Why can’t you just see

for your own sake… please

I absolutely hate being in this position. I hate it. You know when you see someone doing something so stupid and you just want to slap their head into a wall because then maybe they will wake up and smell the coffee?! And realize what a total idiot they have been and how badly they are screwing up their life?

I can’t help but care about people. I genuinely care and want the best for people. It drives me up the wall when people CAN’T JUST OPEN THEIR EYES!!! It really isn’t so hard!!

I know, I know, easier to say then to actually do but come on!

Sorry, let me tell you what caused me to be like this:

Someone I know is in a very unhealthy relationship. She knows it but yet somehow keeps finding herself going back to him (duh, what can you expect?) but it is just so painful to watch her get hurt physically, emotionally, mentally. I know you’re probably thinking this happens to about half the population and who cares but I guess when it hits so close to home and it someone you don’t want to see in pain, it makes it a thousand times harder.

I hated going through what I went through. I wish someone would have slapped my head hard against the wall and made me realize that I am hurting myself in every form of way. I wish. I know she’s appreciative and she says I am right and she knows it’s not a good idea but she’s still going back. It kills me inside.

I wish I could do something more. I wish I can make things easier for her. I wish she would just care more about herself and realize what he is doing to her and that she deserves more than this in her life. I really wish.

But-

As another friend of mine said: sometimes you just have to let people live their life and learn from their own mistakes.

However, some people never learn, and for all we know she could end up killing herself one day from all the pain and misery this bastard is putting her through and then what?! I can tell you that when you’re in such a fragile position you do things you would have never imagined yourself doing, you become this person that is so not you, and if you ever wake up and smell the coffee you realize what has become of you and you may not have the proper surroundings to fix yourself up. I told her she has three choices: wait for something horrible to happen and then she’ll realize that when he says he’s going to change for the fiftieth time it won’t actually happen, or she can listen to me and take my life experiences and just save herself from having to go through this horrible life any longer, or she can do absolutely nothing and stay where she is burying herself deeper into a grave that she doesn’t realize he is digging for her. Now, I can’t understand why in any way she would want to choose anything but making herself a happy person but I know more than she knows that she’s not really in control. You’re never really in control. Take an addict for example, yes they can be sober for ten years but give them a drink and that’s it. You will never be in control- fully, that is. Yes, you will have some level of control over your life but their will be days where you find yourself crawling back into that grave he built for you and you won’t even realize it. That is why you have to always be on your toes and never let yourself, even for a split second, go down that path in your brain. It is just not a place to ever go once you have finally rid yourself of such an unhealthy relationship.

I legit went through her phone to block him and you know, in my days it was so much easier to block someone because you only had one thing to block them off of! I had to unfriend him on FaceBook, block him on Instagram, Snapchat, Whatsapp, some messenger app, that I was like, seriously? I can understand why you haven’t blocked him yet. Sheesh, just going through the whole process can kill you.

But at the end of the day I only hope that she won’t hurt herself and if she ever needs I will always be there for her. I let her know I am not disappointed in her, I understand her, and it is her decision but most importantly, I am there if and when she ever needs. If she won’t take my advice it is the least I can do. I know if I had someone with me when I went through it maybe I wouldn’t have gone as far as I did and maybe things would be different.

I won’t apologize for caring, and I won’t apologize for trying to convince you out of it, I’ll just apologize for not being there when it started and getting you far, far, away before you even began.

Your Editor

Sick days & life

it’s just a cold, headache, ear infection, and my period

Growing up in a big family doesn’t always allow you to stay in bed when you’re feeling under the weather, especially if you are one of the older ones. I am now able to make dinner, drive carpool, hold screaming babies, clean the house, and go to supermarket all while having a headache, ear infection (yes, I am one of those adults that get them), cold, and on my period. I guess you can look at it as my parents are doing everything they can to prepare me for raising my own kids.

Without having any kids of my own (yet) I will tell you this:

  • Start your newborns on a sleep schedule ASAP if you don’t want to be up all night with them
  • After 5 months they should not be sleeping in your bed at all
  • Start feeding your baby vegetables before fruits because once they like the sweetness of the fruits they won’t take to eating vegetables
  • Make sure your baby gets play time on the floor, you don’t want to have to always hold the child
  • Never give your child more than two shots at a time; their bodies generally cannot handle more of them, plus I have seen first hand what lifelong damages can be done to a child
  • When your child acts out never call them a “bad boy/girl” because that can cause emotional issues, rather say what you did was not good
  • If your child is crying for one thing and won’t shut up distract them with something else, they will move on within minutes
  • Sometimes you just have to let them scream their head off
  • Don’t yell at your kids not to scream because they are learning to yell from you… you just yelled at them to stop screaming
  • When you want to show your child that you are disappointed in them refrain from meeting eye contact and speak gently, it will teach them not to do it again more than getting angry and hitting them
  • Ask your kids questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” response, it will give you more insight on their day and emotions
  • Make it a point to hug your kids at least once a day, a meaningful hug
  • Never tell your kids that there are no monsters under their bed if they think there are, you will be sending off a message that their fears are invalid, instead make a point to show them that you did not find any monsters but even if there are, you will always protect them. You are now sending off a message that no matter what they are afraid of in life, you will be there to protect them
  • Teach your kids how to read the clock so when they wake up before you want them out of bed they won’t get up (FYI this actually works)

So, when my Fiance gets on the phone and tells me to get in bed because I am not feeling well I try my hardest not to laugh. However, yesterday he did force me into bed where I slept most of the afternoon away and when I woke up, boy did I feel so much better. Therefore, another bullet point I’d like to add to my list is:

  • When your kids aren’t feeling well or you aren’t feeling well, get into bed and let the other people in the house take care of whatever needs to be done, trust me the house won’t fall apart without you while you take a nap

No matter all of this, my mother’s voice will forever ring in my head “just wait till you have your own kids, you’ll see how not everything is so simple.”

I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Your Editor

I need some advice

just a daughter craving her mother’s attention

I don’t know what to do. For all of you that are parents, maybe you can help out with this one. If you have a child that reminds you exactly of yourself when you were younger, do you find that you don’t have as good of a relationship with that child?

I guess if you didn’t like the way you grew up and the decisions you made as a kid that would reflect on your liking of your child (especially, if they are doing the same things you did, that you most probably regret).

What happens if you’re the child in this situation? Do you keep trying to have a relationship with that parent?

To be honest: I am tired of trying. I know I’m too young for that, but I guess it is part of being part of the younger generation. Your relationship with your parents is VERY important and I feel like I didn’t get a fair chance just because I am a lot like her. It is true though, I wasn’t the best kid from the age of 12 till 18 BUT before that, I was their best child, did everything for them, gave unconditionally, endlessly, smiled, laughed and then life hit me hard. So… now what?

I have tried everything; being nice, starting conversation, going out of my way, controlling my responses and facial expressions, and a whole lot of other things. It’s not so simple anymore. Often, I feel as though I am willing to try and make things work but then she’s not and then when she is willing to try, I am not. It is like a seesaw.

How on earth are we ever going to be on the same level?

The only way for the seesaw to be even is if everyone gets off of it, how do we disconnect from each other enough to give us even ground to start fresh on? I guess moving out would help change things up a bit. It isn’t very comforting though because it shouldn’t have to be this way. Especially when I see everyone else around me succeeding at it. But I suppose it could be worse, I could not know at all why she felt this way.

We all are given a lot in life and how our life will turn out is dependent on what we do with that lot.

This is mine and though at times I wish it wasn’t, I am happier that it is this than something else because there are a lot worse things that people have to go through than this. I am very blessed, even if I don’t always see it so long as I try to find it I will find some sort of comfort.

But if anyone has ideas… I am open to hearing anything at this point 🙂

Your Editor

 

Tragedy

be a better person, make the world a better place

A ten-year old hung himself today.

I have so many questions and so many fears.

Tell me how on earth a ten-year old knows how to hang themselves?????! HOWWWW?!

Tell me why this world has reached such lows??????!

Tell me how this could happen to someone so innocent?????

HE IS TEN!!!! You know, the amount of fingers and toes you have?? That is how old this boy….. was.

Tell me how on earth this could happen.

I am beside myself, shocked, afraid, scared. What will the world be like when I have kids? Will it even be still around? Will everyone have either killed themselves or someone else? Will there be no good?

I just don’t get it. I understand a teenager because teenage years are hard and if you’re stuck in a rut it can be hell and at during those years anything is possible. I think that most teens go through suicidal periods, depression, and things of that sort. How far they are in that situation is a different story. Everyone has their time and their place and their story. I don’t know what this child’s story was but I can tell you we all hope it wasn’t anything more than it looked. Who knows?

But now, no one will know. Ever.

And then just like that people are all of a sudden so nice, caring, loving, sweet. But what happened before this? Didn’t you realize they had no money to put food on the table? Didn’t you realize the ten-year old boy’s clothes were torn and dirty? Or that he had no food in his lunch box?

Why has this become the only way people open their hearts instead of their mouths? Everyone likes to talk, point fingers, gossip, assume but when tragedy strikes everyone tries to be the first to pay the electric bill, the first to buy new clothes for the family, the first to just give a damn about what they were all so busy making fun of before.

Tell me how this can possible be the world we live in.

I don’t believe this is why the world was created. I don’t believe that there is no good in the world. I don’t believe how the new norm is suicide before even hitting puberty. What on this earth can be so miserable, can be so horrible, for a child? He was just a child.

I just cannot fathom how something so horrible can take place… but then I take a look at the world around me and sadly, it just became a little easier to understand.

It shouldn’t be this way.

It shouldn’t ever be this way.

No one should ever let it come to this.

Your Editor

Let’s all just take a moment and be positive

all it takes is one minute and you can be snapped back into your happy self

My friend sent me this picture and said it was perfect for my life right now and I responded no it’s not 😰. She asked me what happened and all I can think of responding back is: what didn’t happen.

I apparently need to ask permission before I leave the house. What have I become? 12 yrs old? Like, seriously?!

After a much-needed rest I am now able to face the day. Sometimes there are just too many things happening all at the same time and it can make you want to blow up, and that is when you must change your perspective, maybe not the second after the situation but maybe a little after that.

To be honest with you I am not generally the type that naturally is in a bad mood. There are usually three or four reasons of why I am upset/angry/frustrated/annoyed/snappy/yelling/sad:

  • I am on my period or getting it or just finished it (so roughly a few days before and a few days after my cycle)
  • I am hungry (yes I am one of those “hangry” people)
  • I am tired
  • Someone at home pissed me off

Reading that list makes me sound like a baby and I don’t mean an immature person, I mean an actual baby, the ones that cry when they poop, are hungry, tired, or someone bothered them.

We all know what put as in a certain unpleasant mood, it is getting out of it that is usually the problem. Some people, like me, are to lazy to actually mentally make themself just go do whatever it is they need to do to snap them out of their bitchy mood, like go get something to eat. It may take someone around you to send you to bed or order ice cream but it shouldn’t have to. Don’t get me wrong, it is really sweet to get a knock on your door and see your spouse/partner has ordered you your favorite food or anything to make you happy (they probably just did it to make you shut up though, they were getting tired of hearing you whine and bitch). With all that said, I can tell you that it will take practice but putting yourself out of your own misery is sometimes better than waiting for someone else to do it for you.

So, yes I was over-tired, and yes I was yelling but I at least went to sleep because I knew that was what was going to make me feel better. Now, what did you do?

Your Editor

 

My Day

really just a brief moment in my head

It may sound a bit crazy but what is life if it isn’t?

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I am a very “list” type of person. I write a million ones all over the place. I know it is February but I just bought my 2018 calendar (which are so important- when you don’t like your calendar, there is a problem). CVS did not have as wide of a selection as I would have liked… but it will do. (Just BTW because I am not SOO obsessed with it, I have not been using it as much- point proven).

My life is currently like that movie Bride Wars with Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway. No, my best friend is not getting married on the same day as me, but some other selfish person decided to reserve the hall the same day I did and now it’s one big mess. The difference is the hall isn’t big enough for two weddings. But that was like the one day where all my million siblings and family members and pregnant ladies finally agreed on. Not to mention everyone’s camp schedules. I don’t know about you but I am pretty sure the day is for the bride and groom and everyone else can go screw themselves. My real question though is: is there a bride out there that isn’t stressed out?

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So now after finally all agreeing on a date, we got to go through the whole process all over again and to be quite honest with you I am very close to just eloping and forgetting the whole thing. I never wanted a big wedding. Now I am starting to want one less and less everyday. But at the end of the day, as much as they say the wedding is for the bride it really is not; it’s for the mother of the bride. So while my mother is popping out her kid and my sister is popping out hers, somewhere in the midst of all that I will become a Mrs.

I told my parents to just let me know what day I am getting married. Yep, read that again, still sounds just as crazy as when I typed it out.

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As if it wasn’t enough, my Pilate’s teacher decided to quit. My one escape from life is now officially over the first week of March, and trust me that is coming up sooner than I want it to.

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Despite all the negativism, my better half seems to be handling this, or I really should say me, pretty well. He introduced me to beef jerky the other day. Yes, I know you’re probably thinking “what?! You never had beef jerky?!” Yes, I never had beef jerky. But I will tell you that I found it to be really good and what is even better: I am getting a package in the mail from my better half himself.

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And now everything seems to be that much more manageable.

Good luck with your day,

Your Editor

Is it a problem when…

he calls me mommy sometimes

Your little brother is with your mother and asks for you instead? I don’t know whether to feel overly good about myself or how bad I screwed myself over with this one or how hard it’ll be for this kid when I move out.

It will be an adjustment for the both of us I can tell you that. He’s practically my child!

I’m holding him in bed now, he’s got fever and a runny noise and half of me is like I do not want to catch whatever he has and the other half of me is feeling so horrible for him. He’s just so not himself.

The other day he heard me talking to my better half and I responded to something funny by saying “oh gosh, hunny”. The next thing I know I hear my little brother say “oh gosh, hunny” and it makes me want to just eat him up.

What a mother does for her kids.

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Once a mother always a mother. Does it count if you don’t actually give birth to them? I think so. After all there are people who cannot have kids and adopt. I suppose any person who experiences that sort of pull for their kids; to put them first, to give, to love, even when they are annoying as hell.

With all that said, I know it may sound a bit weird, but he does feel like my child. So, I am sure it is a bit of a problem when he calls  me Mommy instead of his actual mother, but he gets it right sometimes :).