parents to each other, your parents to you, your parents to your siblings, your parents to their relatives and so on. Your parents have a big affect on how you perceive love.

And then comes your own relationships: with your friends, with friends of the opposite gender, and with other people you encounter in your life.

However, love in all these relationships is different. If you have a great relationship with your parents, their love life will have an impact on you.  As you get into your teenage years, getting along with your parents just never works out (or at least for most people), and that is where the relationships you have with others comes into play.

I grew up hearing my parents love story every weekend at the dinner table, to whatever new guest we were having that week.  It was an exciting story: they had a moment, and then two years later, on their very first date, my dad got down on one knee and asked my mother to marry him.  Now, it wasn’t religion that caused him to propose so fast, it was simply because he knew she was the one: so why the hell wait? Everyone loved their story, including, and especially me. I am a lot like my mother and I grew up hearing her say it a lot, so I knew I was going to have the same love story as she did.

When the first boy came along, I convinced myself so much that he was the one, I didn’t even allow myself to think about all the obvious signs of why this was such a bad idea.  Five horrible, long distant years later and I have come out with such a contorted view on relationships, happiness, and especially love.

Having such a high, beautiful experience of love ingrained in you distorts your view on love as it means to you.  The love of others can never be for you.  You need to learn to find love the way you need it, not the way others found it.  It is definitely hard to distinguish the two when you are so young, and it only becomes so much more complicated when you actually have an opinion and self-worth.

My one and only has taught me my first love example, not my parents love example, not a book or movie love example, but an example for myself, one that is only mine.

Who has given you yours?

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Finding the color

finding what to be happy about

I am not the typical pessimistic person but I can tell you that when things get tough it takes a lot for me to see the light.

Or at least it used to.

And then I met the one. Now, I’m not saying that solves everything but he had a different perspective. I saw grey spots, he saw grey spots with a white circle directly in the middle. It takes a lot for a person to have the ability to do that.

I used to try really, really, really hard to see the colors in my past relationship and I somehow always found something. Looking back, now in a stable healthy relationship, I realize I shouldn’t have had to try so hard to find something worth fighting for.

That is crucial to know.

I remember sitting in some science class in high school writing “I love you” a million times over on my paper, at some point my friend sitting next to me turn to me and said: “why are you trying to convince yourself.” After that I realized she was right. I didn’t love anything about him. In fact, I seriously despised him, was very afraid of losing the idea of him, but was so relieved after I did: I didn’t have to try so hard to be happy.

Now, the bright colors come naturally. They are what I see more often then darkness and that is comforting in every sense of the word.

Once you have found the colors that make you happy, hold on to them; trust me, it will be a struggle when you lose sight of them.

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